This was the email that was innocently sitting in my inbox.

Anna – Just wanted to send you a quick email after seeing your post “Hello, Thursday!”

I thought that you looked fantastic in the picture. Super cute. I am always happily surprised by how beautiful you are. :D Thank you for sharing!

I can’t believe I am doing this, but I attached a picture that I hope you will like.

This was the photo. Go on and click it! It’s safe for work. Um, unless you shouldn’t be fucking around on the computer while you’re at work. In that case, you shouldn’t be here anyway right now. ;) One of the best photos to EVER hit my inbox. (whoa, that sounds kind of dirty.)

If you’re wondering, this is the other best photo to ever grace my computer. There’s something about hamster coochies and teenaged boys who channel Freddie Mercury that touches my soul.

But what made me laugh even more was the email sent in reply to my “thank you” email. (all that bold type was me thinking to myself while I was reading it)

Subject: When I Googled Hamster Coochies …

(oh and btw, in a server somewhere deep in the bowels of Google, there’s a record that the computer at IP XXX.XXX(whatever my current IP is) has a fondness for Hamster genitalia, which is just wonderful *eyeroll*)

…I suddenly got this sense that what I was doing was somehow not what normal people do.

I mean – Who Googles for Hamster vaginas? (Well, I will now admit that I HAVE Googled that before. Also mouse vagina. Because they’re tiny and I like tiny things. It’s all I can do to not subject the internet to a close-up shot of Tiny Dog’s cooch because it is so adorable.)

I have to say that I started feeling a little self conscious about what I was doing. I had to pull the blinds down. Which made it even worse in one respect. But at least any innocently passing neighbor dweller wouldn’t get the wrong idea beamed out at them through the glare of my monitor. That didn’t make it feel any less… creepy… but it did make it feel like the creepiness was contained to the room. (Creepiness was contained to the room…I like that. That’s thoughtful!)

I guess the fact that doing such a Google search seemed weird is a good indicator that I might be relatively normal after all. (And now that I know that someone thinks searching for hamster coochies is not normal. This totally confirms my weirdness. And explains why Sweety had no desire to look at rodent coochie photos.)

Once I got the images together a thought popped into my mind: I am sending a woman I don’t really know (though I like to think of you as a friend in that strange “I haven’t met them but know them from the internet” sort of way, but, whom courts across the land would probably define as a complete stranger), pictures of naughty animal bits. Horrified, I added some text to the collage to assuage my sense of possibly committing some sort of cyber-crime, and, tying it back into the joke that I was desperately hoping that you would get when you received it. (This whole paragraph made me laugh til I cried.)

I momentarily toyed with the idea of naming the image like it had just been downloaded from a camera, you know, like P10105342.jpg, in order to perpetuate the bit, but realizing you’d probably then not even open the image and forever think I was a perv, so I went for the hopefully obvious “hamster-coochies.jpg”. (I first saw the email on my phone & couldn’t see the name of the file. I worried all day that someone that I thought was a normal internet friend had turned out to be a crazy perv. And honestly? If the file had a name like it had come from a camera – I’d have sent a polite email asking him if he REALLY wanted me to open it or was this a horrible mistake. Because I’m nice like that.)

My finger hovered back and forth over SEND for what seemed like hours before I just went Fuck It and clicked! (Yay for not worrying that you look cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and sending this bit of awesomeness!)

I am glad that you thought the Hamster coochies were awesome, but if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll just send penises from now on. Or perhaps no pictures at all. Yes. Yes, I think that might be best.

I love my internet peeps.

In: bwahahahahaha! | | #