Ah, everybody’s asleep.
The boys were here tonight instead of at their mother’s because high school orientation was tonight for BB and the coaew couldn’t go. So they stayed here tonight and Sweety took him. They met me at Red Lobster for dinner after I got off of work and the boys came home with me while Sweety went back to work.
Do you know who Jeff Dunham is? He’s one of BB’s favorite comedians and we stayed up late watching him on t.v. His show isn’t exactly child friendly but whenever he got too out there, I shrieked at the top of my lungs sang ‘lalalalalala!’ while BB fast forwarded through that part and LB wondered what was going on. Honestly? I don’t care if the kid hears a joke about certain things, I just don’t want to be in the room hearing it too.
The show was over at 11 and I tucked them on in and am enjoying the sounds of nothingness. LB likes me to “tuck him in like a carrot” by tucking the blanket really tightly around him. I do some sort of weird chant, “tucking you in like a carrot! carrot! like a carrot!” while doing it. Very soothing, to be sure.
Oh! Let me tell you about another weird conversation Sweety had with me while he was asleep last night.
Rabbits are sneaky. I don’t like rabbits. I can tell when they are going to do something evil.
Really? How?
Their ears lay back flat against their heads and they get a mean look in their eye.
Wow! What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen a rabbit do?
Fucked a dog.
What? Fucked a dog? Are you serious?
Yes! I saw it on the internet on a porn site. At first, you see this big dog sniffing the rabbit and in the next frame – THE RABBIT HAS MOUNTED THE DOG!!!
Oh, wow. Are you serious?
Yeah! The rabbit was mean. He had a cigar in one hand a beer in the other and he was tearing that dog up!
I don’t know what worries me more. The idea that Sweety really saw something like this online (what the hell was he looking for to stumble on this? Maybe there is a reason that Stinky Dog covers her ass when he’s around?) or the idea that he just pulled the whole thing out of his brain.
After this bit of conversation, he started talking about how he just didn’t understand knitting. I decided to mess with him and every time he started to say something, I’d interrupt him by screaming, “What’s your problem? Why don’t you like knitted blankets?” or “I really don’t understand why you don’t like yarn!” After 5 or 6 interruptions he got really quiet and said, “You know what your problem is? You just need to slow down.” and he sounded really sad.
I felt bad then and stuck my earplugs in so I couldn’t hear him babbling while I went to sleep.
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