I’m implementing something new. I’m not bending over backwards to make it to the boys’ baseball games or jump to get them whatever the latest gadget is that they’re wanting. They want something or they want to go on an outing – I’m referring them to Sweety. I make them mind and do chores but they know that if they really want something that I’m the person to ask about it. I admit that I’ve been the “fun” parent because I want them to like me.

They are never going to love me like they do their parents and it’s making me tired to try and be a supermom when I’m not super or a mom. I’ve spent 8 years going out of my way to be at every game and chaperon every field trip that they needed me on.

I have discovered something more embarrassing than telling a man that you love him and he says nothing – saying it to your stepsons and they say nothing. I know they can squeak it out. I hear them tell their parents all of the time. I used to tell them that I loved them when I tucked them in at night and they never said it back so I quit saying it. A few weeks ago, I thought that was no reason to not tell them since I do. But since it’s just followed with awkward silence – I give up. I know the boys love me but it’s frustrating that I put forth as much effort in all around raising them as their mother or Sweety and I’m not the same.

Last Saturday, for the first time ever – I didn’t go to a baseball game when I would have been able to. I had company and I just really wasn’t relishing the idea of sitting at the game for 3 hours with the coaew a stone’s throw away. And the world didn’t end. The boys didn’t even wonder where I was.

This weekend’s game is going to be a dramafest. They play about an hour away and they have a wedding to be in on their stepfather’s side of the family that evening. After the game, Sweety has to meet the coaew somewhere with the boys. I know what the day will be like.

They’ll get beat in the baseball game. Sweety will be annoyed. The boys will be pissy. The coaew will be calling or texting constantly trying to find out where they are. I will be pissed off that we’re having to take them to meet her because she didn’t come to the game. It’s her time with them. Yes, she has a wedding that night but if they have time to go to the game then why the fuck can’t she take them?

So I told Sweety I didn’t want to go. I have absolutely no desire to even be around the aggravation that will ensue if the game runs into overtime or Sweety can’t meet her at the appointed time. Or if he shows up at the meeting place and she isn’t there yet.

He said that he’d like for me to go but understands why I don’t want to. And guess what? I’m not having any anxiety about this Saturday since I’m avoiding it. If I was going, I’d spend all week dreading it.

I also told Sweety that I probably won’t be going to their games if he isn’t there. I’m uncomfortable being around the coaew and even more so if Sweety isn’t around to talk to.

That flaming twatwad called him this weekend to ask what size pants did BB wear because she needed to buy him dress pants for the wedding. It wouldn’t have been so bad but BB was at her house. On the couch. Watching t.v. He didn’t want to miss the football game on t.v. to go shopping so she was calling for his pants size. WTF? How hard is it to either A) Tell him to get his ass up because he as to go or B) See what size pants are on his ass? Gah. Sweety let the call go to voicemail and didn’t bother calling back.

Basically, I’ve decided if something extracurricular is going to stress me the hell out or make me want to cry then I’m not doing it.

23 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, husband, sprogs | | #

Last summer the laptop we had was in an accident. When we got it back it worked and I was very happy. It worked properly for maybe two weeks.

For the past year it’s been a pain in the ass. Sometimes it wouldn’t start or would be so slow that it wasn’t worth fooling with.

A few weeks ago, the laptop had another accident with a piece of heavy equipment. (That laptop is one klutzy bitch.) A big enough accident that the hard drive was crushed into pieces and instead of putting the hard drive in a new laptop case – a refurbished laptop was sent as a replacement.

In an act of true karma – the new laptop won’t go online with it’s internal wireless thingymabob. I can plug a wireless usb device in and it’ll go online but I shouldn’t have to do that. I’ve already called tech support and it sounds like I’m going to have to call somewhere else and probably send it in to be fixed. I won’t be able to call them until I’m off again next Wednesday because they work regular hours and will be closed when I get off of work.

I’m not gonna bitch too much. At the most, I’ll just end up getting a wireless usb thing for it if they can’t fix it.

The neighbor’s cat is going to get a cleansing with some waterless shampoo. It’s foam that you rub in and then towel off. I’m really afraid he’d have a heart attack if I got him wet and I do not want to deal with that. They are going on vacation for a week so I’ll take that opportunity to clean him up. If Sweety would allow it, I’d tell them that he died and we buried him while letting him live out his life in our garage.

So the boys have been here for almost 2 weeks because the coaew had a weekend getaway this past weekend. The plan was that they were going to be here til Friday and then she’d pick them up from school on Friday and have them over the weekend.

The boys had a baseball game tonight. She came and told Sweety that she was going to pick them up from school tomorrow because she “deeply missed the boys” and will wake them at the fucking asscrack of dawn on Friday to take them to school. Because she misses them. The whole point of this exercise of them being here during the school week was so they wouldn’t have to get up super freaking early to get to school. She left the game after maybe 1.5 innings. If she missed them so fucking much you’d think she’d stay longer.

I have an internal bet with myself over whether or not she’ll drop LB off here after taking BB to school on Friday morning so we can take him in an hour and a half later. You know what? She has my permission to park her damned car in the driveway and sleep while he does for that hour and a half and then SHE can take him to school. I have to admit that Sweety knows that the fact that she drops him off on Monday mornings (Why can’t she take him to eat breakfast? Spend time with him? Probably cuts into her gym time. I’m not bitter.) chaps my ass so he comes home from work to take LB to school. I’ve adjusted to taking him being here on Mondays and have taken him to school if Sweety isn’t able to because that is the schedule. If she just assumes that it’s okay to do it this Friday I will probably set her on fire.

