I went to the doctor two weeks ago and discovered that my new blood pressure medication was the source of my constant cough. Seems I’m allergic to it. Lovely. Been advised it might take a month or so forever to go away. And my cholesterol level is too high so there is now a list of foods that I am to never eat again. Basically anything meaty and tasty. Except chicken. Yard rats. Yum. Double lovely!

Other than that, all is well.

People, if I do NOT get written up at work tomorrow – I swear I’ll be a model worker ant. Yesterday my supervisor was gone. A wall separates my desk from hers. I had just got off the phone with a wonderful customer and I hissed something along the lines of ‘aaagh! get off my phone, idiot!’. I did not know that another supervisor had decided to sit at her desk that day. Said supervisor came around the wall to cubeville and told me that he’d been having a really good day til about 30 seconds ago and pointed out that my bad mood could ruin my coworkers’ moods and that it would be at least 30 minutes before he was happy again. He said it in what I’m sure he thought was a friendly way but really? I’d have much rather he called me over to his desk and shoved bamboo shoots under my fingernails while privately telling me to shut the fuck up.

After he left, all of my podmates were agog (because honestly? we all have that attitude and say those things and I’m really happy he just heard me say ‘idiot’ instead of ‘flaming twatwad’) and said they loved my bad attitude and that it made them laugh. Some people started whispering ‘idiot’ to their phones after calls.

Sweety said this was proof that my bad attitude does affect others and that the supervisor was right. I say I’m not bringing anyone else down – we are all already down. We are commiserating. I’m just really hoping that this doesn’t get back to my supervisor and result in a write-up. They’ve been write-up happy and I haven’t gotten one yet. I’m about due.

The boys and I went to Sea World today. We got there and found out that our passes weren’t valid. Back in the summer, Sweety’s debit card number was stolen and replaced and we forgot to let Sea World know for their automatic billing so they were canceled. We fell back to plan B and went to Downtown Disney to watch a movie and eat lunch. (I had a gift card! Yay!) This was in the entryway to the men’s restroom at the restaurant…

Does this look like a giant sparkly penis or what?

23 Comments | In: cube farm, daily blah | | #

You know how on opening night some movies have their first showing at midnight? So all the complete crackheads can see their movie the at the very first available opportunity?

I’ve always thought those people were nuts. Completely nuts. Guess who is going to see New Moon at 12:01 a.m. on November 20? Ahem. And yes, I totally admit that the acting in Twilight was beyond bad. I’m going to ogle at the kid that plays Jacob. Yes, I know he’s a baby. But he’ll be 18 someday and I won’t feel so lecherous while admiring him.

I’m going with a friend and some of her friends after I get off work on that Thursday. We’re going somewhere to eat (Kobe. I like feeling like my eyebrows could be singed off during the preparation of the meal. And drinks that look like volcanoes.) that I’ve want to go for awhile but haven’t and then we’ll go to the show. I’m excited!

I wasn’t so excited about the fact this is on a Thursday night and I’d have to go to work on Friday after being out til 3 a.m. But guess what? Sweety decided that we are going to Massachusetts to visit his mother and we leave out on the 21st. So I won’t even be going to work that day!

This coincidence totally leads me to believe that I was meant to see this movie at midnight.

We’ve never been to see his mother. She visited us shortly after we were married around Christmas and that’s the only time I’ve met her in person. I’m possibly the world’s worst daughter-in-law. I don’t like to talk to her on the phone (I don’t like to talk to hardly ANYONE on the phone. Unless I’ve given you my phone number. Then you’re cool.) because I don’t really know her. (Except for the stories that Sweety has relayed about his childhood. Kind of less than flattering stories.) And I don’t keep up the online site that she has access to to see photos of the boys.

She asked Sweety awhile back why we go see my mom every summer but don’t go see her. I told Sweety he was more than welcome to go see his mom but I wasn’t going if that meant I wouldn’t get to see my mom. When we got married, part of the deal was that he’d take me to see my mom once a year. It’s in the paperwork.

The boys had a baseball game tonight. It was originally scheduled to start at 6:30 but was changed to 7 p.m. because one kid and his mother can’t get here til 7. (The game went into overtime and we didn’t get out of there til almost 10. At least they won!)

It really aggravates the shit out of me. The kid that can’t get here til 7? His mom works in the concession stand. When she’s not working there, she is busy smoking her lungs out in the bleachers. Usually right in front of the “no smoking” sign.

I told Sweety that I was going to call 911 the next time some flaming twatwad lit a cigarette up but he advised against it. He says it’s not a true emergency and I would be arrested for abusing the system.

