I had a fantastic time visiting family in Arizona! I saw my Mom’s sister (who I hadn’t seen since I was 2), her daughter and grandson (all of them are visiting from Korea) and met my Mom’s nephew’s family. His wife was an absolute sweetheart and their son was adorable.

We did a little bit of sightseeing and went to the zoo but for the most part, we stuck around the house and ate Korean food while talking. It was awesome. It was so awesome that I cried the whole way home because I hated to leave and return to regular life.

My plane landed in Orlando about 20 minutes early and I took that time to cry in the bathroom in the hopes that I could turn off the waterworks before Sweety picked me up. Sweety later told me that when he saw my crying ass sitting outside the airport that his first thought was that I looked homeless and miserable and maybe he should just leave me there. Yeah, that would have been great!

Before I left, Sweety asked me to put together a schedule for when the boys would be here and at the coaew’s this summer so he could give it to her and once she saw it they would both be looking at the same thing if she wanted to change anything about it. It’s nothing set in stone – just an idea. Well, her panties got in a wad after she saw it. It was done on the computer so I guess she assumed it was me that typed it all up and that pissed her off. She called Sweety ranting and raving about how the boys are her and his kids and I shouldn’t have any input in their lives. (hmm, I wonder if it’s ever occurred to her that I’ve lived with them quite a bit more than she has the past 9 years? and would it have been better if Sweety would have written all of it out by hand?)

So, they’re not MY kids but the motherfucking cunt wants me to change MY fucking vacation to suit her. How about a big glass of “go fuck yourself with a smoldering garden spade”? We’ve taken our family vacation the same time of year for the past 4 or 5 years to suit her. We used to go on vacation in June but that interfered with one of her crotchlings birthdays and the party she likes to have so we moved our vacation into July, the same time in July, a few years ago.

She’s all pissed off that our vacation time is overlapping with the time her husband has taken off for vacation and she wants to take the boys camping. I’m planning on leaving to head to Oklahoma on Tuesday night after I get off work but she wants me to wait til Wednesday.

I’m thinking of being a bitch and not waiting. Dammit, I’ve planned on leaving on Tuesday evening. *I* don’t have any kids so what makes her think she can tell me when to go on vacation to accommodate *her* kids?

Yeah, fuck it. I’m leaving on Tuesday night like I’ve planned and everyone can suck it and deal.

I really hope a bear eats her ass when they go camping. I hope it fucking rains every day they’re camping and mosquitoes descend like a plague of locusts. A crazy ax murderer that likes women that look like Walter Matthau would be nice too.

I’m afraid that I’m going to get to the end of this journey of raising the boys and just be like “wow, that’s it.” I need a family of my own. I need kids that will call me “mom” and give me hugs. Kids that I can raise how I want to. Kids that I don’t have to walk around on eggshells with because they aren’t *my* kids and OMG what if I do something to upset them and it gets back to the coaew?

25 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, vacation | | #

You know what I think is neat? The coaew talks about not having money and it’s hard for her to do things with the boys because of that but guess what I spied on her hobbit foot today?

A new tattoo. (By new, it wasn’t there the last time I looked at her a few months ago.)

A Jesus fish. Because nothing says “I’m a Christian!” like drawing a fish on your foot. I think if she was really dedicated, she’d slam some nails through her hands and feet. I volunteer to do the nailing.

Sweety says that I said, “Oh my god. She’s got a Jesus fish on her foot.” loudly enough that she heard. WTFE. It’s not that I have a problem with tattoos (Hi! I’m marked up!) or Jesus fish. Whatever she would have stamped onto her foot would have drawn the same reaction from me.

Don’t say you don’t have gas money to get your kids and then do frivolous shit.

She called Sweety this morning to try and project some guilt onto him.

This weekend (the boys are at her house on the weekends) BB overheard his stepdad saying that his exwife wanted them to come to her house for a party. After hearing this, BB pulled coaew aside and told her that he’d rather not go. That functions are awkward because he doesn’t know where to sit or what to do.

So coaew tells Sweety that she thinks BB is talking about his and LB’s baseball games and school functions. Because we don’t all sit together at the baseball field or at school things (Not usually anyway. Today I saved that twat and her spawn seats at LB’s class awards ceremony. This was before I knew about this conversation or I probably wouldn’t have bothered.) and that it makes BB uncomfortable.

Um, no. I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure that he was referring to the situation at your house that had just been mentioned! School functions? The boys sit with whatever parent they came with. Baseball games? The boys don’t sit with any adults. They wander around (under my eagle eye) and network with their friends. Yeah, coaew, I’m pretty sure that he was talking about the party that he’d just told you he didn’t want to go to.

