I cooked dinner the first Thanksgiving after Sweety and I were married. The turkey took forever because I left the giblet or gut bag in and the green bean casserole was like eating shoelaces. Since then, either Boston Market or Honeybaked Ham does our dinner.
A couple of weeks ago, Sweety said something about me needing to be a proper wife and cook the dinner. I got to thinking about it and decided that he was right. I told everyone yesterday that I would personally cook the entire dinner and Sweety and the boys started to panic. It took approximately 45 seconds for them to mobilize and do something to save themselves.
I’m not cooking Thanksgiving dinner by a vote of 3 to 1.
I believe I’ve mentioned that everybody in the house with a penis in this house was rooting for McCain. Stinky, Tiny, and I were pulling for Obama. You can only imagine the air in the house last night. BB was beside himself when he went to bed because the election results hadn’t been announced yet but things weren’t looking good for his man.
When he got up this morning, Sweety told him that McCain won just to see his little face light up and then told him he was just kidding. I’ve promised Sweety that I’ll continue to work for the next 4 years so when wealth is being redistributed that we’ll still be able to eat. But I swear, if Sweety calls me “Barack” one more time, I may lose it and pop him in the nose. Or scratch Tiny Dog’s butt with my finger and then stick it in his mouth while he’s asleep.
In other news…
A toaster oven.
One lonely sock.
A three legged gerbil.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
All of these things have fallen out of my coochie in the last 10 days. I was off the pill for about a month and having my first “natural” cycle in 17 years. This shit is for the birds. I’ve heard that some chicks deal with this every month. Fuck that noise. I’m going crazy. It has been over a month since I’ve gotten laid. I’m ready to pull someone’s leg off and beat them to death with it. My birth control pills arrived via Pony Express last week and I’ve been eating them so maybe this will all end soon.
13 Comments, Comment or Ping
Too funny! I love that the the guys voted for you not to cook…WISH THAT WERE MY CASE.
I am feeling better about Barack after his speech last night, but he has a lot of work to do and I will support him. Just hope and pray for his safety and direction.
Why are you off your pills? You must be really ready to kill someone…Take care and be good to yourself.
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November 5th, 2008 2:03 pm
What you need to do is cook one really crappy Thanksgiving dinner. Then they won’t ask you to do it again.
I know the country needs a lot of work but I think he’s up to the task. I really hope so, anyway.
My pills ran out & I didn’t get around to seeing my doctor in time for my annual exam. That will not happen again next year!
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November 5th, 2008 2:06 pm
Viva Obama!
LMAO at the Partridge In A Pear Tree!!!!
We’re eating at my Mom’s. Nobody is anxious for me to cook either.
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November 5th, 2008 2:29 pm
I’ll second that “Viva!” The Partridge? The bad part is it can’t even sing really well. I may let it go. Man, I wish we were close enough to eat with my Mom. :sigh:
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November 5th, 2008 3:14 pm
Hell, my first turkey was great, but I was wondering why I could “read” something thru the bird…yep, I left that packet inside too. Now, I can do a mean Thanksgiving dinner (38 years of practice.)
Now, can I have my 3 legged gerbil back???
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November 5th, 2008 4:03 pm
I can understand the sock and the 3 legged gerbil, but honestly, a toaster oven?
I only hope someone cleaned out all of those crumbs before it got put there. Or maybe it just accidentally fell in there the same way it fell out.
Oh well, either way. Just be glad Jimmy Hoffa didn’t fall out. Otherwise the FBI would have to put that yellow crime tape up all your vag and the whole getting laid thing would have to be put off until the checked the scene for clues.
In other news, we couldn’t be happier around here that Obama won. I’m going to celebrate tonight with some fried chicken.
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November 5th, 2008 4:24 pm
At least I don’t have to see Palin’s stank ass on the TV every night, but sadly my friend John McCain won’t be calling me everyday reminding me to vote for him. I didn’t, I went with the Constitutional Party and may be only one of the five votes Chuck Baldwin, their presidential candidate, received. I’m hoping the party catches on though.
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November 5th, 2008 9:17 pm
Dude, what have you been EATING? (or trying to smuggle?)
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November 5th, 2008 10:49 pm
I’m not sure which comment made me pee my pants the most. As soon as I lift myself up off the floor – I let my co-workers think I was crying – and recompose myself, I’ll get back to business.
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November 6th, 2008 9:44 am
Tell the penis bearers they are all going down in history books as having voted the wrong way.
So far the only good thing about being 50 is no more rag. Since I was never preggers I never got a month off … long, bloody haul and I don’t miss it one bit! In the meantime, buy stock in Kotex.
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November 7th, 2008 2:45 am
I echo what Sara Sue Said….That is ALL a dim memory now, and talk about Not Missing Something…lol….I do recall, that when things were winding down, I had quite a collection of stuff that departed with it—Four Turtle Dovres, etc…..!
Obama is The Man! Your Penis Boys are waaaaaay behind the times…..!
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November 7th, 2008 4:15 am
…I was going to write something here…
…But I’m too busy snickering at all of the horrible stuff.
“Regal” isn’t the only one who lost bladder control on this one!
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November 7th, 2008 10:10 pm
Don’t you still have to take pills for a while before they kick in?
California Girl and I were on the same side (check out this week’s HNT post to see which one) so we didn’t have much drama this political season.
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November 8th, 2008 5:43 pm
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