Seriously?


This delivering the baby thing. She has an estimated arrival time now of November 16. Moved from November 11.

Not so deep down inside, I’m a giant wimp. Normally, I handle pain and shit okay but this whole birthing idea has me fah-reeeked out. Yeah, yeah…I know women all over the world have babies all of the time and go right back to plowing the field after they’ve gnawed through the umbilical cord. Well. I am terrified.

And do you know what would be awesome? If my Mama could be here when I squirt out the Bean.

At first, we didn’t think that was possible because we didn’t think she would have that much vacation time. Last night, she told me that she could take two weeks off in November to come down and hopefully the Bean would arrive then or would be freshly squeezed and Mom could help me figure out what the hell I am doing.

Yay! Yay!

We (Sweety and I) look at flights thinking that they’re going to be an arm and a leg since Thanksgiving is that month but we found November 17 to December 1 for super cheap. (I have a feeling that the Bean is going to be here a little after the 16th. Call it intuition or wtf ever.) I call Mom and tell her the dates tonight and she’s excited. I’m excited. Mama will be here when the Bean arrives or very shortly thereafter for two weeks! Yay! Yay!

Mom mentions this plan to her husband. (see? he used to be my stepdad. now, he’s mom’s husband. foreshadowing, peeps. foreshadowing.) And he shoots it out of the air because he doesn’t want to be alone during Thanksgiving. Nevermind that he has a sister he could go visit (but refuses because he doesn’t like his brother-in-law). Nevermind that I’ve waited forever to do this and Mom is very. much. excited. that I’m having her little namesake and has mentioned eleventy-billion times that she’d love to be here when the Bean arrives.

Nope. The holidays make him sad and being home alone ANY FUCKING TIME makes him sad (people, it was an almighty trial when Mom came down last spring with my niece, let me tell you.) and I guess with the combination of them both that he might just wither up and blow away. He didn’t tell Mom she couldn’t go but told her that if it was him that he wouldn’t leave her home alone and poured on the guilt. If it was him in a situation like this? She’d insist that he go because she is nice like that.

I think Mom expected me to handle this gracefully but I did not. She knows that I am very disappointed and I couldn’t even talk to her on the phone anymore because I was getting ready to cry. And I was afraid that her husband would want to talk to me to explain the situation to me (he’s good about that sort of thing.) and I just don’t want to hear it. I really had to bite my tongue to not ask her to tell him that I said to suck my dick.

We’d talked about them both coming down in January and he’d stay for a week and go home while Mom stayed for an extra week. Actually, we spoke of him staying 4 days and her staying for 2 weeks because the tickets were much cheaper that way but he didn’t want to only stay for 4 days and be alone at home for 10 days. Now? I’ve decided that I don’t want any company in January. I think I’m going to be discombobulated enough after having a baby and the more I think about it, the more I don’t feel like having company that I don’t really want to see. Especially if that company was the reason that my Mama didn’t come down when I was having the baby. It’s like, seriously dude? You can’t suck it up and amuse your damned self for two weeks just this one time?!

Summer before last, yeah, 2010 – I’m a grudgeholder – he pissed me off royally while we were there on vacation and I’m still butthurt over it. I heard about how he was talking to the neighborlady because “sometimes you just want to talk to someone who speaks English” (yes, he really said that to me) and I flipped my wig. The short story is, Mom came home from work and he was all grouchy but when the phone rang and it was the neighborlady returning his call, he became all Chatty-Cathy and laughed and talked with her for almost an hour and when Mom said something about how he was grouchy with her but not with someone else, that was his excuse. I’m sorry. He must have overlooked the fact that English is Mom’s second language when they married 12 years ago. Poor guy. What a shock that must have been to realize.

Sweety and I have looked up other days that she could come in November or December (because if she comes alone for two weeks before January then they won’t come in January because she will have used her vacation time for awhile and he doesn’t get his until January. geez, could I say “January” one more time there? and this way I’ll get to see her and won’t have to fool with him at all until next summer.) and I’ll ask her about them tomorrow. Hopefully, he won’t grouch about it but I have a feeling that the fact that Thanksgiving fell in the days we’d originally talked about is just an excuse and that he’s going to bitch at all if she wants to be here for two weeks without him.

Now. Am I being a hormonal bitch? Or am I correct in feeling that he’s being a giant douchepickle? Do people really get so depressed over the holidays that they can’t be left alone? If so, can’t we medicate the hell out of him for two weeks? Or is that insensitive to even think? (i don’t even know when i’m being sarcastic anymore.) I mean, it’s not like I’m saying, “Hey Mom! Come visit for 2 weeks in November that fall over Thanksgiving just because I’d like to see your happy face!”