If she was in the hospital – I’d step on her ventilator hose.

20 Comments | In: coaew | | #

It’s nice that I don’t have to deal with the coaew on any sort of personal level. I know some stepmothers have to actually speak to their husband’s exs and I am so glad that I do not. It’s nice that Sweety has always handled everything with her. I’ve never dialed her phone number and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have mine. I had to speak to the heifer (See how I called her “heifer” instead of “flaming twatwad” as was my first instinct? I’m trying to be kinder.) for about 30 seconds this weekend in passing (she butted into a conversation I was having with LB) and my head almost exploded. There’s no way I could have a productive conversation with her without needing to take a nap afterwards. And luckily – I don’t have to.

My job makes me want to poke bamboo shoots under my fingernails but at least I have a job. I get plenty of paid time off and health insurance. The insurance is the main thing that keeps me there. If Sweety were to carry the boys and I on his insurance plan, it would cost 3 or 4 times as much as what we pay now under my plan. I work inside. I can surf the internet at work to read the news and whatnot. I know what the fuck I’m doing so I’m left mostly alone. That is a good thing.

Living in Florida. Well, I hate the weather but we are close to all sorts of fun things. It’s been neat to take the kids to theme parks and different places. When my sister and her family were down last week, I let LB miss a day of school and we went to Kennedy Space Center. He’d never been before and he’s pulling all As in school so I didn’t think it would kill him to miss a day. BB is not doing as well with this grades so he didn’t get to go. (And he’d been to the place before on a school field trip.) He was bummed about it but he understood why he didn’t get to miss school.

Now that I have a GPS, I can always find my way home if I get turned around in this stinking town. That is nice. I do not like being lost. Um, sometimes though? I forget that I have a GPS and drive around aimlessly, looking for something familiar. I think my brain cells are dying quicker than they should.

This concludes my personal pep talk.

16 Comments | In: coaew, cube farm, excuse me while i scream, i couldn't find my way out of a paper bag | | #

I’m not a very spontaneous person. Once in a blue moon, I’ll get a wild hair and do something on the spur of the moment – but not usually. I like to know what’s going on well in advance.

Last night I call Sweety on my break at work. And he tells me that I will be picking the boys up from baseball practice tonight after I get off today. Okay. Fine. I’d planned on maybe going to do something (but, uh, since I was going alone it’s not like I had to cancel with anyone or anything.) but this is okay. I’ll get the boys and then we’ll go to a movie or something. It’ll be fun. I miss having them here on the weekends because we never do anything “fun” anymore. It’s just school and work Monday through Friday.

I tell Sweety to tell the boys to take a change of clean clothes to change into after practice and he does.

This morning, after he’d dropped the boys off and they’d been told that I was picking them up, the coaew calls to let him know that she will be picking them up so as to not inconvenience me. Since BB doesn’t have practice on Saturday (she’d originally thought he had practice Saturday morning) she will pick them up to not trouble me.

Um, no. She’s not doing it to save me any trouble. It was perfectly motherfucking fine to inconvenience me when she thought she was going to have to pick them up at 9 p.m. and then get back up to bring them to practice at 10 a.m. the next morning. It was easier for her I picked them up and then we took them to practice the next morning. Don’t try and fucking say that you’re concerned about bothering me.

If she wasn’t able to pick them up when she thought there was a practice the next morning, what makes it any different if there is no practice the next morning? Nothing except now she doesn’t have to get up early and tote them over to our town so it’s okay to get them the night before. In actuality – it was easier for her to pick them up tonight than to drive out here early tomorrow morning like she had said she would. Fried cunt.

Sweety didn’t understand why I got so pissed off at the change in plans. Don’t tell me that I’m doing something and then 12 hours later tell me “nevermind, coaew said she’d pick them up so you wouldn’t have to.” My point is that she was completely okay with me going out of my way if it made things easy for her but now that it wouldn’t make things easier for her she wasn’t. Don’t bullshit me and say she gives a rat’s left nut as to my plans.

I told Sweety that I’m not an on-call taxi service and to not volunteer me for fetching anymore if it’s her day. I told him I’m perfectly happy to take them to practice when they’re here but I’m not going to do her a favor and “swing by” and get them on my way home from work on Friday night.