Actually, it just occurred to me that I could really fuck up someone’s day by scattering roofing nails in my driveway.

People, I have got to find a happy medium with this cunt. As it is, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve spoken to her and honestly? I’m okay with that. But today she walked behind me with her crew of crumb-crunchers and one of them was saying my name to try and get my attention and I ignored him because I didn’t want to turn the fuck around and have to say hi to her too. Because just seeing her makes me get hot and mad. I feel like I had a good 7 years of her being a complete douche to me while I said not one bad word to her so I’m entitled to at least 7 years of her staying the hell out of my way.

Sweety told me that I was being kind of harsh to take my annoyance out on the kid. I say I didn’t really take anything out on him – perhaps my ears just don’t pick up the frequency of small children shrilly saying my name. Either I’m going to have to start talking to this bitch and her crew or else move my chair to the far side of the field so there’s no chance of them getting close to me.

I’ll probably move.

7 Comments | In: coaew, daily blah, grouching | | #

Not much is going on around here. The schedule of having the boys here during the school week and at the coaew’s on the weekends seems to be working out pretty well. It’s weird to not have them here every other weekend but it’s better for them this way. They will be here next weekend because she’s going away “to celebrate an important occasion”. I believe it’s her anniversary. I’m glad.

I want them here for two weeks at a time and then at her house every other weekend. I’m greedy and selfish and I miss them on the weekends. It kind of sucks to only see them during the week while we are all busy with work and school. I like doing fun things with them too. We’re not even a month into this schedule and she needs a weekend away. Good. It will prove that she can go two weeks without seeing them when it suits her.

I’m a bitch and have no care for the feelings of their biological mother. So fry me.

BB has a weight lifting class this year and I know he’s fixing to get huge. Like, Jolly Green Giant huge. He’s already a bit over 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds and he sleeps a lot now. I swear, I can hear him growing. The boys just started the fall baseball season and are able to be on the same team with the way their ages fall. This happens every 3 years or so. It makes it so much easier when there’s just one practice or game to go to. I’m glad that they aren’t always on the same team because they are so competitive when they are that it’s crazy around here for a couple of months. They were comparing things that they had done years ago on the drive to ball practice the other day and BB said to me, “Don’t you love sibling rivalry?” and LB remarked that being on the same team really brought it out in them. At least they notice.

The cough that I spoke of a couple of posts ago is going strong. I’m going to the doctor this week to knock whatever shit is in my head out. I’ve taken to sleeping on the couch in the area of the house that’s the farthest away from the bedrooms so the boys and Sweety aren’t disturbed with my all night coughfest. Tiny Dog doesn’t even want to sleep with my sick ass. But it’s okay, I outweigh her and am able to put her in a headlock and force my love on her.

My Mom is on Facebook. That is so weird to me. She left me a message. Hi Anna I read your facebook.Love Mama I think it’s cute. I just taught her how to save phone numbers on her cell phone this summer and here she is mastering the internet. Now, Facebook is the sanitized version of me. I was on the phone with her over an hour yesterday. I think I’m a little homesick. We start doing our vacation bids for next year tomorrow at work and I’ll start daydreaming about my next vacation home. And yes, yes…I like my life here. But it’s always nice to go back to where I came from.

*For crying out loud, man! Breathe!

21 Comments | In: coaew, daily blah | | #

There’s a little update at the end of the last post. I didn’t put it up here because I don’t want to look at it. I’m going to try and start leaving work at work. I’m thinking of wiping myself down with baby wipes in the bathroom there before I leave to symbolically wash the shit off.

Do you listen to books on tape or audiobooks? I have become addicted to Scott Sigler. I used to worship at The Altar Of Stephen King but no more. Seriously, click on over there and download one of the free audiobooks. Ancestor and The Rookie are my favorites so far. He’s doing a tour to pimp out The Rookie and I am so there. Sure, I preordered my book long ago and requested that he sign it but won’t it be so much cooler to have him sign it again in person? Or is it just stalkercrazy? Sweety says stalkercrazy with a dash of aren’t you a fucking nerd? I don’t give a rat’s left nut. I’m going and if nobody can go with me I’ll go alone and sit against the wall like a weirdo.

School started Monday and it looks like we’re doing things a little differently this year. Instead of the boys being here half the week and then at the coaew’s, they’re going to be here Monday through Friday. She will pick them up from school on Friday and take them to school Monday morning. So we won’t have them every other weekend. Sweety brought the idea up to her because if we kept the schedule as it is, LB would be getting up at 5:30 or so but doesn’t have to be at school til 8:30. He’d have to get up so early because BB’s school starts at 7:20 and their mom lives about 45 minutes away. Of course, the conversation he had with her wasn’t drama-free but at least she sees it’s better for the boys.

Anyhoo. It has been settled. Unless she changes her mind. But I don’t think she will.

* The title has nothing to do with any of this but that song has been in my head for a week now. I may have to sing it to you like the last one. Sweety has even been singing the ant song with me and LB chimes in when he hears me muttering it to myself. Insanity: It’s a family affair!

12 Comments | In: coaew, randomness, sprogs, woot! | | #