Friday, January 23, 2015
You’ve been in a restaurant before and had the pleasure of someone being seated who had a voice that made you want to stab your eardrums, right? These people are also always telling stories way too loudly. Stories that only their companions may possibly give a shit about but everyone else gets the joy of hearing too.
Last weekend, Sweety and I traveled Bean-less. She spent 2 nights next door with her grandparents. Sweety had to drive a truck to his company’s main building in Atlanta and I drove our car so he didn’t have to fly back. We stopped to eat at an Applebee’s. Seated a couple of booths behind us was a table of 4 crones with voices as I’ve described. As an interesting bonus, they all had on skintight pants with different animal prints on each and garish lipstick of varying shades. They finally finished their meal and left. I was glad. Quiet descended on the restaurant.
I always wonder what idiots drive once they’ve managed to get on my radar so I noticed them stopping beside a truck that was parked in front of the window where we were seated. You could still hear those harpies through the window. One lit up a cigarette and I thought they’d be gone after her smoke break. I watched that old bitch finish half of the cigarette, toss the still flaming stick on the ground, and get into her truck. As she sat there, one of her companions kept talking to her through the truck window.
People, I fucking hate litterbugs. Especially cigarette butts. Smoke your lungs away until you cough them up like rotten smoked oysters but please put your trash somewhere other than the ground.
I told Sweety I’d be right back.
I walked out there giving those heifers side-eye the whole time, bent over, stubbed out the cigarette, and then flicked it into the bed of her truck. I thought about flicking it into her open window but my aim is not that good. Surprisingly, neither one of them said a word. By the time I got back to my seat in the restaurant they were leaving and Sweety was laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe.
I’ve found the hill I’m standing on for 2015.