The first thing I find on the internet this morning is this site where you can give yourself some tuning up. (Thanks, Jeni!) I wasted too much of my life seeing what I’d look like without wrinkles or bags under my eyes. Then I put some eye cream on and took a nap.
Rolled outta bed to find that Stinky Dog had taken a giant, horse-sized, shit right beside my bed. WTF? She has never done that before. Then – when I pick up the still steaming pile and put it in the toilet? It almost clogs the toilet up. If that would have happened, seriously, Stinky Dog would be on “vacation” with Chi Chi 2.0 right now.
I had friends from work over to my house on Sunday. This was the very first time that I had ever invited someone over. It’s really hard for me to make friends. I worry that they will think I’m a dork when I open my mouth. Or find something horrifying about my house. So I generally never ask people over. I’ll come to your house and be a nice guest but what if I invite you over and you say no because you secretly can’t stand me?
Ahem.
As I was saying, friends over. The plan was to eat and drink a little and for me to get some ideas on decorating my house. By the time the night ended, another friend and I drank a whole bottle of tequila and I lost the last 2 or 3 hours of the night.
Woke up with skinned elbows, a sore back, bruised knee and a sticky face. Sweety said, “I’ve known you a long time and have never seen the sort of thing that happened that night.” He said it was totally fucking crazy when it was going on but now he wants to laugh when he thinks about it. He also said he’s having a hard time looking right at me and that I need to apologize to him every time I see him. I won’t argue with that.
I’ve decided to lay off tequila for awhile. I will have it again when Bekah comes down in May. She’s never had Patron tequila before and I’m thinking of buying us two tiny bottles of tequila so I am not tempted to drink a whole half bottle. And I’d hate to have to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped while she’s here.
25 Comments, Comment or Ping
At least you didn’t pee the bed. Like I’ve done when I am that wasted.
Sorry to suck you into that site. I am still trying to recover and stay away. But just to bring you down to my level: try it with different pictures. I have done 6, so far. It really opens your eyes to how much better you can be and how much money you will now have to spend in plastic surgery.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 4:04 pm
oooo….bed wetting… I have done that though. The last time was at my Mom’s when we were on vacation. Luckily, I was sleeping on my own twin-sized air mattress so Sweety wasn’t affected.
That site is a horrible thing. I’ve had fun giving myself and other people that I happen to photo makeovers too.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 4:04 pm
hahahahaha! I just did a photo of Tiny Dog! She got an eyebrow lift!
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April 1st, 2009 1:39 pm
I know I need work. I’m more focused on my stomach and boobs, if I knew how much I needed to fix my face I might totally lose my mind!
You and I are so much alike, it’s so damn funny.
I wish you guys lived closer. We’re awful because we don’t like going to anyone else’s house mainly because we hate dragging kids around, etc. Plus, I’m just strange. I’ll meet someone at a bar for drinks, I’ll invite someone (or lots of someones) to my house. I’m strange.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I’ve given up on my boobs. I don’t see them everytime I look in the mirror, so they don’t exist.
You’ve got kids & I’ve got dogs. It’s hard to find people that will welcome a Stinky Dog. Tiny? She drinks booze & is pretty cool. Stinky takes some getting used to.
Plus, I’m just strange. Amen, sister!
Really, you ARE my west coast twin.
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April 1st, 2009 2:12 pm
Chickie and tequila…hmmmm. I love Sweety, he’s being so kind to you. I can’t imagine you have a hard time making friends. My philosophy is: take me as I am! I’ve had people tell me what they don’t like also…too damn bad! Heehee!
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Dude, I am so glad Sweety is being kind to you because if he (or his friends) had acted the way I did the other night? I dunno…
People just freak me out. I like to watch them though.
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April 1st, 2009 3:01 pm
I bet Stinky would cost a fuck ton to freeze dry.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Yes. I’m thinking of having Stephen turn her into a rug instead. I’d put wheels on her and tie her to my belt loop. So she can follow my ass everywhere & I can step on her when she’s dead just like when her heart was beating.
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April 1st, 2009 6:33 pm
So, are you going to tell us what happened?
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I can’t tell it all here. It’s just too embarrassing. It was a TRAINWRECK, trust me.
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April 1st, 2009 6:51 pm
I’m very glad that y’all aren’t dead, by the way.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Thank you.
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April 1st, 2009 6:51 pm
Tequila, the Devil’s tea. I got so sick on it once I can’t even abide the smell. Speaking of smell, must’ve been the day for dog shit. Yukon had a big diarrhea dump on the living room rug. That was fun to clean up.
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Chickie said:
April 1st, 2009 at 10:38 pm
I’ve been having phantom Tequila taste in my mouth for the past 3 days. Ugh.
I am now thankful that Stinky’s could be picked up and was on a wood floor. I’d have had to cut the carpet out if she’d have gone on it.
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April 1st, 2009 10:21 pm
The question (besides what happened) is are you still friends with the person from work? And Tasha needs a serious attitude adjustment. Waking up with a sump beside the bed is not something that you want to happen very often.
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Chickie said:
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Oh, yes. Work friend is still a friend. He is an interesting fellow.
I don’t know what Tasha’s damn problem is. Usually, if she needs to go out, she will bark. Maybe I didn’t hear her with my earplugs in? I dunno. If this becomes a habit then heavy action will have to be taken.
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April 2nd, 2009 5:54 am
Whew I am so glad you are both still alive. Stinky is a queen – you know I love her to bits. Oh, and you’re not bad, either.
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Chickie said:
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Love her to bits? It’s funny you say that – that is how I told Sweety that I loved him the first time and now we just say “bits” as short for “i love you”.
Ah, yes. Stinky is a queen. I do love that shitting mess.
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April 2nd, 2009 6:46 pm
Patron IS the best! Glad neither of you are dead. Basset’s can shit horrifying amounts. I can attest to that. When Flash was little he’d poop and we’d think a horse had wandered into the yard while we weren’t looking.
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Chickie said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Patron Silver…mmmm…Love it.
Yes! Like a horse! I’ve seen Stinky walking while pooping like a horse in a parade. She just doesn’t give a damn.
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April 3rd, 2009 12:48 pm
Poor Stinky and poor you! I hope she’s okay; that’s odd behavior.
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Chickie said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
She’s okay. I think she must have just really needed to go and I didn’t realize it. Or else she was mad that I didn’t put her in the bed and did it as a grudge. She’s probably too nice for that though.
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April 3rd, 2009 2:13 pm
Does the tuning up involve gallon buckets of spackle and electric sanders?
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Chickie said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Just a click of the mouse!
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April 3rd, 2009 8:26 pm
Reply to “Stinky Dog Isn’t Dead & Neither Am I! Yay!”