To Recap & Then I’m Forgetting This Shit

The incredibly messed up situation that we’ve been dealing with since July of 2012 when Sweety remembered some truly awful stuff that happened to him as a kid has drawn to a legal close. That closure happened weekend before last. It wasn’t quite the end we’d hoped for but at least it’s over. I’d hoped that when the legal part was over that everything would be okey-dokey around here immediately, but of course, that kind of thinking is a pipe dream.

Sweety felt better because he didn’t have to worry about the legal stuff anymore. I think I had a little bit of a meltdown with just trying to not be on edge after 3 years. I pretty much spent all last week hiding in bed while Sweety managed Bean. It’s a little over a week out and I’m thinking that things will get to normal around here. It’s been so long since it’s been normal though that I still feel on edge because I’m waiting for something to happen.

Right now Sweety is without a job. He has a phone interview tomorrow with a place he’d really like to work for doing something that he’s always wanted to do. I am sincerely hoping that it goes well. If it doesn’t, I’ve told myself that it’s a sign for me to go back to work while Sweety stays home with Bean. And I’ll be honest. I’d rather rub my eye with a tiny cheese grater than go out into the workforce and deal with people.

Excruciatingly slow progress is being made on the sale of my Mom’s house. We should have the paperwork to sign regarding that within the next week or so and it will be done. And then hopefully, Lintball will die in a fire. My sister and I finally got the amount we need to reimburse Lintball for insurance payments on the house over the last 2 years. It is highly likely that I will get a couple of dozen money orders totaling the amount due to send to him. Just so that fuckstick has to endorse each one. Depends on how much of an asshole I’m feeling like tomorrow. The forecast says that there’s an 85% chance of this.

Cousin Time

The niece arrived a few days ago! Yay! The Bean is having a large time playing with Sylvie as well as giving her a hard time.

Bean says that going to bed with Sylvie makes her nervous. I think she just despises bedtime so much that she latches on to anything about it to bitch about. She snuggles with Sylvie until she wakes up and realizes that she is and then she gets into our bed. Bean has learned if she wakes me up that I’ll put her back in her own bed so she’s started going to Sweety’s side of the bed to climb in.


Very soon, Sylvie, Bean and I will be going to California for a few days. We’re going to spend a couple of days right off of Hollywood Boulevard and will be close enough to walk and do touristy things. And then we will go to visit Amy‘s family! Sylvie was asking how I knew her and was concerned when I said that we met on the internet. “Oh. How do you know they’re not serial killers? Will I be safe?” I explained that I’ve been out to visit several times and have escaped unscathed so we should be okay. That made her feel better.

My sister sent a ninja suit for Bean. She looooooves it. She’d been insisting for a couple of weeks that I refer to her and “Black Ninja” when she didn’t have a suit so she lost her marbles when she saw this. She put it on and kept screaming, “A ninja never gives up!”

ready to attack



When she’s not being Black Ninja, she likes to be a rock-and-roll star with a stage name of “Blue-Oh”. Where the hell she got that name, I do not know. Rockstars need lipstick. She sneaked this out of the medicine cabinet and applied it by herself. She can put lipstick on better than me.



Bean has clothes. She just doesn’t like to wear them. She loses them as soon as she gets home from school. Can’t say that I blame her.

Good Morning!

Sweet, tiny, colicky, baby Jesus…Why am I awake? Gah. Bean woke up at 2:30 to pee and I’ve been wide-eyed since then. I’m not bitching about having 4 hours of sleep though. That’s much better than no sleep because Bean is beside me trying to pet the skin off of the soft part of my arm. She is finally sleeping in her own bed! She wakes up once, maybe twice, a night to potty and then goes right back to bed.


Awhile back, we took the crib/toddler bed out of her room and put our old bed in its place. Tried to get her to sleep in there for months but she’d wake up all night long. We were lucky to get a solid 90 minutes without her waking up losing her shit. We wouldn’t have minded her sleeping with us if she’d let us sleep. Instead she’d spend all night rubbing or pinching us in her sleep and if the blanket wasn’t arranged just right then she’d scream about that. We noticed if she was asleep by herself in our room that she wouldn’t wake up. Our old bed felt like sleeping on a sack of potatoes so I thought maybe she’d sleep better in there if the mattress was more comfortable. Put a mattress topper on it and voila! Bean is happy with her bed. Little diva.

