What did the green grape say to the purple grape? *


Not much is going on around here. The schedule of having the boys here during the school week and at the coaew’s on the weekends seems to be working out pretty well. It’s weird to not have them here every other weekend but it’s better for them this way. They will be here next weekend because she’s going away “to celebrate an important occasion”. I believe it’s her anniversary. I’m glad.

I want them here for two weeks at a time and then at her house every other weekend. I’m greedy and selfish and I miss them on the weekends. It kind of sucks to only see them during the week while we are all busy with work and school. I like doing fun things with them too. We’re not even a month into this schedule and she needs a weekend away. Good. It will prove that she can go two weeks without seeing them when it suits her.

I’m a bitch and have no care for the feelings of their biological mother. So fry me.

BB has a weight lifting class this year and I know he’s fixing to get huge. Like, Jolly Green Giant huge. He’s already a bit over 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds and he sleeps a lot now. I swear, I can hear him growing. The boys just started the fall baseball season and are able to be on the same team with the way their ages fall. This happens every 3 years or so. It makes it so much easier when there’s just one practice or game to go to. I’m glad that they aren’t always on the same team because they are so competitive when they are that it’s crazy around here for a couple of months. They were comparing things that they had done years ago on the drive to ball practice the other day and BB said to me, “Don’t you love sibling rivalry?” and LB remarked that being on the same team really brought it out in them. At least they notice.

The cough that I spoke of a couple of posts ago is going strong. I’m going to the doctor this week to knock whatever shit is in my head out. I’ve taken to sleeping on the couch in the area of the house that’s the farthest away from the bedrooms so the boys and Sweety aren’t disturbed with my all night coughfest. Tiny Dog doesn’t even want to sleep with my sick ass. But it’s okay, I outweigh her and am able to put her in a headlock and force my love on her.

My Mom is on Facebook. That is so weird to me. She left me a message. Hi Anna I read your facebook.Love Mama I think it’s cute. I just taught her how to save phone numbers on her cell phone this summer and here she is mastering the internet. Now, Facebook is the sanitized version of me. I was on the phone with her over an hour yesterday. I think I’m a little homesick. We start doing our vacation bids for next year tomorrow at work and I’ll start daydreaming about my next vacation home. And yes, yes…I like my life here. But it’s always nice to go back to where I came from.

*For crying out loud, man! Breathe!



The Plan


I’ve spent the last three weeks coughing and hacking 24/7. Two weeks ago I bought medicine, but not my regular kind (Claritin-D) because I felt like shit, was in Wal-Hell and didn’t want to take that little paper slip to the pharmacy and wait to get the goods. (Dear Meth Heads of the world: Thanks for making me have to jump through flaming hoops for medication.)

So I ate that inferior medicine for a week. And it didn’t work worth a damn. On Labor Day, I staggered my ass to the store for Claritin-D. I slept like a rock with no coughing for that first night but now it’s back to cough-cough-hack-gag-elbow in the ribs by Sweety.

Today I woke up feeling like sweaty shit. I couldn’t think straight but went to work anyway because I had 3 hours of some kind of training today. There was no way I was going to miss being off of the phone for 3 hours! I left early though. I just couldn’t hang. Came home and slept for about 6 hours. I don’t feel as crappy but I don’t feel good.

I think this started as allergies and has jumped ship to swine flu. It is my mission to go to work tomorrow and cough on every fool that’s ever pissed me off.



Never Lost!


This weekend I got a GPS! Yay! I’ll NEVER be lost again! To celebrate, I took the boys to this fort. When we got there, I realized it was NOT the fort that I’d meant to go to. I wanted to go here but I hadn’t known the name of the place when I was looking for it. But thanks to technology, I was able to find the proper name and get us there.

We spent a little over an hour, sweating our asses off, looking at the fort. Very neat. Then we went to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! I love those places. I’m such a sucker. Then we walked all over downtown Saint Augustine. And then? Then I was able to follow my new leader, The GPS, as it led me home. Wonderful!

We got the GPS since I’m driving the boys and my niece to Oklahoma this summer for our vacation. I’ll leave a couple of days before Sweety is flying out and then will pick him up from the airport. We’re going to stop in Alabama and do some sight-seeing there on our way. And I know I’ve mentioned it already, but TINY DOG WILL BE WITH ME! IN BED! WITH ME! FOR TWO WEEKS!

Do you know what’s second best to hotel sex? Sleeping with Tiny Dog in a hotel. I can’t wait. Sweety is going to read this, become even more jealous of Tiny and off her before vacation. I can see it happening.

Do you know what makes me want to have hotel sex at home?

Sweety washing Stinky Dog for me. You really have no idea what a turn on it is.

I especially love him when he washes Tasha.

Stinky isn’t so excited when the bathing is going on but she reaps benefits later. She’s easier to love when she isn’t oily. Um, don’t ask why the flashlight is in the background. I’m not sure exactly what Sweety does when he’s washing her. I just know that she’s clean when she walks out of the bathroom.

Oh! If you haven’t voted for this photo, please give it a tap!

Let me share something with you. I finished those damn Twilight books. I didn’t want to like them. The first two didn’t really excite me but book three got under my skin. Went out and got the last book and read it in one 5 hour sitting. Because I had to know how it ended before I could go to sleep. I am so glad that I’m done with them. And for the record, I am Team Jacob. I have had dreams of having little werewolfy babies. I can’t believe that I’m admitting that.



Happy Wednesday!


Speck commented in the previous post – You’re wearing a *dress* with a *slip* to a *bowling tourney*???? Looking back, I was obviously delirious while packing. I ended up wearing basically the same clothes two days in a row. Just changed out tee shirts. The dresses or slip never made it out of the bag.

