We did a little bit of sightseeing and went to the zoo but for the most part, we stuck around the house and ate Korean food while talking. It was awesome. It was so awesome that I cried the whole way home because I hated to leave and return to regular life.

My plane landed in Orlando about 20 minutes early and I took that time to cry in the bathroom in the hopes that I could turn off the waterworks before Sweety picked me up. Sweety later told me that when he saw my crying ass sitting outside the airport that his first thought was that I looked homeless and miserable and maybe he should just leave me there. Yeah, that would have been great!

Before I left, Sweety asked me to put together a schedule for when the boys would be here and at the coaew’s this summer so he could give it to her and once she saw it they would both be looking at the same thing if she wanted to change anything about it. It’s nothing set in stone – just an idea. Well, her panties got in a wad after she saw it. It was done on the computer so I guess she assumed it was me that typed it all up and that pissed her off. She called Sweety ranting and raving about how the boys are her and his kids and I shouldn’t have any input in their lives. (hmm, I wonder if it’s ever occurred to her that I’ve lived with them quite a bit more than she has the past 9 years? and would it have been better if Sweety would have written all of it out by hand?)

So, they’re not MY kids but the motherfucking cunt wants me to change MY fucking vacation to suit her. How about a big glass of “go fuck yourself with a smoldering garden spade”? We’ve taken our family vacation the same time of year for the past 4 or 5 years to suit her. We used to go on vacation in June but that interfered with one of her crotchlings birthdays and the party she likes to have so we moved our vacation into July, the same time in July, a few years ago.

She’s all pissed off that our vacation time is overlapping with the time her husband has taken off for vacation and she wants to take the boys camping. I’m planning on leaving to head to Oklahoma on Tuesday night after I get off work but she wants me to wait til Wednesday.

I’m thinking of being a bitch and not waiting. Dammit, I’ve planned on leaving on Tuesday evening. *I* don’t have any kids so what makes her think she can tell me when to go on vacation to accommodate *her* kids?

Yeah, fuck it. I’m leaving on Tuesday night like I’ve planned and everyone can suck it and deal.

I really hope a bear eats her ass when they go camping. I hope it fucking rains every day they’re camping and mosquitoes descend like a plague of locusts. A crazy ax murderer that likes women that look like Walter Matthau would be nice too.

I’m afraid that I’m going to get to the end of this journey of raising the boys and just be like “wow, that’s it.” I need a family of my own. I need kids that will call me “mom” and give me hugs. Kids that I can raise how I want to. Kids that I don’t have to walk around on eggshells with because they aren’t *my* kids and OMG what if I do something to upset them and it gets back to the coaew?

Later I was thinking about it and felt bad that I’d let one human being rain on my parade. If she was a regular fixture somewhere I was then I guess I’d have to get used to her. It was just easier to leave on Friday.

Sweety and I have been out of sorts with each other for a few days now. Sweety is really awesome 99% of the time. But that other 1%? Really fucking mean. I’d seen a lot of the RFM here lately and wasn’t taking it well. I can handle the RFM if it happens sporadically. But if it happens and I can remember the last time it happened? Then it’s happening too much. I know a lot of it is work related with him so I’ve been quiet and tried to ride it out. I decided that I was tired of riding it out and threw a grenade at him last night and we’ve both been doing a lot of thinking.

One of the things he said was it annoyed him that I’d come right in from work and get on the computer until bedtime. I pointed out that I didn’t come right in and get on the computer. First I cleaned all the trash, recycling and dirty dishes up from the kitchen. By the time I’m done with that and walk into the living room to see my three sloths on the couches? I’m not about to start cleaning at 8 o’clock at night while they watch me. I want to sit in the corner on my computer and melt into the couch.

Today we rationally talked through things and we will start getting along better.

Where did we have our talk? At the dentist’s office I mentioned in the post below right after I told him about my cell phone blowing up. That gave us the giggles and we were able to move on into a conversation without anybody getting all bent out of shape. And it helped that we were in public too. Don’t want to cause a scene.

That’s me.

Sweety has asked me what do I like anymore. What am I excited about? There isn’t anything. I just want to be left alone in the dark.

