We’ve just about polished off the last of the Thanksgiving turkey and I am glad. I find leftover turkey to be disgusting so I’ve been disguising it in sandwiches with a very spicy dressing. The main reason I gorge on turkey on the big day is because I know the smell of it coming out of the icebox later will make me gag.

The boys went to the coaew’s on Thanksgiving morning (Because she has the golden vagina and deserves to be surrounded by her children when she feels like it AND they will be there after we get them there on Christmas morning. Argh.) and I was a little bent out of shape about it. I’m a little bent out of shape about the boys’ holiday schedule but am carefully tamping it down. (Xanax! It’s not just for work anymore!) What did I stuff the boys full of for breakfast before we took them to her house? A full Thanksgiving dinner made from leftovers of the night before. Heh.

Realized this was my ninth Thanksgiving in Florida. I only have to do four more of these things before the boys are old enough that we can move away. Not that I’m counting. Ahem.

On another note…

Have you ever been eating while sitting on the couch and seen a good-sized crumb of food by your plate and popped it into your mouth only to realize it wasn’t what you were eating and that you don’t know what it was?

Me neither.

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I was crowned at work last week, thanks to my coworkers voting that I was a most helpful person to them. Yes, I wore the crown around after everyone kept asking me why I wasn’t. Normally my topknot isn’t so high on my head but I had to adjust it for the crown.

On Saturday I got up and actually fixed my hair, put on makeup and wore dangly earrings. I’d decided I was going to start grooming on the weekends. At least on Saturday. I also wore some not so comfy but cute sneakers.

Sweety surprised me by driving to Disney’s Animal Kingdom after we ate lunch and we got annual passes. I’ve been wanting passes there forever but until this year, you had to pay for them upfront. They just started a program where you can bill it out over a year without interest. This is what happens when I run around Florida with my hair down and jeans on. I thought I was going to sweat to death. I kept telling myself that I was really clearing my pores out. What you can’t see are my tormented feet. The shoes resulted in the backs of my feet looking like hamburger. I kept telling myself that it hurt too far from my head to kill me.

After leaving there we went to the Magic Kingdom.

When I moved here, I didn’t want to like Disney. But I do. I love the Magic Kingdom. I can sit and watch parades and fireworks until someone nudges me out of my excited stupor. The princesses? Love them. Seeing all the characters walking around? Love them. The fireworks show? OMGWTFBBQSquee! I need someone willing to loan me their child younger than three (so I don’t have to buy a ticket for them) so I’ll have a beard when I go there.

Next Saturday, we are going to the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot. I’ve never been to Epcot unless it was on a field trip and I was herding 6 to 10 kids. I think it’ll be fun to go with Sweety. And I have a gift card that I’ve been hoarding that can be used to buy food and wine! Muahahahahaha!

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Starting today I am going to be in a better mood. I have nothing to complain about. I have a great life. I know I’ve been really dragging Sweety down the past week or so. As I told him last night, I’m not sad for me, I’m sad in general and I’m going to stop. So, there.

Last night I found my new drink. Woodchuck Draft Cider, the Granny Smith kind. I’m not a big beer drinker because I’m not a fan of the flavor. Usually, I slam shots until the bottle is empty. But this stuff? It’s good! Not carbonated! I’ve never had cider before. I had all 6 last night and got to feeling pretty good but not so good that I felt like shit this morning. I was even able to tidy the house last night before going to bed so we didn’t wake up to the place looking like it had been used for a frat party and I didn’t have any strange markings or bruises on my body when checking today.

The photo was, of course, taken by the fantabulous Bekah. Back in the spring. The same week that BP fucked up the ocean.

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It’s been a nice and quiet one.

Guess what I ate for the first time today?

An omelette. A three egg omelette. I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned my intense disgust for eggs. ) As a kid, I would sit at the table for hours and stare at my eggs until my dad took his afternoon nap and my mom threw them away for me.) And it had tomatoes! (Gah, tomatoes! Le vomit!) Two food items that I despise but they worked okay together.

I was shocked.

I ate this because I’m doing the Atkins diet (down 26 pounds since March 1!) and I decided that I need to make peace with eggs. I don’t think I’ll ever fry up any of those bitches for breakfast but they’re okay if they’re holding meat and cheese together.

In a very surprising act, Sweety toted me to the mall in the big city. He’d seen me looking at Sephora online and heard me bitching about paying for shipping. (He didn’t believe me at first when I told him about primer that goes on your eyes before you put makeup on. I’m an oily human.) So we went there and I had a professional hook me up with some new stuff to hide undereye circles. The bane of my face’s existence. I’m going to have to start getting up earlier to spackle my face but I will do it.

A couple of weeks ago I went to my next door neighbor’s house (she’s 16) for an eyeshadow lesson. I have been wearing the shit out of some eyeshadow. I don’t care if I look like a peacock. I like it.

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