I had to get LB out of school early today and it was a clusterfuck. What should have been a swoop and grab turned into a 20 minute ordeal because the school had their information all goofed up. At the beginning of every year we fill out a sheet with Sweety’s name, coaew’s name and my name and info on it as people that can pick up the boys. They had her name only but all of my info. I finally told the lady if she’d call the number listed as a contact in case he was sick that my phone would ring and recited the number to her. She didn’t call me but she did let me get him. I was getting him because he had an appointment with the dentist.

We get situated in the tiny waiting room at the dentist’s – really, tiny. Six waiting chairs and the receptionist. All of a sudden, my phone starts to ring. Have you heard the ringtone at the end of this commercial? Customized ringtones annoy the shit out of me for some reason. (If you have one, then I’d probably like it. Because you’re cool. But when I’m in the grocery store and someone’s phone goes off and it’s a song or a weird sound it makes my eye twitch. I’ve only bought one ringtone ever and it was part of a song that Sweety & I like. And I don’t have it anymore.) But I heard that horribly obnoxious thing and thought that I had to have it to use as my alarm clock ring. I set it as my actual phone ring the other day and forgot about it.

And I forgot to turn off my phone before going into the dentist’s office. You should have seen the look on the little old lady’s face who was sitting three feet away from me when it started blaring out of my purse. Of course I was flustered so it took forever to fish it out of my purse to shut it up. I’ve changed it back to the regular ring.

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Maybe I needed to barf that last post out because I woke up yesterday feeling okay for the first time in a long time. To make it better – I got off work early! It was slow so they were letting people off if they wanted.

I took the opportunity to go back to my doctor’s office to get the fucking cough that’s been around since August tended to. He gave me something that will hopefully stop the coughing (He said it might take a few days to work. whatever. I’m not hopeful.) and I’m going to get a chest x-ray and scan of my sinus cavity. I told him that I didn’t think I’d ever poked a bean in there but maybe I had and it was festering and making me sick. I really hope they see something with all of this. Because if they don’t then I think I will cough forever.

And I stayed home today. *cough* *cough* I’m cleaning a little and realized that the vacuum is gone. Do you know how often I actively seek out the vacuum cleaner? Like once in a blue moon. I’m guessing that Sweety took it to work with him to clean up there.

Oh people, I almost wigged out on the boys yesterday. I got home an hour early. Sweety wasn’t home. (The boys had to walk home from school a couple of days this week because he couldn’t get off in time to pick them up.) BB is in the front yard playing basketball (um, how many times have I told them to stay inside the freaking house if they’re home alone?!) and LB is there with him, shoeless. (I have a big problem with them running around shoeless. This stems from the numerous times they’ve come home from the coaew’s house with cuts on their feet or other things that they’re bitching about that could have been prevented with foot coverings.)

I feel bad that they’ve been home alone and instead of cooking ask what they want. Taco Bell. We load up in the car and during the drive it comes up that they have not let the dogs out to potty since they’ve been home from school. I was immediately so pissed off that I wanted to kick them out of my car and let them walk the last few blocks home. So you played video games in my bedroom while Stinky & Tiny howled their heads off in the adjoining bathroom and Oliver pranced at your feet? Poor Stinky Dog completely messed her bed and it’s been disinfecting all night.

For crying out fucking loud. I had no idea that I needed to tell them to let the dogs out when they came home from school. They know that they should do that!

They are going to be here this weekend and I knew if I freaked the fuck out that it would make the whole weekend shit. So I’m sweeping it under the rug. This weekend I am getting a dry erase marker and writing the things that I want them to do every day after school on the icebox. They will probably get more chores than they would have yesterday morning because I’m still pissed about them ignoring the dogs.

Tonight I’m going to put on my glitter eyeshadow and ride with Sweety to the bowling alley where I will probably drink a lot and subject everyone to my music on the jukebox. I’m beyond ready!

The reason I’m able to wear my glitter eyeshadow? I’ve been thinking for two weeks that I lost my whole makeup box but noticed it when I was taking the above photo of Oliver. I’d just stashed it away for some odd reason.

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Guess what we woke up to?

Frozen water pipes. No shit.

It hasn’t been this cold here in 26 years. It’s been in the 20s at night. We don’t run our heater because it uses too much electricity. I’m tucking the dogs into blankets at bedtime and those bitches (And Oliver. Since he’s not a bitch. But he doesn’t have a scrotum anymore so I guess I could get away with calling him a bitch, couldn’t I? I don’t want to offend him though. Good grief. What a tangent.) don’t move until we get up the next morning and I prod them out with my toes.

Sweety has been getting up in the night to turn all the faucets on and flush the super cold water out of the pipes to keep them from freezing. (Leaving it on a drip doesn’t keep it from freezing. Our water pipes run in the attic and Sweety said that the dripping water has frozen up before.) Last night, I suggested that we drink Crown Royal to stay warm and Sweety didn’t wake up in the night like he usually does.

I had no idea that he was getting up to turn on the water. I’ve noticed that he’s been getting up in the night and I take that opportunity to steal more blanket and go back to sleep while wondering what the hell is taking him so long. I thought he was just randomly turning on faucets because he was really thirsty.

Now that I think about it, if he was really so thirsty that he was going from room to room to drink water – that would probably signal some sort of health issue, huh? I need to step up my wifely attentions.

Um, now I know that he was keeping us in water.

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I thought I’d go ahead and put this photo up here. It was up for about 20 minutes Thursday night because I’d forgotten that I’d scheduled it for HNT and then I put another one up. I thought that I took it down before anyone noticed but I see that hits keep coming in from people looking for that page. So, here it is! If you big it, you can see the bits of cheese that were clinging to Tiny Dog’s face. It’s not easy to make her be calm but the promise of cheese does that quite nicely. She’s an official Cheese Whore. She actually choked on some when she snatched the whole fucking block out of Bekah’s hand. We fished it out of her throat and Bekah hung onto that slimy thing to tempt Tiny Dog with it. Bekah’s a trooper. I won’t touch food that my dogs have slimed on.

It’s been cold here, people. I saw ice on the ground the other morning and gave it a few kicks while trying to figure out what the hell it was because I hadn’t seen ice outside in over 8 years. At first, I thought they were some sort of clear berries on the grass.

There is a chance of snow flurries here this weekend. WTF? I bitch all the damned time about how hot it is and now that it’s cold I don’t have any climate appropriate clothing. I’m just walking around freezing and angry. It will pass soon enough.

The pants that I’ve been wearing to work for the past few years blew out on me Thursday. I spent all day waddling around with my jacket yanked down to hide my pink panties that were glaring through the rip in the seat. Time to go get a new pair of pants for my “work uniform”. Work uniform consists of a pair of khakis and 4 striped shirts that I rotate through. I don’t give a damn what I look like at the salt mine. As long as I don’t stink I don’t think anyone should care about my lack of fashion.

Speaking of work! I have all my vacation time squared away for the year! We’re going to Las Vegas for a week, Reno for a weekend (Sweety has to bowl there) and then my trip home in the summer. I. Can’t. Wait. I keep touching the days that are marked off on the calendar when I’m at work to remind myself that there are good things coming that will get me out of there for awhile.

Oliver continues to delight us. Tiny Dog woke up at around 4 the other morning and seemed to realize that he was a permanent houseguest and proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs for 3 hours. I’d go into the bathroom to see if she wanted to go outside and she’d roll onto her back and show me her belly while trying to be cute.

Part of me wanted to shove my foot into her soft belly and wear her as a slipper to keep one foot warm while I took the other dogs outside.

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