I’m thinking of using cash to buy one of those disposable cell phones and using it to make the call anyway.

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
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Brothel sprouts.

23 Comments | In: daily blah | | #

Got a call from my doctor. Seems that my bloodwork reveals that I am an unhealthy slug. Surprise, surprise. He wants to see me in the flesh on Friday to discuss these findings.

Sweety bowls Friday night. He just announced, “In 72 hours? I’m going to be drunk!” I chime in with, “Me too!”

No, you’re going to be on a diet. You won’t get to drink.

I’ll drink Jack Daniel’s and Diet Coke!

Do you know what that is? CALORIES! How about you have a Jack Daniel’s enema? I’ll take a swig and then blow it into your ass.

He then pantomimed the position I would assume and the angle at which he would hold his head.

The scary part? I think he was serious.

In other news, he just ate a family sized sack of Cheetos.

I hate his metabolism. Fuck you, Sweety’s metabolism. Of course, I harbor NOOOOOO ill will towards him for sitting here and eating that whole fucking sack.

10 Comments | In: daily blah, husband, toast | | #

Last summer the laptop we had was in an accident. When we got it back it worked and I was very happy. It worked properly for maybe two weeks.

For the past year it’s been a pain in the ass. Sometimes it wouldn’t start or would be so slow that it wasn’t worth fooling with.

A few weeks ago, the laptop had another accident with a piece of heavy equipment. (That laptop is one klutzy bitch.) A big enough accident that the hard drive was crushed into pieces and instead of putting the hard drive in a new laptop case – a refurbished laptop was sent as a replacement.

In an act of true karma – the new laptop won’t go online with it’s internal wireless thingymabob. I can plug a wireless usb device in and it’ll go online but I shouldn’t have to do that. I’ve already called tech support and it sounds like I’m going to have to call somewhere else and probably send it in to be fixed. I won’t be able to call them until I’m off again next Wednesday because they work regular hours and will be closed when I get off of work.

I’m not gonna bitch too much. At the most, I’ll just end up getting a wireless usb thing for it if they can’t fix it.

The neighbor’s cat is going to get a cleansing with some waterless shampoo. It’s foam that you rub in and then towel off. I’m really afraid he’d have a heart attack if I got him wet and I do not want to deal with that. They are going on vacation for a week so I’ll take that opportunity to clean him up. If Sweety would allow it, I’d tell them that he died and we buried him while letting him live out his life in our garage.

So the boys have been here for almost 2 weeks because the coaew had a weekend getaway this past weekend. The plan was that they were going to be here til Friday and then she’d pick them up from school on Friday and have them over the weekend.

The boys had a baseball game tonight. She came and told Sweety that she was going to pick them up from school tomorrow because she “deeply missed the boys” and will wake them at the fucking asscrack of dawn on Friday to take them to school. Because she misses them. The whole point of this exercise of them being here during the school week was so they wouldn’t have to get up super freaking early to get to school. She left the game after maybe 1.5 innings. If she missed them so fucking much you’d think she’d stay longer.

I have an internal bet with myself over whether or not she’ll drop LB off here after taking BB to school on Friday morning so we can take him in an hour and a half later. You know what? She has my permission to park her damned car in the driveway and sleep while he does for that hour and a half and then SHE can take him to school. I have to admit that Sweety knows that the fact that she drops him off on Monday mornings (Why can’t she take him to eat breakfast? Spend time with him? Probably cuts into her gym time. I’m not bitter.) chaps my ass so he comes home from work to take LB to school. I’ve adjusted to taking him being here on Mondays and have taken him to school if Sweety isn’t able to because that is the schedule. If she just assumes that it’s okay to do it this Friday I will probably set her on fire.

Actually, it just occurred to me that I could really fuck up someone’s day by scattering roofing nails in my driveway.

People, I have got to find a happy medium with this cunt. As it is, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve spoken to her and honestly? I’m okay with that. But today she walked behind me with her crew of crumb-crunchers and one of them was saying my name to try and get my attention and I ignored him because I didn’t want to turn the fuck around and have to say hi to her too. Because just seeing her makes me get hot and mad. I feel like I had a good 7 years of her being a complete douche to me while I said not one bad word to her so I’m entitled to at least 7 years of her staying the hell out of my way.

Sweety told me that I was being kind of harsh to take my annoyance out on the kid. I say I didn’t really take anything out on him – perhaps my ears just don’t pick up the frequency of small children shrilly saying my name. Either I’m going to have to start talking to this bitch and her crew or else move my chair to the far side of the field so there’s no chance of them getting close to me.

I’ll probably move.

7 Comments | In: coaew, daily blah, grouching | | #