Guess who is sitting with a butterfly bandage on their dog bitten foot?

Not me.

Not the boys either because they aren’t here.

Not Tiny Dog because she’s smarter than to get on the business end of Oliver’s beak.

That would be Sweety. Slightly drunk, thought it would be a good idea to fool with Oliver’s toy with his foot, Sweety. Way to go, Sweety.

We have learned that Oliver is a perfect dog.

As a dog, he will bite the living shit out of you if you aren’t careful and have him whipped into a frenzy about his toy. He got ahold of BB a few weeks ago on the hand. I thought BB was going to faint. It was a nice deep three-tooth puncture that drug all the way to the edge of his hand where he yanked it away from Oliver.

Basically, Oliver thinks he’s grabbing his toy to run off or wrestle you for it and he accidentally grabs you instead.

Sweety’s got two, quarter inch deep holes in his foot now.

Oliver is not in trouble in any way. He was just doing what dogs do.

18 Comments | In: canines, toast | | #

You are looking at quite possibly, the world’s most spoiled Basset Hound.

At the end of December she scared the hell out of me when she got sick. When Sweety took her to the vet he mentioned some other behaviors she’d been exhibiting and the vet told him that she was just getting old and things like that were going to start happening and we would have to be ready to do what we needed to when the time came.

Well, I’m not ready for death time yet and I’ve gone to extreme measures to make sure she eats.

For a few months, she would happily suck down her dry dog food if it was mixed with wet dog food. Then she quit eating it. I knew that she would starve if I tried the “you’ll eat when you’re good and hungry” strategy so I started mixing her food with potted meat. You know, that canned shit that is sold in grocery stores. Grocery stores for people. Do you know what kind of look you get if you go into Wallyworld at 9 o’clock on a Friday night and buy 30 cans of potted meat? A weird one.

We rocked along on the Potted Meat/Dog Food So Nutritious I Could Eat It Diet for awhile. Then she flat quit eating it. (I don’t blame her. That potted meat is fucking gross.) So I moved on to canned tuna because I happened to have a ton of it that I’d bought on sale but when I found some tiny bones while eating it I couldn’t eat it any more. And that worked for awhile.

Guess what I’m doing now? Cooking for her.

One big pot of people food does her for about a week and then she’s ready for something new. (Conveniently, one big pot of food happens to last her a week.) We’ve done beans & rice, canned veggies (she wasn’t crazy about those so we won’t do them again), spaghetti and starting tomorrow it’s macaroni & cheese. Then I’ll start the rotation over with beans & rice because I have a big box of it in the pantry. The week after it’s Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper (minus the meat and milk).

I’d like to point out so Sweety doesn’t kill me that all of the foods I’ve been giving her are things that were on a giant sale. So basically she’s going to nosh on whatever is the special of the week. I can’t believe that I actually scour the grocery store shelves, looking for shit on sale that would be sticky enough to mix with dog food because if it’s not sticky she will just pick out the human food and leave the dog food behind.

Why do I have a feeling that I’ve been manipulated by Stinky Dog?

And Oliver….sweet…perfect…Oliver…

See that? That thing on the floor in front of Oliver’s back feet? That would be weenie sheath. Weenie sheath that touches my floor every time he stands still.

I’d like to get a bandage to wrap around his middle to keep it off the ground. I wonder if I could use some kind of strong tape to yank the skin on his middle up and that would lift it off the floor? Like a facelift but for his abdomen…

I don’t like seeing it touch the floor. Luckily, he does not have any little public hairs sprouting out of the top of it or I would pluck them to try and keep the area more sanitary. Don’t ask me how I happen to know that he’s hairless down there. Ahem.

18 Comments | In: canines | | #

I’m waffling between, “What is that crazy bitch doing?” and “I’m gonna hit that!”

6 Comments | In: canines, saturday night gratuitous photo | | #

This is Oliver .5 seconds after I screamed really loud to wake him up. He gets all buried up and then bumbles around when I scare him. It never gets old.

Here he is fighting for his blankie. We’ll wrap his toy in the blanket and then he’ll find it. If he can’t get to it easily then he will just chew through the blanket to get the toy.

I turned around to this. Sometimes Sweety scares me.

16 Comments | In: canines, randomness | | #