Good Fences Make Good Neighbors. Not Really.


Now that we are over the worst part of the time changing and Bean isn’t acting like a demon that accidentally used holy water instead of Visine, I’m remembering how I like seeing the sun in the evening. It’s nice to sit outside while Bean sprints in circles.

The other day I was standing in the backyard to supervise Bean’s sprints and noticed a really rotten odor. It smelled familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it for a second. Then I placed it. Cat shit. Our asshole neighbor empties his cat litter pan up against the corner of our fence and the smell travels. Seriously, dude? It’s not enough that you tie your damned dog outside and if I want to open the house up I will hear him bark all. day. long. You’ve gotta use the back side of my fence as your cat’s latrine? For crying out loud.

I’m going to get a bag of lime to spread around back there. I’ll make sure that the asshole is home to see me do it and I’ll also give his poor dog a nice chew bone while I’m out there. It just occurred to me that he puts this shit like 15 feet away from the dog he ties up. What a dick. Ugh.

Oh! While I’m on the subject of the neighbors…

On November 10 (Bean’s birthday), Tiny Dog escaped. It’s a long story as to how it happened and I’ll just say that it didn’t happen on my watch. We realized that Tiny was gone and started scouring the neighborhood. Sweety saw asshole neighbor’s wife outside and asked her if she saw Tiny. Why yes, yes she did. Saw Tiny Dog laying in the sunshine for about 30 minutes while she was gardening and Tiny was still outside when she left for the grocery store.

Look. I know it’s my responsibility to keep up with my own pet. But really? Do you know how many times I’ve returned one of their damned cats or caught their dog off of the leash? Or how about that time I turned my house into a cat death ward and fought their fleas for 2 months afterwards? And she couldn’t be bothered fuckall to tap on the door to see if we knew Tiny was in the front yard untethered?

We looked all over for Tiny Dog, called animal control to see if she’d been picked up, called all of the shelters and vet offices to no avail. No word of her. In the middle of this, we had to have a birthday party for Bean. When she blew out her candles, she announced that she wished that Tiny Dog would come home soon. That night, Bean and I papered the neighborhood and main intersections with posters. I tried to make her as unappealing as possible in posters by making sure to mention her advanced age and telling a lie that she needed medication.

shit happens

The next morning, Bean and I went to the shelter to see if Tiny Dog had been brought in. Even though I’d been told no over the phone, I was advised to go check in person too. Sweety had been texting me the whole time with how upset he was that Tiny was gone. I was getting irritated because I was trying to not let myself get mad at him for losing my dog and his texts are bugging me. He sends a photo text that I receive as I’m filling out paperwork to go tour the new strays.
home!
I look at this and get PISSED OFF. I’m thinking, “Okay, dude. I haven’t screamed at you yet for losing Tiny Dog on your watch and she’s MY dog but you wanna send me a photo of you and her in happier times? What the hell is wrong with you?” I continue filling out paperwork and it occurs to me that it would be really fucked up of Sweety to send me a photo of him with Tiny at a time like this and is he really that bad? Probably not. I look at the photo again and it occurs to me that it looks like it was just taken.

Tiny Dog is home! Huzzah! Turns out that the night before at about 5 p.m., Tiny Dog walked up to 3 little girls who live maybe a half mile away and wouldn’t stop following them. They called their Mom and told her that a strange dog was following them and she asked them if they were afraid of being attacked. LOLOLOLOL They kept her overnight and the next morning decided to see if they could find any posters saying she was missing. They saw all of my signs right away. I had a giant one taped to our mailbox that said, “Lost dog lives here”. They didn’t bring Tiny Dog to the door with them because they wanted the owner to describe the dog. When Sweety answered the door and they said they had a lost dog, he did this weird whistle that he does for Tiny and she started screaming in the back of their van and streaked up the yard to him.

To put it mildly, I was really happy that she was home. She is now the proud owner of a microchip and measures have been taken to ensure that another escape never happens.


Around Here


Bean wiped her own damned ass at home tonight. She’s been doing it as school for awhile but not here. She did and and exclaimed, “This is really exciting!” Yes. Yes, it is.

She told me today, “Mom, you shine even when the sun isn’t out. You don’t need polish on your toes to sparkle.”

The little jar the flowers are in is about 1.5 inches tall. Really tiny.

tiny arrangement

Bean likes to do “flower arranging”. They pick flowers at school to decorate their classroom tables and she’s started doing it here too. I think it’s cute as hell. Do you know how many tiny piles of dead wildflowers we have blowing around here? All of them that she brings to me clutched in her sweaty little hands.

