Since I failed a glucose test on Monday because my blood sugar level was so high – I got to take another one yesterday. Instead of having one blood draw like Monday’s, this one had four. Do you know what happens if you’ve been fasting and aren’t allowed to drink any water? You start to shrivel up like a raisin and your veins become hard to find. My arm still hurts today.

On Wednesday I went to have a weird looking mole checked. The doctor agreed that it was weird looking and asked if I wanted it off now or after the baby was born. I asked if I could have anesthesia if it came off now and he said I could but it was injected not something that was rubbed on. Or I could just have them slice it off without anesthesia.

So, how long will it take you to whack it off.

Not long. Maybe a minute.

Thinking to myself….A minute? I’m probably going to live at least another 45 years…what’s a minute in the scheme of 45 years? That’s nothing! I can do this!
Okay! Let’s take it off now!

The doctor took a needle full of saline and injected it under the mole to make it raise off of my belly (and that part hurt like hell, thank you very much) and then proceeded to slice it off. Holy shit, batman. It was like fire. I was telling myself to be calm so the Bean wouldn’t think we were being tortured or something. It’s hard to keep your heart from racing when something is cutting on you. I am glad it is gone.

The boys were with me and when I came out of the office, they remarked that I looked a little pale. I had to wait for the shaking to stop before I could drive us away. I can handle pain in a dignified manner but I sure don’t like it.

Our house is still a giant mess. We’re walking around on concrete with furniture crammed into odd places while we wait for the insurance check from the water damage to arrive. Sweety has everything prepped to start replacing things once we have the money for it. I look around at the disarray and want to pull my hair out. It’s no secret that I’m not the most organized person but it appears that I do have limits to the clutter that I can stand.

Here’s what we’ve been doing for fun while watching television….

Tiny Dog really loves to hump the living shit out of Oliver but he’s not really a fan. She can usually only get a couple of good thrusts in before he dismounts her. We’ve discovered that Oliver is a big enough slut for our attention though that he’ll let her ride away as long as we’re petting him. I find it hilarious and they both get something they want. It’s a win-win situation!

The hole in the carpet? That’s where Sweety upchucked during the great pukefest of 2011 and I made him cut the carpet out. That vomit actually soaked through the carpet and into the concrete. That’s the disgusting discolored patch up top. I’m going to clean it with a blowtorch before we put down new carpet.

12 Comments | In: bwahahahahaha!, canines, daily blah, gestating | | #

My breaks were moved around at work yesterday, so I went four hours from first break to lunch and lunch was 7 hours into my 10 hour shift instead of the usual 5.5. I was hungry and a sinus headache was residing in my head and there were two more hours to go until I could safely leave my desk. I had a couple of packets of Alka-Seltzer in my desk but no water for them. I remembered a scene from a movie I saw last weekend where an animated character ate one without water or any fanfare.

Hey! I can do that!

I decided that breaking the tablets into quarters and putting one quarter at a time in my left cheek squirrel-style would be the way to proceed. It was okay until my phone rang and I started talking. The sudden flow of saliva caused the Alka-Seltzer to quickly foam up and run down the left side of my face. It’s hard to deliver excellent customer service while shielding your new rabid look from coworkers while trying to not foam into your microphone because you damn sure don’t want the customer to ask, “What’s that fizzing sound?”

Lesson learned: Don’t do shit you see in the movies. Especially a cartoon.

BB had two baseball games about an hour away today. Last week, a couple of his teammates parents asked Sweety if he could bring their kids home from the game because they couldn’t stay for both. Sweety said sure and had to make a special trip to the school to fill out some paperwork since he’d be transporting students from a school event.

Sweety and I both have little cars. Honda Civics. We decided instead of cramming 600 pounds of sweaty teenage boy into the backseat of one of our cars for the ride home that we’d each take a car. Sweety and the boys in one (since they had to be there extra early to warm-up) and I’d follow along in Penelope.

We watch the games and after they were over we decided that I would go ahead to the restaurant we were eating at to get a table. Sweety calls me on my way there and tells me that it’ll just be us and BB – the kids we were supposed to bring had made other arrangements or their parents stayed or whatever – one of the parents told Sweety after the game that he was “off the hook” and didn’t have to take the boys home. Sweety said he just bit back telling her that it would have been nice to know that before the game so his family wouldn’t have driven two cars an hour away. I told him from now on to politely decline any inquiries of being a taxi.

Sweety met the coaew somewhere to drop off BB and then met me at home where we promptly fell asleep across the bed. Well, I slept and Sweety watched the television and snoozed. The dogs were docile beside the bed. I woke up full of beans and kicked took the dogs out to do their business.

