Just For Fun

I tell Bean that Tiny Dog plays with her toys when she doesn’t put them away. Since she’s rather jealous of Tiny, this is an effective way of getting her to clean up. I take photos when she doesn’t so she knows that Tiny really does love her stuff.

When you don't put away toys


Tiny’s favorite place to ride on the way to pick Bean up from school.


Thanks, kid.

The Bean is really examining me as we are getting ready to bathe.

Mom, why do you have three poke-tattoos?

They’re just things that I liked so I got them.

Oh. Ok. How do you take off a poke-tattoo?

She calls them that after learning how tattoos are applied.

You can’t. Poke-tattoos aren’t removable like yours.

But Mom, what if you really wanted to take it off? How would you?

Well, one way is with lasers. But that could hurt and they don’t always come off.

Like with a laser gun?!

Her eyes were huge and she was very interested in this information.

Uh, yeah…like a laser gun.

Wow. Mom? I wouldn’t shoot your tattoos off even if I got to use a laser gun. I’d never want to make my beautiful Mom die accidentally with a laser gun.

Awww…thanks, honey. I appreciate that.

You know why, Mom? Because only you know how to turn on my t.v. shows. Dad doesn’t know how. He can’t run the remote and find my shows.

So this is my legacy.

Something Neat

A couple of years ago, I started making this stuff and selling it online. It’s good stuff but I am a terrible salesperson. Talking to people in real life or online about it freaks me out. Shit, talking to people about damn near anything online or in real life freaks me out. I have a business Facebook page and I have to give myself a pep talk before posting anything on it because I’m afraid I sound stupid or that someone will someday comment that my stuff sucks and I’ll start to cry and won’t stop until I’m dehydrated and dry up like a dead leaf.

The last time I went in for a wax, I took the lady who does it some of my stuff to try because she’s super nice and gives me sample of different things to try. And since she’s super nice, I figured that she wouldn’t be an asshole or ask me why the hell was I giving this to her. She was actually really impressed that I made it and said that she will give out little sample packs to her customers for me! I told her how I was awkward with talking to people and she said that she loved to talk and I was her buddy so I should leave the talking to her. Next week, I’ll see her again and I’m taking some little packets for her to give out. When I gave her the samples, it never occurred to me that she’d offer to do this and the grumpy tiny voice in my head is telling me that I’m going to show up with my stuff and she’s going to say that she changed her mind about giving them out. I’m building myself up to not be disappointed if that happens.

She pointed out that since people come see her for waxing and microdermabrasion that they are into taking care of themselves so my stuff is right up their alley. I hope so.

What The Fuck Am I Doing Here?

I don’t know. This poor, almost mummified blog is begging to deleted into nothingness but I’m not quite ready to do that yet. Anywho.

After my last blog post, seven freaking months ago, I started going next door when the neighbors weren’t home to give their dog treats. Their dog that they tie up outside and treat like a red-headed stepchild. Ironically, they have a red dog who lives inside and is treated like a king. But not the outside dog. My hope was to befriend outside dog and steal his ass. Or ask them if we could have him since they seem to hate his guts. My plan hasn’t worked. Aside from when I was gone during the summer for a few weeks, I’ve been over there almost every day and the dog is still batshit crazy. He will wag his tail and eat treats out of my hand but if I talk to him or try to pet him, he will bite the living shit out of me. I think he’s crazy because he’s so unsocialized. I feel bad for him. I keep hoping that one morning he won’t lunge at me like Cujo but the hope is dimming. I’ll still keep giving him treats though because I’ve got a feeling that nobody else does.