I love fake fruit flavor. That lime drink stuff you can get in a gallon sized jug? Orange, lime, grape. I love it. While I was pregnant, I lost my shit in the grocery store when I couldn’t find any premade fake lime drink. It occurred to me as I drove away sniveling that I could have bought some green kool-aid and made my own. Hindsight.
I can’t stand the high school’s baseball coach. I call him Grubster. He’s so sloppy it drives me crazy. I’d like to get a nice fluffy towel, a pressure washer, a sock full of nickels, a clean toilet brush, a can of Comet cleanser and two new pairs of underwear for men and kidnap him. I’d make him put the first pair of drawers on while I prewashed him with the pressure washer and then I’d scrub him with the Comet and toilet brush until he was pink and shiny and bleeding in random places. That would be followed with a pressure washer rinsing and then he could dry off and put the other pair of clean drawers on. Then I would hit him in the ear with the sock of nickels. There are other reasons that I find him loathsome (other than being a hot mess) but this is the one thing that I could easily fix.
Sweety had his knee whacked into on Wednesday. Left knee this time. The right was done around this time last year. There are other things that have really been bothering him for awhile and I’m going to try and get him to get it checked out while he’s off work with this. He thinks he needs to just suck shit up and hurt until he dies but I’m of a different mindset.
While waiting for Sweety to get out of surgery, I saw something on the television about these crash helmets for babies. At first I thought this was the stupidest idea ever. I’ve had 3 nights to lie awake and imagine a toddling Bean getting trampled on the hard floor by Oliver. Yes, people. This is the shit that goes on in my mind. Kid hitting the ground and busting her keppie open while Oliver hauls ass away from the scene of the crime. Please, tell me stories of how your kid learned to walk and suffered traumatic head injuries and lived just fine without a crash helmet. OR tell me stories of how your insane Dachshund knocked your baby rolling and you wish she’d have had a helmet on. Validate my fear…or not.
22 Comments, Comment or Ping
4 kids – no helmets – (3 of them with larger clumsy kid knocking dogs) and most of them fairly brain intact.
Besides, you can make due with bubble wrap and duct tape if necessary.
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:11 pm
And I do love me some bubble wrap. This would be the perfect excuse to keep it on hand.
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February 25th, 2012 11:15 pm
“Then I would hit him in the ear with the sock of nickels”
God, you’re awesome.
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Honestly, if I didn’t think the sock full of nickels wouldn’t just slide off of his greasy head – I could whack him without cleansing him. You know he’s grubby if he needs a cleaning before he’s presentable enough for a job to the ear.
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February 25th, 2012 11:23 pm
2 kids. Nasty noodle knocking falls. Both are relatively alright. ;-)
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Good. You are in my “all okay sans helmet” column!
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February 25th, 2012 11:24 pm
I don’t know that Chango has ever knocked over the nieces. Sure, mini me is afraid of him, but that’s because he’s bigger than her and has a very dangerous tongue. No, from my experience and stories I have heard, the pooches are amazingly protective over the kidlets.
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I hope Oliver gives her space but I dunno…When he’s charging through the house it’s like he can’t see that there’s anything in front of him. I’ve had to swoop Tiny Dog up to keep her from being hip-checked across the porch.
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February 25th, 2012 11:25 pm
5 kids. Mostly un- brain-damaged. I had 4 boys and they were much rougher on each other than any dog could have been. They would deliberately try to knock each other down to break each other.
No helmets. Only a few trips to the ER for stitches in the head and NONE of those trips were from falling. :)
PS: Thanks for coming by and the comment!
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:16 pm
You’re welcome. :)
Okay, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I mean, I’m worried about just the weight of her own body cracking her like an eggshell. Yeah, falling down or being knocked down by the dog probably doesn’t have anything on the physical damage that my sister and I used to inflict on each other. And we’re okay. Ish.
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February 25th, 2012 11:26 pm
That must be one naaaaasty-assed coach! You have to go through all that just to be able to hit him with the bag of nickles?? (shiver)
Tell Sweety to get all his parts fixed, we need him around for a while. Hope the soreness goes away quickly for him.
The Bean is not a kid who is going to need a helmet for walking. In fact, by the way her hands and feet are moving in most of her pics … she’ll probably skip walking and just run. Save helmets for bikes, motorcycles and jumping out of planes.
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:18 pm
Yes. He’s that nasty assed. I think you could rub a piece of bread on him and then fry it. And he’s a fucking idiot.
Sweety is back on the mend. He says it’s nice that his knee isn’t screaming at him 24/7 anymore.
I’ve got a feeling that you’re right about the running. She is happiest when she is being quickly toured around the place.
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February 25th, 2012 11:47 pm
I read everybody’s comments and found it interesting that no one used helmets but there did seem to be a uniform thing about—their brains mostly being there….Lord! I think I would worry like you…..!
That man sounds like a real piece of crap!!! And I loved all the things you were going to do to him to get him cleaned up…..lol! I’d love to know what else there is about him that you feel so strongly negative about him—He must be a real mean MEAN guy!
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:19 pm
It’s not so much that he’s mean as freaking stupid. He tells the kids one thing and the parents something else and when it comes time for him to do something? He does something totally different. He just gets on my damned nerves.
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February 26th, 2012 12:17 am
Good lord, you’re awesome. The baseball coach is a douche pickle. And Sam only wears helmets for skates and bikes, and has hit her head more on the table picking Legos off the floor than anything else. So maybe crash helmets are a good idea.
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Or, maybe I should get rid of the table or ban Legos? Heh.
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February 26th, 2012 1:12 am
The new people I run into still ask me if she is serious about some of the comments she lets fly. We do not do it often but we went out to the youngest boys baseball game together yesterday and we were standing away from everyone else. I like to do that so if I drop a colorful word only myself or now the bean will hear it. Well yesterday a friend came over to join the three of us. The conversation. Turned to the coach and Anna said without missing a beat I would like to get him alone and give him s piece of my mind. I know she does not remember saying it because I looked at hear at the time and she was messing with the sling in which the bean was riding.
Well when I went back alone later my friend came over to me and asked if Anna was serious at which point I just looked at him and said I am not sure but I would hate to he the coach.
I love my wife!
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Chickie said:
February 26th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
I feel bad that I said that out loud. I didn’t mean to. I’d rather everyone didn’t know that I was an angry loon.
You’re pretty neat, Sweety.
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February 26th, 2012 6:01 am
We use helmets, but only when we are riding things with wheels.
I had a kid fall out of my bed and land pretty hard. He survived and we put the bed on the floor. Or maybe we just added a baby rail to the bed. I don’t remember.
Both of the boys have scrubbed their heads/faces on the sidewalk. I’m not sure a helmet would have saved them.
They know to just get up, wash off, and go out and do it again.
:)
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Chickie said:
March 5th, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Using one with wheeled things will definitely be done…and it occurs to me now that Oliver probably wants to have a kid crash into him about as much as I do. I bet he’ll be smart enough to avoid her!
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February 27th, 2012 7:32 pm
No helmets around the house; but always on bicycles. When our daughter was young and riding her very first bicycle, she fell off backwards and hit so hard she cracked her helmet. She was unhurt except for the scare; but I hate to think what would have happened if that had been her bare head.
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Chickie said:
March 5th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Oh, ouch! Cracked the helmet?! Dang. Yeah, that would have been someone horrible on a bare head.
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February 28th, 2012 6:42 pm
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