I feel like I don’t have any right to grouch about anything because so many people have it worse. Despite how much I loooooooathe my job at least I have it.

The contest at work? My team won. We were in the lead up until the second to last day. All month long, I did not boast about it or give the other team captain a hard time. But ohmyfuckingword, the one day that her team was in the lead? Crow, fucking crow. I really didn’t give a damn if my team won or not. She was so sure that her team had won and when it was announced that they did not the whining started. (I decided to give my team all a gift certificate to the cafe at work for their prize. I think I’m going to crank out the prize that Sweety suggested of wings and beer for this month’s prize. Because it was decided we’d have the same fucking contest again this month. Yee-haw.) Her team had to take more phone calls…surely the numbers hadn’t been calculated properly….blahblahblah.

She’d made little comments about how I “bribed” my team with candy and a prize. So. The. Fuck. What? Everytime one of her people sold a doohickey she’d do this squealing congratulations. Not me. I told my people to just please sell and I’d do something nice for them if we won. But that I wasn’t going to pat their backs all the time because I can’t multitask like that. I have to pay attention to the customer on my phone when I’m working.

We were in a meeting yesterday and she was taking it upon herself to try and volunteer me to our supervisor for various things. It took all I had to not tell her to shut the fuck up. That would probably get me canned. Her voice makes me want to stab my eardrums out. I want to punch her in the head. Sweety said that he will pay once to bail me out of jail as long as it isn’t a felony charge because those cost too much. I’m thinking about it.

They are never going to love me like they do their parents and it’s making me tired to try and be a supermom when I’m not super or a mom. I’ve spent 8 years going out of my way to be at every game and chaperon every field trip that they needed me on.

I have discovered something more embarrassing than telling a man that you love him and he says nothing – saying it to your stepsons and they say nothing. I know they can squeak it out. I hear them tell their parents all of the time. I used to tell them that I loved them when I tucked them in at night and they never said it back so I quit saying it. A few weeks ago, I thought that was no reason to not tell them since I do. But since it’s just followed with awkward silence – I give up. I know the boys love me but it’s frustrating that I put forth as much effort in all around raising them as their mother or Sweety and I’m not the same.

Last Saturday, for the first time ever – I didn’t go to a baseball game when I would have been able to. I had company and I just really wasn’t relishing the idea of sitting at the game for 3 hours with the coaew a stone’s throw away. And the world didn’t end. The boys didn’t even wonder where I was.

This weekend’s game is going to be a dramafest. They play about an hour away and they have a wedding to be in on their stepfather’s side of the family that evening. After the game, Sweety has to meet the coaew somewhere with the boys. I know what the day will be like.

They’ll get beat in the baseball game. Sweety will be annoyed. The boys will be pissy. The coaew will be calling or texting constantly trying to find out where they are. I will be pissed off that we’re having to take them to meet her because she didn’t come to the game. It’s her time with them. Yes, she has a wedding that night but if they have time to go to the game then why the fuck can’t she take them?

So I told Sweety I didn’t want to go. I have absolutely no desire to even be around the aggravation that will ensue if the game runs into overtime or Sweety can’t meet her at the appointed time. Or if he shows up at the meeting place and she isn’t there yet.

He said that he’d like for me to go but understands why I don’t want to. And guess what? I’m not having any anxiety about this Saturday since I’m avoiding it. If I was going, I’d spend all week dreading it.

I also told Sweety that I probably won’t be going to their games if he isn’t there. I’m uncomfortable being around the coaew and even more so if Sweety isn’t around to talk to.

That flaming twatwad called him this weekend to ask what size pants did BB wear because she needed to buy him dress pants for the wedding. It wouldn’t have been so bad but BB was at her house. On the couch. Watching t.v. He didn’t want to miss the football game on t.v. to go shopping so she was calling for his pants size. WTF? How hard is it to either A) Tell him to get his ass up because he as to go or B) See what size pants are on his ass? Gah. Sweety let the call go to voicemail and didn’t bother calling back.

Maybe the next time she calls crying about money problems – he can tell her to talk to her husband about a mortgage bond. It’s nice that she’s never had a pot to piss in but always manages to hook up with someone who does.

Basically, I’ve decided if something extracurricular is going to stress me the hell out or make me want to cry then I’m not doing it.