Friday was the last day of school for her and they had a play day. Pony rides, bounce houses, snow cones, and sprinklers. She was giving me the thumbs up because she was excited to get to play in the water at school.

Last day of school!

See her polished toes? Black glitter. I have a nail polish collection that’s ridiculous and the only colors she likes are black and a pink so pale that you can’t see it. I’m thinking of polishing her nails something colorful while she’s asleep and telling her that Tiny Dog did it for her.

We made it to Oklahoma and back without incident. The worst rain in forever has been going on there and it rained the whole time we were there. There was a window of a few hours where it wasn’t and we were able to go to the cemetery and clean up Mom’s plot. The house sale hasn’t been completed yet so I was able to check out the house. Lintball cleaned it out. Even took all of the appliances. The only thing left was a box in the shed with all of the cards that him and Mom got at their wedding. I was pissed off that he couldn’t be bothered to throw it away himself. I was greeted with a family of spiders in the box and was very tempted to send the box, spider family and all, to him in the mail.

Sweety started a new job Friday! Not in management. He’s being an ant and likes it so far. He said it’s nice to clock out and not have to think about work any more or deal with phone calls or business after hours. Hopefully, after he’s been there awhile and knows more about the place, they’ll have a management opening that he can get into though. Both of us are a little calmer now. With the new job and what we have saved, we will be okay for a little while. The person who hired him almost didn’t. Told Sweety he was overqualified and that he couldn’t believe that he was going to give Sweety a chance and hire him for the position. At the end of his first shift, the guy asked Sweety if he noticed anything they could do to make the warehouse run better. Sweety told him to give him a few days to check the place out more.

I feel really guilty that I’m not working now even though Sweety says he likes me being at home and able to hang out with the Bean. Sweety lost his mind the summer of 2012 and I was sitting at work worried that he was going to off himself and everyone around him and when Mom died it was too much and I basically stayed in bed for months. Now that I’m feeling betterish, I’m thinking that I should have just sucked it up and stayed at work. Too late now.

Where Did All of the Feelings Go?

I ate all of those bitches.


I’ve spent the past 3ish years eating everything I can find. If I feel bad or upset, it’s nice to chew until my face hurts and then revel in that nice, fully satisfied feeling. Only a couple of weeks ago, that feeling went away. I was feeling shitty and eating all of my favorite things and getting zero enjoyment or comfort from it.

I decided to hell with this. What’s the point of eating until I’m ready to pop if there is no window of time that it’s making me feel good? I started a diet last Monday. Am down 6 pounds. Less than 24 hours in, I physically felt so much better.

There’s another 100 that needs to be lost. I keep telling myself that I didn’t gain it overnight so I shouldn’t expect it to fall right off. It’s nice to not feel totally shitty all of the time and my stomach no longer sticks out farther than my chest now that the bloat has gone away. Hooray!

We’re selling my Mom’s house. Her husband dicked around for 2 years after her death before getting a house key to me in December of last year. Our requests for a key had gone unanswered for months until he was finished using the house as a storage building. As soon as we got the key, that dickweed immediately starting pestering me with wanting to know if I was going to purchase the place. (He’d sent a fucking outrageous request for how much he’d need to be paid to sign his name off of the title. He didn’t want just a 1/3 of the market value. He wanted to be repaid for any improvements that Mom & him had made – even though those improvements were paid for out of her 401k and didn’t cost him shit.) A couple of weeks ago, Mom’s neighbor said they’d like to buy the place for their daughter. My sister and I like the idea that he’s buying it for his daughter so it’s being sold.

We’re going to Oklahoma next week to clean up her cemetery plot and if the deal isn’t done by then, I’ll poke around the place one last time. Who am I kidding? Even if the deal is done I’ll go ask the neighbor if they’ll let me walk through.