We were going to light some fireworks on the last night that we were at my Mom’s house. We do this there every year since we can’t have fireworks at our house. I like watching big fireworks in the sky but am terrified of being burned. Or exploded. I prefer to hide in or very near the house. As I was preparing to nestle into the porch, Sweety insisted that I come into the yard with him to watch them. He said he would protect me.
Two little rocket things go into the air without incident.
One of those fountain thingies that sit on the ground and shoot sparks meets its destiny uneventfully.
Then…
The grand finale!
It’s one of those multi-shot fireworks that explode into prettiness in the sky.
The first one goes off and looks all sparkly.
The second one shoots across the front lawn.
Hm. That’s weird. Maybe it’s just a low shooter?
The next one comes towards the house.
Holy shit. I need to get out of here!
I turn to run into the house and a fireball screams up the sidewalk and slams into the front door. I decide it would be in my best interest to run to the back of the house instead.
As I narrow the gap between Mom’s car and the house, one of the fiery bastards flies a couple of feet in front of me. I see it’s fire trail burn out and am relieved.
Good. It burned out!
I forgot that at the end of the fireball’s flight that it would explode. Until it did and sparky things hit my legs.
Suddenly, my flight response was very strong and I hauled ass around the house while screaming, “I told you so! I told you so!” over and over in my head.
Got to the backyard to see that LB was right there with me. We waited several seconds for all of the explosions to stop.
Oh no! What if my Mom got an eye poked out? Or Sweety? Or Stepdad? I am such a chickenshit! I better go see if anyone’s bleeding.
LB and I are walking towards the front when we hear, “It’s on fire!”
The pasture across the dirt road. On fire. We all stand there for a few seconds watching it burn. It was burning towards the dirt road and I thought it was going to burn itself out.
But the wind had other ideas. It started to blow away from us and some sparks jumped and started two more little fires. The whole time my Stepdad is yelling to call 911 and someone handed a phone to LB to make the call.
He hands the phone to me and I have an internal conversation.
If I call and we put the fire out – we’ll get a ticket and look like idiots. If I call and the fire is still burning when they get here – we’ll still get a ticket and look like idiots but at least the firefighters will have something to do, right?
So, I closed the phone and filled a bucket with water instead.
We knew that we needed to get into the pasture to put the fire out. But this stood in our way.
See the second wire? The shiny one? Electrified. We didn’t realize that though. Not until my sweet Mama went to climb over it and ended up flipping over it like a ninja instead when it bit her.
We got the fire out.
The patches on the left are about 3 feet across each and the other one is around 5. It doesn’t look like much but when it’s dry and windy things are a bit frantic when fire is involved. So frantic that we didn’t know that the water hose would have pretty much reached the damned fire if we would have uncoiled it from around the car, tree, fence and birdbath. Sweety figured that out for us and that made the job of firefighting much easier.
The best part? My Mom’s mother-in-law lived right next door and passed away about a year and a half ago. They’ve been trying to sell the house ever since. They had just closed on it the day before and the new neighbor had been moving in that day.
So, this lady, on her first night in her new house – gets to listen to her redneck neighbors blow shit up when it isn’t Independence Day and gets to watch them set the pasture across the way on fire and sees them run around like chickens with their heads cut off while putting it out.
Welcome to the neighborhood!
30 Comments, Comment or Ping
Now tell people about your SECOND fireworks experience of the trip. And how no one got exploded or set on fire. :)
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I will get around to that part of the trip. And I think my vomit that night qualifies as exploding.
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bekah said:
August 7th, 2009 at 12:00 am
Hahahahaha just today Sam asked randomly, is Anna ok? Is Anna pukin on da potty? I was like, I’m pretty sure she’s fine now.
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August 5th, 2009 11:17 pm
LOVE this story – takes me back to the year my kid caught the siding of a new house on fire as well as the construction dumpster in front of it. It was a very similar situation.
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Oh, the siding?! Holy crap. I was so glad that we didn’t set the roof on fire!
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August 5th, 2009 11:26 pm
Classic Chickie.
ANd it sounds horrifying. No fireworks when we finally hang out.
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I will bring glowsticks instead to UnBlogHer 2010.
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bekah said:
August 7th, 2009 at 12:00 am
What’s UnBlogHer and am I invited?
