Things I’m Not Doing While Stuck In Traffic

The dingbat in front of me just flicked her cigarette butt out the window. It would feel so good to hop out of my car and toss the burning thing into her back seat.

Wish I had a can of family-sized green beans to hurl at every douchepickle who’s zoomed past me while driving on the shoulder.

Why are all of these assholes honking? We are stuck on a bridge, people. Honking isn’t going to clear up traffic. But maybe if you all honk enough the vibration from your horns will cause the bridge to break underneath us.

I’m sick. I almost called in to work this morning but didn’t. As soon as I can get off on an exit ramp, I’m turning around and going home to cough and sweat in peace.

Last night I was freezing when I went to bed. I remember kind of waking up and being glad that my fever was so bad because it warmed the bed up. Unfortunately, the fever didn’t regulate itself too well and got worse until I was slipping around in sweat soaked sheets. Then the fever subsided and I froze in my cold sheets.

An unmarked police car just came around me! A blue Civic like mine! I do not like unmarked cars. Sneaky bastards

A “thank you” to the drivers kind enough to see my blinker and let me get across traffic so I can exit out of this shit. Eventually.