This is the face of fury.

the fury

Tiny Dog was pissed the fuck OFF because Bean was singing. She doesn’t like to see Bean having a good time. My angry little old lady. I love her so. She’s lost so many teeth that her tongue won’t stay in her mouth. The only reason you don’t see it in that photo is because she had it drawn back to growl properly.

Sad news. Oliver left us in November. He was old and had been having health problems. I miss hearing him sniff around the house all of the time. Sometimes I think I hear his fat feet on the floor. He was batshit crazy but he was a good boy.

the devil you know

Tiny Dog missed him for a hot minute and then turned into a different dog. She still has her grumpy as hell moments but she’s much more laid back now. For a couple of weeks, she’d cry at bedtime but she was also a lot more relaxed during the day. I’ve realized that she wants to be an only dog so we probably won’t be getting another dog anytime soon. I’ll let her live out her life without worrying constantly that another dog might be in her food bowl. She will even let Bean pet her and sometimes carry her around. I about fell over the first time I saw that happening.


Paying for My Raising


The Bean had been leaving school at 11:30 and noticed as more kids switched to staying until 3. When it got down to her and two other kids, she announced after a pickup, “The morning children are dwindling, Mom. I want to be an afternoon child!” Now she is. She’s been an afternoon child for a few weeks now and likes it. She gets to take a lunch and takes a thermos of beans if she has a choice. She’s getting to go on little field trips in the afternoon and taking more music classes and yoga. All of this is great and good. The downside?

Little shitbird doesn’t want to nap in the afternoon. Bean is very sweet when she is sweet and absolutely insane when she’s not. Tonight she lost her shit in a grand way. We have never had a tantrum like she threw. It started because I offered her water instead of something tastier to her palate and then cranked up when I said she couldn’t take an iPad in the car while we ran to the grocery store. She was so crazy with the screaming and crying and wailing that I momentarily lost my bearings and all I could do was stand in the garage and cackle at the absurdity of the situation. That’s when she took off her mother fucking SHOE and threw it at me. That got my attention and then I got her attention. She calmed down and wanted to go next door to say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa. Even though the sun was still up, she knew that she was fried. Girl passed out for the night before 6 p.m.

I’m really hoping that she doesn’t wake up at 4 all ready to start the day.

Her school has been practicing for a 5k that is going to occur soon. Each class goes outside and runs their asses off around a track they’ve made. A couple of weeks ago they were having their last practice and parents were invited to watch and cheer. Each time they ran a lap, they got a little bracelet. Bean got 14 of those things. When I saw the track, I really thought she’d be lucky to make it around a couple of times. I ran (shuffled…whatever) with her on her last lap and was glad to only go around once.

Race Day


To Recap & Then I’m Forgetting This Shit


The incredibly messed up situation that we’ve been dealing with since July of 2012 when Sweety remembered some truly awful stuff that happened to him as a kid has drawn to a legal close. That closure happened weekend before last. It wasn’t quite the end we’d hoped for but at least it’s over. I’d hoped that when the legal part was over that everything would be okey-dokey around here immediately, but of course, that kind of thinking is a pipe dream.

Sweety felt better because he didn’t have to worry about the legal stuff anymore. I think I had a little bit of a meltdown with just trying to not be on edge after 3 years. I pretty much spent all last week hiding in bed while Sweety managed Bean. It’s a little over a week out and I’m thinking that things will get to normal around here. It’s been so long since it’s been normal though that I still feel on edge because I’m waiting for something to happen.

Right now Sweety is without a job. He has a phone interview tomorrow with a place he’d really like to work for doing something that he’s always wanted to do. I am sincerely hoping that it goes well. If it doesn’t, I’ve told myself that it’s a sign for me to go back to work while Sweety stays home with Bean. And I’ll be honest. I’d rather rub my eye with a tiny cheese grater than go out into the workforce and deal with people.

Excruciatingly slow progress is being made on the sale of my Mom’s house. We should have the paperwork to sign regarding that within the next week or so and it will be done. And then hopefully, Lintball will die in a fire. My sister and I finally got the amount we need to reimburse Lintball for insurance payments on the house over the last 2 years. It is highly likely that I will get a couple of dozen money orders totaling the amount due to send to him. Just so that fuckstick has to endorse each one. Depends on how much of an asshole I’m feeling like tomorrow. The forecast says that there’s an 85% chance of this.