Just For Fun

I tell Bean that Tiny Dog plays with her toys when she doesn’t put them away. Since she’s rather jealous of Tiny, this is an effective way of getting her to clean up. I take photos when she doesn’t so she knows that Tiny really does love her stuff.

When you don't put away toys


Tiny’s favorite place to ride on the way to pick Bean up from school.


Thanks, kid.

The Bean is really examining me as we are getting ready to bathe.

Mom, why do you have three poke-tattoos?

They’re just things that I liked so I got them.

Oh. Ok. How do you take off a poke-tattoo?

She calls them that after learning how tattoos are applied.

You can’t. Poke-tattoos aren’t removable like yours.

But Mom, what if you really wanted to take it off? How would you?

Well, one way is with lasers. But that could hurt and they don’t always come off.

Like with a laser gun?!

Her eyes were huge and she was very interested in this information.

Uh, yeah…like a laser gun.

Wow. Mom? I wouldn’t shoot your tattoos off even if I got to use a laser gun. I’d never want to make my beautiful Mom die accidentally with a laser gun.

Awww…thanks, honey. I appreciate that.

You know why, Mom? Because only you know how to turn on my t.v. shows. Dad doesn’t know how. He can’t run the remote and find my shows.

So this is my legacy.

Around Here

Bean wiped her own damned ass at home tonight. She’s been doing it as school for awhile but not here. She did and and exclaimed, “This is really exciting!” Yes. Yes, it is.

She told me today, “Mom, you shine even when the sun isn’t out. You don’t need polish on your toes to sparkle.”

The little jar the flowers are in is about 1.5 inches tall. Really tiny.

tiny arrangement

Bean likes to do “flower arranging”. They pick flowers at school to decorate their classroom tables and she’s started doing it here too. I think it’s cute as hell. Do you know how many tiny piles of dead wildflowers we have blowing around here? All of them that she brings to me clutched in her sweaty little hands.

This is the face of fury.

the fury

Tiny Dog was pissed the fuck OFF because Bean was singing. She doesn’t like to see Bean having a good time. My angry little old lady. I love her so. She’s lost so many teeth that her tongue won’t stay in her mouth. The only reason you don’t see it in that photo is because she had it drawn back to growl properly.

Sad news. Oliver left us in November. He was old and had been having health problems. I miss hearing him sniff around the house all of the time. Sometimes I think I hear his fat feet on the floor. He was batshit crazy but he was a good boy.

the devil you know

Tiny Dog missed him for a hot minute and then turned into a different dog. She still has her grumpy as hell moments but she’s much more laid back now. For a couple of weeks, she’d cry at bedtime but she was also a lot more relaxed during the day. I’ve realized that she wants to be an only dog so we probably won’t be getting another dog anytime soon. I’ll let her live out her life without worrying constantly that another dog might be in her food bowl. She will even let Bean pet her and sometimes carry her around. I about fell over the first time I saw that happening.

Paying for My Raising

The Bean had been leaving school at 11:30 and noticed as more kids switched to staying until 3. When it got down to her and two other kids, she announced after a pickup, “The morning children are dwindling, Mom. I want to be an afternoon child!” Now she is. She’s been an afternoon child for a few weeks now and likes it. She gets to take a lunch and takes a thermos of beans if she has a choice. She’s getting to go on little field trips in the afternoon and taking more music classes and yoga. All of this is great and good. The downside?

Little shitbird doesn’t want to nap in the afternoon. Bean is very sweet when she is sweet and absolutely insane when she’s not. Tonight she lost her shit in a grand way. We have never had a tantrum like she threw. It started because I offered her water instead of something tastier to her palate and then cranked up when I said she couldn’t take an iPad in the car while we ran to the grocery store. She was so crazy with the screaming and crying and wailing that I momentarily lost my bearings and all I could do was stand in the garage and cackle at the absurdity of the situation. That’s when she took off her mother fucking SHOE and threw it at me. That got my attention and then I got her attention. She calmed down and wanted to go next door to say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa. Even though the sun was still up, she knew that she was fried. Girl passed out for the night before 6 p.m.

I’m really hoping that she doesn’t wake up at 4 all ready to start the day.

Her school has been practicing for a 5k that is going to occur soon. Each class goes outside and runs their asses off around a track they’ve made. A couple of weeks ago they were having their last practice and parents were invited to watch and cheer. Each time they ran a lap, they got a little bracelet. Bean got 14 of those things. When I saw the track, I really thought she’d be lucky to make it around a couple of times. I ran (shuffled…whatever) with her on her last lap and was glad to only go around once.

Race Day