I heard Oliver barking ferociously and wondered what the hell was going on. Yes, when I let the dogs out I sometimes don’t even look outside but just open the door while they scoot out to be devoured by chupacabra.

This was what I saw.

Here. Let me tweak that for you.

I leave the porch door open and the bird had wandered in for a snooze. I was really glad that Oliver hadn’t noticed it until he was on the other side of the porch and the screen was between him and the bird because I’m pretty sure he’d have reduced it to a mess of feathers.

Sweety keeps some plants on the porch and the bird tried to land on one but it the plant stalk didn’t support its weight. The bird bounced off the table and onto the floor but recovered and took flight before Oliver reached it. Luckily, it made it off the porch without flying into something and breaking its neck.

While the melee was going on, Tiny Dog was daintily waiting to be let back into the house. She doesn’t give a damn about birds or anything outside. I think it tired her to watch the excitement because she went back to sleep and hasn’t twitched since. She’s a great lap warmer.

5 Comments | In: canines, cube farm, daily blah | | #

This has been one lazy week.

I was supposed to work last Saturday but only lasted a couple of hours in the hellhole before coming home. I don’t like my job but I’ll do it. I get extremely annoyed though when the very basic tools for my job aren’t available. And sick *cough*cough*….Sweety came home to find me and Tiny Dog under the covers. He peeled the blanket off of my face and asked what I was doing home. When I told him “hiding from work” he tucked me back in and went away.

Saturday night we went to a local restaurant/bar. I was meeting a couple of girlfriends from work and Sweety wasn’t going to come but I talked him into it after I got there. They place had a sign up saying they were going to charge $5 after 9 o’clock to watch the UFC fight. (I hadn’t even realized there was a fight that night.) I thought this meant if you got there before then that you wouldn’t have to pay and sent Sweety a text to come up. The bartender tried to collect $5 from us after we’d been sitting there eating and drinking for 2 or 3 hours and that really ticked me off. Sweety spoke to the manager and the people in our group didn’t have to pay. Note to self: go somewhere else for the next UFC fight.

Have I mentioned my love for UFC fighting? For the longest time it was my little secret. Sweety would be away bowling on Friday nights and I’d come home from work and watch a fight channel for hours. He got home one night early and surprised me. He had a genuine look of shock on his face when he saw what I was watching. I like to watch men beat the hell out of each other.

I have a bad habit of staying awake at night until the wee hours of the morning. I watch the television while playing games on my phone. If I try to sleep I twitch around in the dark. But I have discovered a magical cocktail! If you take two generic sleeping pills and two melatonin as soon as you get home? The Sandman bashes you in the head right about the time you get done with showering and brushing your teeth. As an added bonus – when your asshole weenie dog and his yapping little chihuahua friend start losing their minds at 2 a.m.? You will either sleep right through it or wake up long enough to let them out and then fall right back asleep.

Waking up this morning was a complete repeat of last Thursday. Realized the house was STILL clean (holy shit, a week! I’ve kept up with things for a week!), fed the Oliver and tucked Tiny Dog back in bed with me. I did wake up long enough to have a sandwich. Then I went back to bed while things digested.

The sandwich?

On Sunday we went to a friend’s house for the SuperBowl and I came home with a bowl of her spinach dip. I love me some spinach dip. This morning’s sandwich was spinach dip on good bread.

I’m going to have another now.

14 Comments | In: canines, cube farm, daily blah | | #

We are having the quietest Christmas we’ve had in awhile.

I managed to get the tiny bit of Christmas shopping that I was going to do done in plenty of time. Thanks to Amazon.com and eBay I got Sweety’s presents at a great price! The boys got their Christmas present (a new game system) when it was their birthdays in November and I took care of my nieces, nephews, and girls next door early in the month.

This is the first year that I didn’t get anything for any of my grown-up friends and I feel really guilty about it but I’m also pretty relieved to not have a huge worry of debt over my head.

I quit eating birth control pills a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of sprogging and I think I’m going crazy without my regulated stream of hormones. My face is breaking out, I cry at the drop of a hat (or the grouch of a hateful customer) and I’m tamping down feeling bitchy as all get out. I can totally see why Sweety would want to tap this. Ha.

How do I know I’m serious about a baby? (besides kicking the birth control pill habit) I actually downloaded an app for my phone to help me keep track of my period and when we have sex. I thought about writing it down on a paper calendar but didn’t want it staring at all of us from the kitchen wall.

If I don’t see you again – you all have fun wrapping up December.

This? My favorite holiday song. It doesn’t hurt that I find Robert Earl Keen rather delicious.

16 Comments | In: daily blah, excuse me while i scream, my filter is broken | | #