I also broke a personal record by starting to drink beer at 9 a.m. on Saturday. By the time Sweety was finished bowling, I was ready to take a nap.

Saturday night, I went down from our hotel room to the car for aspirin and on my way back something in a puddle caught my eye. It looked like a baby sea turtle! I thought it would be a nice present for Sweety. We could bring it home! Or at least let it live in our sink for the night. But it was swimming really fast. Do sea turtles swim this fast? Especially babies? I poked it with a stick and realized that it was NOT a cute little sea turtle. It was a nasty, crunchy, scary, GIANT june bug. I hate june bugs. Hell to me would be a dark hallway full of june bugs the size of ping-pong balls. Gah.

I’ve kind of been hearing my biological clock tick (what a phrase) but one day of babysitting totally silenced it. Our friend’s kids (Boy 4, Girl 8) came over on Sunday night and slept over. They were up before 7 on Monday. I’d forgotten what it was like to hear my name eleventy billion times in a day or to be followed to the bathroom. They wore my ass out. I was in bed by 8:30 or so that night. Baby itch? Gone. For now.

It had been such a relaxing weekend that I forgot to throw happy pills in my purse before going to work yesterday. It’s official! Work freaks me out! I spent the first couple of hours a heart pounding, sweaty, twitching, wheezy-breathing mess. Then everything was just surreal. Have you ever had a day where things just seem to be more there than they really are? I won’t forget that shit tomorrow. I thought I was going to have a heart attack before I calmed down.

What did you do this weekend?



Rain, Rain, Go Away!


Holy crap, batman. Could it rain any more? I think it’s been going on since Saturday or so. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of having to act like some sort of herding animal in order to wrangle the canines outside to potty. There was a lull in the rain today and I was trying to shove Tiny Dog outside. Earlier in the day, she had pissed on the porch instead of going on the grass. I never thought I’d be one to pick a small dog up, look her in the eye and say, “I’m going to snap. your. ass. in. half. If you don’t get on the grass, bitch.” She got the message.

My niece (Who just turned 10 at the end of March! I remember when she was a fetus!) read the Twilight series of books and said I should too. I’ve read the first two and they were okay. I’m not so struck by them that I’m running out to get the last two since they’re not available in paperback. She’s going to visit this summer and said she’ll bring them for me to read then. She called me on Mother’s Day and we had a nice talk about books. I swear, if I hadn’t been there when my sister squeezed her out – I’d say she was mine.

Sylvie is sad that the Twilight books are over and asked me to find her something like them to read. “I need romance, vampires and just a little comedy. Okay?” I’m on the prowl. I bought Night World today and am going to read it to see if it will meet her specifications. She’s read and really liked the Eragon series but didn’t get into Harry Potter. Let me know if you (or your kids) have any suggestions.

Just got off of the phone with Sylvie. She’s been riding her bike 6 or 7 blocks to school this week. Some kid was giving her shit and asked her why she wore a helmet. (He didn’t) Her reply? “I value my brain.” Damn, I love her.

See that widget in the sidebar that has my flickr photos floating around? Sweety actually mentioned that it was neat and he’s not one to say anything nice about the blog.

I managed to secure our wireless network yesterday! Yay, me! We got the new router awhile back and when I tried to do it everything was messed up and we couldn’t get online at all. Yesterday when I was clearing the “trash” on my computer, I realized that some of the stuff in there wasn’t mine. I have a feeling that the kid next door has been riding on our wireless from her bedroom. That doesn’t really bother me but when it hit me that if I could see her trash…well, maybe she could see mine? Not cool. It only took a couple of hours of pounding my head against the wall to get all of the computers and the damn game system in sync with the secure wireless system.



Good Times


What a week.

Bekah got here on Wednesday and left yesterday morning. We crammed a lot of shit into 3 days. And a lot of rum too. God. The rum. Wednesday we took it easy and floated in the pool. Instead of going all the way inside when we needed to pee – we picked a corner of the yard. Like hamsters. Drunk, giggly hamsters.

All day Thursday was spent at Sea World. We rode the newest roller coaster, Manta. You are dangling face-down. It was the most intense coaster I’ve ever been on. I honestly thought my heart was going to explode. There was so much screaming involved that it hurt to talk for awhile after we got off of it. Then we came home and put on glittery mouse ears.

We’re sitting on the couch in our mouse-eared glory when Sweety walks in and pauses the t.v.

“Hey, you two. I just wanted to let you know when I went out this morning to adjust the pool settings that I ran into a wall of urine. Like the smell smacked me in the face. What the hell do you guys eat?”

I didn’t occur to me that we’d be excreting alligator piss after hours of drinking rum and Coke. But it makes sense now that I think about it. It wasn’t like it was healthy urine. That was bad stuff that needed OUT.

Here’s a video that Bekah did with her phone (so the quality is sucky. but you can get the gist.) while Sweety and I were talking on the couch. (note my mouse ears!) She said she did it to show her husband what we were like. So he could experience the crazy.

Sweety was kind enough to hang out with us on Friday. He wasn’t feeling too good but I didn’t want to leave him at home. Pulled him out of the house to go eat with us and then we went to Downtown Disn3y. Bekah and I had never been there before so it was pretty neat to walk around and people watch and drink. I spent the whole night drinking Rum Runners with Bacardi 151 floating on top. To say that I felt bad on Saturday morning would be an understatement. I think I broke something in my head with all of the puking.

Today is Sweety’s birthday! I wanted to have a party or a tiny gathering for him (since it’s a big birthday) and he said he would kill me if I did. I believe him. So we’ve had a quiet day at home with just us. It’s been nice.