For the past year it’s been a pain in the ass. Sometimes it wouldn’t start or would be so slow that it wasn’t worth fooling with.

A few weeks ago, the laptop had another accident with a piece of heavy equipment. (That laptop is one klutzy bitch.) A big enough accident that the hard drive was crushed into pieces and instead of putting the hard drive in a new laptop case – a refurbished laptop was sent as a replacement.

In an act of true karma – the new laptop won’t go online with it’s internal wireless thingymabob. I can plug a wireless usb device in and it’ll go online but I shouldn’t have to do that. I’ve already called tech support and it sounds like I’m going to have to call somewhere else and probably send it in to be fixed. I won’t be able to call them until I’m off again next Wednesday because they work regular hours and will be closed when I get off of work.

I’m not gonna bitch too much. At the most, I’ll just end up getting a wireless usb thing for it if they can’t fix it.

The neighbor’s cat is going to get a cleansing with some waterless shampoo. It’s foam that you rub in and then towel off. I’m really afraid he’d have a heart attack if I got him wet and I do not want to deal with that. They are going on vacation for a week so I’ll take that opportunity to clean him up. If Sweety would allow it, I’d tell them that he died and we buried him while letting him live out his life in our garage.

So the boys have been here for almost 2 weeks because the coaew had a weekend getaway this past weekend. The plan was that they were going to be here til Friday and then she’d pick them up from school on Friday and have them over the weekend.

The boys had a baseball game tonight. She came and told Sweety that she was going to pick them up from school tomorrow because she “deeply missed the boys” and will wake them at the fucking asscrack of dawn on Friday to take them to school. Because she misses them. The whole point of this exercise of them being here during the school week was so they wouldn’t have to get up super freaking early to get to school. She left the game after maybe 1.5 innings. If she missed them so fucking much you’d think she’d stay longer.

I have an internal bet with myself over whether or not she’ll drop LB off here after taking BB to school on Friday morning so we can take him in an hour and a half later. You know what? She has my permission to park her damned car in the driveway and sleep while he does for that hour and a half and then SHE can take him to school. I have to admit that Sweety knows that the fact that she drops him off on Monday mornings (Why can’t she take him to eat breakfast? Spend time with him? Probably cuts into her gym time. I’m not bitter.) chaps my ass so he comes home from work to take LB to school. I’ve adjusted to taking him being here on Mondays and have taken him to school if Sweety isn’t able to because that is the schedule. If she just assumes that it’s okay to do it this Friday I will probably set her on fire.

Actually, it just occurred to me that I could really fuck up someone’s day by scattering roofing nails in my driveway.

People, I have got to find a happy medium with this cunt. As it is, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve spoken to her and honestly? I’m okay with that. But today she walked behind me with her crew of crumb-crunchers and one of them was saying my name to try and get my attention and I ignored him because I didn’t want to turn the fuck around and have to say hi to her too. Because just seeing her makes me get hot and mad. I feel like I had a good 7 years of her being a complete douche to me while I said not one bad word to her so I’m entitled to at least 7 years of her staying the hell out of my way.

Sweety told me that I was being kind of harsh to take my annoyance out on the kid. I say I didn’t really take anything out on him – perhaps my ears just don’t pick up the frequency of small children shrilly saying my name. Either I’m going to have to start talking to this bitch and her crew or else move my chair to the far side of the field so there’s no chance of them getting close to me.

I’ll probably move.

Does anyone have a good method of getting rid of cats that doesn’t involve nuking the neighborhood? Our neighbors have a bunch of the hairy bastards and they keep coming into our garage and pissing on everything. And shitting. There is nothing that will make your day more glittery-special than coming home from work and stepping in catshit. We have a cat (Girl) and I love her. I feed her wet food twice a day! I wouldn’t be as upset if it was her shit. But to have it coming from a nasty pissy cat that bullies the hell out of mine is too much.

When I’m home during the day, I leave the garage door cracked a bit so Girl can come and go as she pleases. I’m afraid it’s too hot for her to be outside all day and she doesn’t like being cooped up in the garage with the door closed. The other cats take this as their invitation to completely fuck my place up. They spray my tires! My sweet little car’s shoes have been violated! And the smell? For the love of all that is good and holy, it smells like bad urine in there. (not to be confused with good urine!)