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Chickie said:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
UnBlogHer is not Blogher. And of course you are invited! To the Louisiana leg of UnBlogHer.
I forgot to tell you that you were UnBlogHer 2009.
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Jeni Angel said:
August 7th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Glowsticks. Yes. That is the safe bet. If there is anything involving real fire, we will end up dead.
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August 5th, 2009 11:39 pm
You always have at least one interesting adventure whenever you visit your mom. Glad that no one was hurt. How much electricity is in the fence around the pasture?
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I’m not sure how much juice is in the fence. Not enough to kill you, I guess, but enough to make you jump and to keep cows in. I wouldn’t go near it. The place would have burned to the ground if I’d have had to get shocked.
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August 6th, 2009 6:32 am
i haven’t laughed that hard in a long time!
i applaud your decision making.
oh and you dexterity. lol
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
*takes a bow* Thank you.
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August 6th, 2009 8:38 am
Chickie – ONLY YOU!! that is hysterical. I’m glad no one was injured, but the escapade is interesting.
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
And you can totally bet that any other fireworks shows will be carefully inspected by me before anything gets lit.
Our downfall was the fireworks were on the road and we think a piece of gravel may have thrown it off balance and caused it to fall on its side.
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August 6th, 2009 10:36 am
That is pretty scarey! Don’t you love it when you hear that little voice inside you saying “RUN”?
I am glad that your mother was not hurt from the fence. I can totally see this misadventure happening to you.
Chickie stay away from the fireworks! LOL
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Chickie said:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Dude, that voice was shrieking at me, lol. It was a littlw voice when I was telling Sweety that I should hide before the show started. I’m going to listen to that voice sooner the next time.
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August 6th, 2009 11:29 am
Unbelievable! I love your family.
(Your poor Mama! I’ve touched an electric fence before – *Why won’t that horse come up and take this nice big handful of fresh, green grass from me?*, she wondered…* and boy howdy, that ain’t fun!)
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Chickie said:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
My people are one of a kind :)
I’m relieved to hear that you’ve touched a fence and lived. I’d heard an old-wives tale that if you touched one that you’d have a heart attack within a few weeks. I’ll quit worrying about Mama now.
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August 7th, 2009 7:26 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOUR CHICKNESS!!! LOVE YA!!!
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Chickie said:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Thank you!
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August 7th, 2009 9:08 pm
Holy crap what an adventure!! Glad you didn’t have to call the fire dept! My dad once set the back yard on fire and proceeded to burn the back yards of at least 3other neighbors! He wouln’t give up tho and finally managed to put it out with the help of the neighbors. He didn’t want to call the fire dept either!
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Chickie said:
August 8th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
When I was 7 or so, my Dad was burning trash and the fire got out of hand. It ended up burning I don’t know how many acres and a hay barn.
Maybe that is when my crazy fear of fire took root.
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August 8th, 2009 11:59 am
Happy Belated Birthday to you! Keep on having fun.
I left you an award because you are “insanely crazy” and I adore your blog.
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Chickie said:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Thank you on all counts!
I can put up your award when I talk about the “you” part of the trip!!
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August 8th, 2009 1:41 pm
Well That Is Horrific! Your biggest fears about Fireworks come true!
I must say I have never liked Fireworks being set off anywhere at people’s homes jyst for this reason….Not that it can’t happen elsewhere too, but they always seem prepared for anything that might occur–when it is done “professionally”.
WELCOME to the Neighborhood, INDEED! (lol)
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Chickie said:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
The sad part was that we had one more BIG firework to blow up but decided not to in light of the situation. Maybe next year….I WILL hide in the house though!
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August 8th, 2009 10:13 pm
So the garden hose…. and the electric fence? That managed to all work out okay, or did you just make Mama hold it since she was already “primed?”
:p
I wouldn’t suggest hiding in the house, either. It’s just going to catch the house on fire when the fireworks try to chase you down.
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Chickie said:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
LOL, no, Mama did not have to hold the hose! Sweety did that while she beat the hell out of the fire with a wet towel.
Do you think the fireworks are after me? Holy shit. Hadn’t thought of that til now!
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August 9th, 2009 12:55 am
Reply to “Boom!”