Where Did All of the Feelings Go?


I ate all of those bitches.

Seriously.

I’ve spent the past 3ish years eating everything I can find. If I feel bad or upset, it’s nice to chew until my face hurts and then revel in that nice, fully satisfied feeling. Only a couple of weeks ago, that feeling went away. I was feeling shitty and eating all of my favorite things and getting zero enjoyment or comfort from it.

I decided to hell with this. What’s the point of eating until I’m ready to pop if there is no window of time that it’s making me feel good? I started a diet last Monday. Am down 6 pounds. Less than 24 hours in, I physically felt so much better.

There’s another 100 that needs to be lost. I keep telling myself that I didn’t gain it overnight so I shouldn’t expect it to fall right off. It’s nice to not feel totally shitty all of the time and my stomach no longer sticks out farther than my chest now that the bloat has gone away. Hooray!

We’re selling my Mom’s house. Her husband dicked around for 2 years after her death before getting a house key to me in December of last year. Our requests for a key had gone unanswered for months until he was finished using the house as a storage building. As soon as we got the key, that dickweed immediately starting pestering me with wanting to know if I was going to purchase the place. (He’d sent a fucking outrageous request for how much he’d need to be paid to sign his name off of the title. He didn’t want just a 1/3 of the market value. He wanted to be repaid for any improvements that Mom & him had made – even though those improvements were paid for out of her 401k and didn’t cost him shit.) A couple of weeks ago, Mom’s neighbor said they’d like to buy the place for their daughter. My sister and I like the idea that he’s buying it for his daughter so it’s being sold.

We’re going to Oklahoma next week to clean up her cemetery plot and if the deal isn’t done by then, I’ll poke around the place one last time. Who am I kidding? Even if the deal is done I’ll go ask the neighbor if they’ll let me walk through.


My Eye is Twitching


The new job Sweety started in February? He quit yesterday.

He was sick as hell last week and wasn’t allowed back to work until yesterday. We spent all last week tossing around what he was going to do. Basically, he was working for a racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted shitweasel. Before he was off last week, he was told that he was hiring too many black people and that he couldn’t make a woman a supervisor because she wasn’t a man. (Except he was told these things using much more colorful language.) He was too shocked by what he’d been told to respond and just left the meeting without saying anything. It was really bothering him to work for someone so unethical. He asked me what I would do – I’d hire all of the black lesbians that I could find. Just cover all of the bases that piss this guy off before I quit.

Before he quit, the owner (who had previously told him he was doing a great job) was an insulting asshole. Par for the course. Sweety had thought that if he continued working there that he could institute some change but the owner was such a dick that he saw that wasn’t possible.

The owner of the company’s wife and her siblings work there. The owner wanted his wife to not work there. Sweety got her to quit a few weeks ago. Afterwards, the owner thanked him for getting his wife out of there and told him that his marriage and home life had never been better. After Sweety left yesterday, she was back at the company in less than four hours and three of the people who Sweety had hired had quit.

Sweety is still getting severance from his old job for almost two months so I’m trying to not freak out. But seeing as how it’s 5:30 in the morning and I’m typing this, perhaps I am failing at that.


Bean Style


The Bean has really started stretching her wings when it comes to her clothes. She will put something on, pose, and tell me that it’s “Bean Style”. This outfit. I put the shirt and shorts on her. She added everything from the knees down while I was getting ready. “Mom! Check out my Bean style! Take a picture!” The poses are ones she saves for modeling. I think they’re creepy and make her look like a broken doll.

Bean Style

Bean Style

I can’t believe this little grunion is almost 3.5. She’s very articulate and she has a temper like me but instead of sitting on it, she’s fine with letting the anger fly. Sometimes we butt heads from the moment our eyes open and sometimes it’s smooth sailing.

She’s finishing up preschool this year at a church run program near us and will be going to a Montessori school next year. There’s a little greenhouse, a chicken coop, garden beds, and a giant playground. She got to check it out and flipped when she realized that she’d be going to school there. She wanted to start now. They have a summer program that she’s attending. Kind of a test run to make sure this type of curriculum works for her but I think it will.

LB graduates in a few weeks. I remember when he was a little older than Bean. Time flies. He’s going to college near here to get his basics out of the way and will then move on. BB is almost done with his basics and is in line to get a pretty good job after he turns 21 later this year. He’s been busy working and saving up for a house. I told him to get one with a spare room so Bean could stay over.


Tomorrow Tomorrow


Sweety’s last day at his job is tomorrow. Luckily, he has a new one that he will start in a couple of weeks and the current one offered some severance so not working for two weeks will be okay. I’ve been shitting my pants over this situation for months now and Sweety and his new employer hammered out his employment details today. I’m glad. I feel a little less like vomiting constantly.

Tomorrow is also the last day of his part-time job. He’s been working a few hours at night for a parcel service since September because they offer company-paid insurance after a year. We didn’t know if the new employer offered reasonable insurance until today. Sweety started the night job when he started hearing talk that his day job would be ending. The night job pays peanuts and is hard as hell. I’m glad that’s over too.

And tomorrow the Bean and I are going on a little road trip. Sweety has to drive a truck back to Atlanta on Saturday and I’m driving up to bring him back so he doesn’t have to fly. To keep Bean from having to sit in her car seat for so long, she and I are leaving tomorrow and staying close to Atlanta and after we get Sweety on Saturday we’ll stop along the way home. She’s excited about chewing gum and playing with the ipad in the car. I’m hoping she won’t constantly ask to stop and pee. A couple of times we haven’t been near a restroom when she’s needed to go so I’ll hold her and she’ll take a whiz outside. She thinks that’s hilarious and will now ask me to “pull over so I can go outside!” I refuse to actually pull off the highway and risk being ran over while holding my pantless kid. This is what empty parking lots with sewer grates were made for.