A couple of weeks ago, BB missed something baseball related because they were doing volunteer work somewhere to get a Disney ticket in exchange for volunteering. coaew called Sweety and told him, “I deserve to take them to Disney World before they’re eighteen!” (Hey! You also deserve to pay for some fucking school lunches, medical appointments, braces, shoes and how about the occasional field trip! Wanna do that? No, I didn’t think so.) What. The. Fuck? This just shows how much she does not know her kids. Those boys have no desire to go to Disney. We’ve asked them. They want to go to Universal or somewhere for the thrill rides. Not to Disney.

I’d like to kick her in the coochie until my foot breaks. Seriously, if I could have that opportunity I’d totally sacrifice a foot.

10 Comments | In: coaew | | #

For the first year since they’ve been divorced – the boys won’t wake up at our house on Christmas morning. The coaew decided this because they have siblings over there (and we don’t have any here) that it’s not fair for Santa to visit them (the other siblings that believe in Santa) on Christmas Eve morning as he has in the past.

To put it mildly. I am fucking pissed. Kind of makes me wished I’d jumped on the baby bandwagon so our family would be “equal” to hers.

Sweety had called her to work out what time he’d get them Christmas Eve night or if she was bringing them over when she made the announcement. He tried to talk to her but ended up getting pissed off, telling her “whatever” and hanging up while she was still yammering away.

When he first told me I just started to cry. She gets them on Thanksgiving and we do on Christmas. This is just how it’s been. She hadn’t told the boys about it because BB asked me today where they’ll be Christmas Eve (for some reason, he asks me this every. single. year. and I always tell him, “Here!” and he says, “Just checking.”.) and when I said, “Your mother’s house.” he gave me a sideways look. So I elaborated with, “She’s bringing you here Christmas morning or day or whenever it is she feels like it. Wasn’t my idea and I’m not a fan.” And he said, “Okay.” and shuffled on out of the room.

This is the only time I’ve ever said anything in front of him that would be taken negatively about his mother but I just couldn’t hold my tongue. Sue me.

Anyhoo. In INSANELY HAPPY NEWS!

Bekah (don’t let the sign-in scare you! sign-in and check out her adorable photos.) and her daughter Sam (aka The Artist) are coming to see me! The weekend before Christmas! I won two parkhopper tickets to visit The Mouse and Sweety was going to go with me but he can’t because of bowling obligations. I won them back in the summer and we’ve been meaning to go and just keep putting it off and the tickets expire at the end of this year. So Bekah and Sam are coming and Sweety is being an awesome guy and buying us two more passes so we can go two days! Yay! Sam isn’t three yet so she’s freeeeeeee! I like me some free.

Tiny Sammy hugs!

Very excited. I am very excited!

And!

My Mom, sister and fantastic niece are arriving on Christmas Eve! They will be staying until January first or second! I can’t wait to see my niece and tell her bedtime stories and hug on her! I love my niece more than I like to breathe. She is an awesomely odd human being.

See this? This is one of Bekah’s hedgehogs all decked out for Christmas.

Now, it is nice and festive but do you know what I think when I look at it?

Hedgehog coochie!!!

I’d like to gently poke it with a pencil eraser.

16 Comments | In: coaew, my brain needs bleach, woot! | | #

coaew called Sweety last weekend wanting to know how much he’s sell the boys televisions for (they’re not true televisions. They’re computer monitors but when we had cable they could watch t.v. on them. We have satellite now so they can’t use them.) because she’s buying a new computer tower and wanted one to use as a monitor.

He told her to ask the boys how much they wanted for them. He paid around $110 each for them 3 or 4 years ago and they’re pretty outdated. She called him back and said she was giving the boys $70 EACH for them. He laughed (a strangled laugh of disbelief. not an evil chuckle. he’s nicer than me.) and said we had planned of just putting them by the curb to let anyone pick up and she said she’d already told the boys she’d pay them.

Well, I say fuck that. I dropped those fucking monitors at least a dozen times on the garage floor last night when I saw that they were by the front door waiting for her to pick them up today. I hope she plugs those bitches in and they catch on fire.

And if they do work and the boys get paid? I am damn sure making them kick in on their Dad’s Christmas present this year.

I wouldn’t be so annoyed if she hadn’t called him last week with all kinds of stupid-assed questions. She wanted to know what all she’d need to hook up wireless internet service to a PlayStation3 if she got the boys one for Christmas. (she started the conversation with, “Hey, I got an unexpected check…” hey! maybe she could use some of that cash to buy some supplies for all of the motherfucking school projects I have to help with.) He actually told her that she needed to talk to her husband and hung up on her.

12 Comments | In: coaew, secret shame | | #