One of them (a 3-legged bastard) actually got trapped in our garage last night when I closed it. My first instinct was to beat his piss-spraying self with a broom but I gave him a chance. I opened the door and yelled at him at the top of my lungs so his owners could hear politely gave him to the count of five to hop on out. He did.

I’ve already decided that I’m going to start collecting the cat turds and depositing them somewhere in the neighbor’s yard on a weekly basis. My first thought was to hurl them into their yard as I found them each day but I decided I wanted to go with the dramatic. A turd here and there? You might miss them. A pile of them decaying by your mailbox? No overlooking that.

The boys are here tonight instead of at their mother’s because LB had a 2 hour baseball practice tonight and it was too much of an almighty trial for her to take him. Today was an unexpected day off and I’d planned on sleeping in and running naked around the house but ended up going to the dollar movie theater instead. We had to get out of the house before cabin fever set in. I ran them ragged helping me get the house clean yesterday and we were all ready to get out.

Anyone want to make a bet? I am scheduled off on the 25th (Thursday) of this month as a Random Day Off To Not Do Shit and the coaew’s spaying is set for the 26th. She is supposed to pick up the boys Thursday morning and drop them off here that night before her procedure on Friday but I bet you a dollar that they will be here all day long. I feel evil but I’m not even going to mention to them that I’m off on that day because I’d kind of like to be alone. Honestly, if there is time available to be off work on the 26th, then I will change my day and it won’t bother me because I know they’re going to be here that day. It will irk me if she decides that they will stay here instead of with her just because I’m going to be home and it will be easier for her.

I like being with the boys. It just annoys the fuck out of me that she will be all “oh, I can’t stand to go (whatever number of days) without seeing the boys!” but then use any excuse to not get them. After she’s been kind enough to tell Sweety that I’m not doodly-squat to the boys. You know what I mean? Not that I don’t like being around them. They are interesting and we do have a lot of fun together.

Maybe I’m on high alert too because she felt the need to call Sweety today with a totally fucking ignorant parenting question. For crying out loud, this nutball has birthed 4 and is in charge of SEVEN and can’t make obvious choices?

Is it okay if I let the boys watch a movie alone in the mall theater while I walk around with the other kids?

Well, BB did go to Indianapolis on a school trip (and will be driving next year!) and they’re both getting to be grown. I would say so. But why?

Well, they don’t like to watch the same kinds of movies that the little kids do.

First off, didn't she say at first that she was going to "walk around the mall" with the other kids? Not take them to another movie? Pick your story and stick to it. And second? Why bother asking him what he thinks? She sure as shit didn't ask him if he was okay with encouraging LB to shoot fucking birds! (imagine that last sentence being sung by me in a high-pitched screamsong that fades to nothing) And third? The boys will watch ANY FUCKING MOVIE YOU TAKE THEM TO. We saw Race To Witch Mountain today and they were begging to go see Up! but I didn’t feel like shelling out for full priced tickets. We’re all geared up to watch G-Force. A movie about talking guinea pigs. They’re not too picky in the “going to the movies” department.

BB had a dinner at school a couple of weeks ago and it was her scheduled night but Sweety took him. She told Sweety that BB “looks at her weird” when she goes places with him. BB thanked Sweety for taking him “because it’s always so hard for mom to find a sitter or all the kids come too.”

I want to send her a “congratulations on not subjecting the world to more from your womb!” card but Hallmark didn’t have one. Bastards.

Please forgive my excessive use of quotation marks, italics and the word “fuck”. I think I’m a bit premenstrual. You really wanted to know that, huh?

Here. Let me end with something that makes me laugh.

Tiny Dog will get all pissed off sometimes when we get too close to her cage and will run inside to “guard” it. Even if there is no food in her bowl, she will still growl over it. So when she did it the other night, Sweety closed her cage door and lined Cheetos (food from the doggy gods) up….

and let Stinky Dog eat them all. I saw a blood vessel burst in Tiny’s eye while this was going down.

