Good Morning!


Sweet, tiny, colicky, baby Jesus…Why am I awake? Gah. Bean woke up at 2:30 to pee and I’ve been wide-eyed since then. I’m not bitching about having 4 hours of sleep though. That’s much better than no sleep because Bean is beside me trying to pet the skin off of the soft part of my arm. She is finally sleeping in her own bed! She wakes up once, maybe twice, a night to potty and then goes right back to bed.

Goodnight

Awhile back, we took the crib/toddler bed out of her room and put our old bed in its place. Tried to get her to sleep in there for months but she’d wake up all night long. We were lucky to get a solid 90 minutes without her waking up losing her shit. We wouldn’t have minded her sleeping with us if she’d let us sleep. Instead she’d spend all night rubbing or pinching us in her sleep and if the blanket wasn’t arranged just right then she’d scream about that. We noticed if she was asleep by herself in our room that she wouldn’t wake up. Our old bed felt like sleeping on a sack of potatoes so I thought maybe she’d sleep better in there if the mattress was more comfortable. Put a mattress topper on it and voila! Bean is happy with her bed. Little diva.

Friday was the last day of school for her and they had a play day. Pony rides, bounce houses, snow cones, and sprinklers. She was giving me the thumbs up because she was excited to get to play in the water at school.

Last day of school!

See her polished toes? Black glitter. I have a nail polish collection that’s ridiculous and the only colors she likes are black and a pink so pale that you can’t see it. I’m thinking of polishing her nails something colorful while she’s asleep and telling her that Tiny Dog did it for her.

We made it to Oklahoma and back without incident. The worst rain in forever has been going on there and it rained the whole time we were there. There was a window of a few hours where it wasn’t and we were able to go to the cemetery and clean up Mom’s plot. The house sale hasn’t been completed yet so I was able to check out the house. Lintball cleaned it out. Even took all of the appliances. The only thing left was a box in the shed with all of the cards that him and Mom got at their wedding. I was pissed off that he couldn’t be bothered to throw it away himself. I was greeted with a family of spiders in the box and was very tempted to send the box, spider family and all, to him in the mail.

Sweety started a new job Friday! Not in management. He’s being an ant and likes it so far. He said it’s nice to clock out and not have to think about work any more or deal with phone calls or business after hours. Hopefully, after he’s been there awhile and knows more about the place, they’ll have a management opening that he can get into though. Both of us are a little calmer now. With the new job and what we have saved, we will be okay for a little while. The person who hired him almost didn’t. Told Sweety he was overqualified and that he couldn’t believe that he was going to give Sweety a chance and hire him for the position. At the end of his first shift, the guy asked Sweety if he noticed anything they could do to make the warehouse run better. Sweety told him to give him a few days to check the place out more.

I feel really guilty that I’m not working now even though Sweety says he likes me being at home and able to hang out with the Bean. Sweety lost his mind the summer of 2012 and I was sitting at work worried that he was going to off himself and everyone around him and when Mom died it was too much and I basically stayed in bed for months. Now that I’m feeling betterish, I’m thinking that I should have just sucked it up and stayed at work. Too late now.



Further Proof


Bean does this when she’s getting ready to do something mischievous.
She calls it “putting her horns on”.

Putting her horns on.

Yeah. That’s definitely my kid.

She has an iPad and likes to watch Netflix. There are some shows that I don’t want her to watch and she knows it. She’d asked me to hang out with her in her bedroom while she watched a show. I saw her choose something inappropriate and asked her what she was doing. She put on a fake smile and a chirpy tone, “Mom, why don’t you just leave, okay? Go see Dad in the living room. I’m going to stay in here.” I explained that she still wouldn’t get to watch the crap she was after even if I left and she was a little deflated.

She’s just like her Daddy in that she can’t keep a secret for anything. I was getting her dinner ready and she was being quiet. I thought she was drawing on some construction paper until she piped up with, “Hey, Mom! I’m drawing on your table! Right now! Purple!”

Sweety told me the other day that the year I worked after she was born was really hard for him. He never told me that while I was working to keep me from feeling even more guilty. I’m kind of glad that I worked for a bit because Bean got to spend her days next door and I know that shaped how she is. I’m super glad that I have the chance to be at home with her now though.