]]> http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/06/ranty-goodness/feed/ 25 http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/04/sometime-i-picture-myself-smacking-my-head-against-the-wall/ http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/04/sometime-i-picture-myself-smacking-my-head-against-the-wall/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:53:58 +0000 Chickie http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/?p=2591 You all know it’s Easter this weekend? Right? I guess that shit sneaked up on the coaew because she couldn’t wait around for the boys’ baseball practice to end tonight so she could take them home (her night) because she needed to get ready for Easter. It just bugs the living shit out of me that she does this kind of thing. What the fuck does that say to the boys? I’ve already tweeted my annoyance and I’ll leave it alone.

So we are staying up super late and I’m letting them snack on whatever junk we have here.

]]> http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/04/sometime-i-picture-myself-smacking-my-head-against-the-wall/feed/ 10 http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/03/empty-headed/ http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/03/empty-headed/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2009 01:06:34 +0000 Chickie http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/?p=2467 Sweety gave me blogger’s block this weekend.

I was telling him about something and I had blogged about it and said something like, “You didn’t read it?”. Because I had been under the impression that he kept up with things here. (because I know he reads the Twitters in the sidebar because he mentions them.) His reply? “No. Why do I want to read that boring shit? Your dogs, job and the coaew. That’s it. Over and over and over.”

There was utter silence in the car for about 10 minutes.

You know, that was kind of a mean thing to say.

What?

That my posts are boring. Even if they are. That wasn’t nice. You could have just said you didn’t read it.

What I meant was the things you write about are repetitive because that’s all you do.

You know what?! Sometimes people send me emails letting me know they like my boring! (imagine a nice, shrill voice here. maybe I was feeling sensitive and my eyes were moist too)

*blink* *blink* Maybe I should start getting out and doing things. So I am less repetitive, asshole. (okay, the asshole part was only in my head.)

I think Sweety sensed that the Homeland Security alert had just went up to Orange.

You make your things sound interesting though! You’re like ramen!

Ramen? Fifteen cents a package ramen? WTF?

No, wait! Your life is like plain ramen noodles but you are like the ramen seasoning packet. Once you sprinkle on there it’s all interesting!

So I’ve been trying to think of something new to blog about and have come up empty handed.

I did take out some frustration on Sweety’s ass on Saturday night though. I love my little riding crop. And tequila. He still has a criss-cross pattern back there.

There! That didn’t pertain to work or dogs or coaew!

]]> http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/03/empty-headed/feed/ 23 http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/03/death-coming-out-of-the-closet-birth-ive-got-it-all/ http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/2009/03/death-coming-out-of-the-closet-birth-ive-got-it-all/#comments Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:19:31 +0000 Chickie http://www.skitteringthoughts.com/?p=2380 **ELAINE? ARE YOU READING THIS? YOU CAN GO ON AND SKIP THIS ONE.**

LB hunts at his mother’s house. Birds. With a bb gun. Sweety said something to the coaew about it and she said that LB enjoys it. She says he eats what he kills. I say he can’t be so fucking hungry that he needs to shoot tiny birds out of trees. I saw a photo of him online, smiling from ear to ear, gun across his body and a bird the size of a tiny rat with feathers in his hand. She said he ate it. I don’t believe her and I don’t care if he did eat it. I think it’s one thing to hunt for food. He’s not hunting “for food”. He’s killing birds. I threw up when I saw the photo.

He told me a few weeks ago that he built 3 bird feeders for the trees in the yard over there. I wonder if they’re like salt licks for deers? Get them in the habit of coming by for some grub so you can blow them out of the sky?

It makes me sad.

I’m just totally freaked out by the whole thing. I can’t even look at him right now. I want to ask him if the bird was tasty. I have told Sweety that I’ll never hear another word out of LB’s mouth at dinnertime if he doesn’t want to eat something. If you can pick a bb out of a feathered rat’s ass and eat it then you can damn well eat anything I cook.

My sweet Mom happened to call today when I was in the middle of freaking out over the bird killing thing. Somehow, the conversation turned to religion. I’ve come out of the closet with my Mom. She’s knows I’m an atheist now. I told her I have morals because they are the right thing to have. Not because I want to go to heaven. She said that she would still pray for me and I told her that was fine.

In other news, here’s where baby chihuahuas REALLY come from.

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