I’m going to teach her how to draw on the undersides of tables. I think she will enjoy that.



Educated Bean


The Bean turned 3 in November. A few weeks before that, we started kicking around the idea that she should go to preschool. She’s smart. She’s learning a lot at home. She has no idea that she’s a toddler. She thinks she’s a teenager like the girls next door. She refers to people of her size as babies. And she and I were butting heads constantly. I think she was sick of seeing me all of the time.

Mid-October I called to see if there were any openings at the school near our house. Yes. Of course! So I tell the lady that Bean won’t be 3 for a few more weeks but can I come pay a deposit to hold her spot. Lady asks if Bean is potty-trained and when I say yes, she replies that she can start tomorrow. Sweety said that he could tell from the look on my face that I just found out that she could start right away. We took the rest of the week to pick out a backpack, get caught up on inoculations, and for me to be okay with sending my kid away for 3 hours a day.

To put it mildly, she loves it. The shape of the week last week was the octagon (which happens to be her favorite) and I thought she was going to shit her pants from excitement while telling me about it after school.

First day of school. Only a little bit of crying. By the second day, she had friends who were eager to whisk her off as soon as she walked through the door.

First Day of School

Here she is before the Christmas Program. Her class sang a rousing rendition of “Joy To The World”
Christmas Program

We’re working on getting Bean out of our bed because she’s such a little asshole to sleep with. It’s not good sleep for her unless she’s kicking the shit out of Sweety as she tries to pinch a hole in my arm. So now, she goes to sleep in her bed while I stay with her and tell her a story and she knows to get up and get me out of my bed when she wakes up to potty. Bean is quite a little sleep-talker. Sometimes when she’s fighting sleep she will talk or sing. One night she whisper-sang the theme to “Cops” over and over. “Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do?” I laid in the dark with her and felt like I was having an out of body experience listening to her. It just seemed too odd.

Last week she started talking as she was getting ready to pass out. “I go to school. I love friends. I have friends. My best friend is…” And she was quiet for a few seconds. (I got kind of excited because I was looking forward to hearing this kid’s name so I could pump her for information.) Then she says, “My mom. She’s my best friend.” Maybe I cried a tiny bit because it was so damned sweet.



Out of the Mouths of Babes


What’s an unmistakable sign that perhaps you need to do some personal grooming?

When your 2.5 year old literally throws her hands in the air horror-movie-style while shrinking away from you screaming, “Mom! I do not like your vagina!” She said it looked like a monster. Thanks, kid.

We decided it was time to get Bean out in the world and socialize with some of her own kind. As it is, she thinks she’s a teenager. Her favorite thing to do is go next door, play with Grandma and Papa and then go into the girls’ rooms over there and sit with them like she’s 13. She sees people her size and whispers disgustedly, “Babies!”. She saw a midget while walking with Sweety the other day and thought he was a baby too. I’m just glad that Sweety got to be part of that awkwardness and not me.

So. Anyway. She’s joined a gym. She gets to go in for a tumbling kind of class once a week and can go each day for an hour of free play. She looooooves it. When she wakes up at night to potty now, she will say that she’s dreaming of her balance beams. It’s adorable.

This outfit that she wore to see the princesses a couple of months ago? On the front it says “I love TMNT” with photos of the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Let's get moving!

It’s her favorite shirt. She loves the Ninja Turtles. She’s only seen about 5 minutes of one of their shows on Netflix (I won’t let her watch it because she mimics too much. I spend enough time keeping her off of the furniture without her trying to act like a Ninja Turtle) but has decided that they are her favorite and she wears the shit out of that shirt.

She wore it her first Saturday to gym class. Her second Saturday class Sweety took her alone and she wore it again. Some bitch with a stick up her ass commented on it. What the fuck? Seriously? Who the hell notices what a kid wears from one week to the next? Sweety just told her it was her favorite shirt and moved on. Third Saturday Sweety was taking her alone again and I asked if I should make her wear a different shirt. He said hell no, let her have the BEST DAY EVER by getting to wear her favorite shirt AND go to gym class. Sweety…there’s a reason I keep him around. Good guy. By the way, stick up her ass bitch didn’t mention her shirt.