I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but Sweety has become very active in the Sports Association at BB’s school. So active that he is now the vice-president of the group. I am not so crazy about his involvement because he spends a lot of his spare time doing things that deal with it and I think work keeps him busy enough. It’s like he has no downtime.

One of the big issues with the organization is how to raise money for the different sports teams. They had a meeting several weeks ago and voted on having a cornhole tournament. Since Sweety suggested it, all plans fell to him. Okay. Fine. But EVERYONE in the association knew about it.

It was today.

How many people (besides the baseball coach and association president) from the association showed up? That would be less than one. Zero. I’m pissed. Sweety worked hard to make the game boards for the game and I made up flyers that the association asked for so they could hand them out and not ONE of those people showed up?!

Who did show up? Sweety’s friends, bless their hearts. One guy and his family drove from 45 miles away but the people who are members of this community and voted on having this thing and are walking distance from where it was held didn’t come.

Sweety said some of the association members had expressed disdain over the fact that the game is called cornhole. You throw sacks of corn at a board with a hole in it – hence the name. There’s a national group for it. They have tournaments and whatnot. Sweety thinks some people are going to say they didn’t come because they didn’t like the name of it. I told him to tell them to get over their homophobic tendencies and that the flyer very clearly referred to a board game and not ass fucking.

Well, at least we have four new cornhole boards now. We can play two games at once! I think I’m ready to host a gathering here since we have something to do for fun now besides harass the dogs.

30 Comments | In: grouching | | #

Someone *cough*sweety*cough* has accused me of only posting things that paint myself in a good light so I thought you could see this too.

Sweety got me some kickass shoes a few couple of weeks ago and I told him to not get me anything for Christmas because that would be my gift. Sweety is an awesome gift giver. The lovely ring in 2007 and signed book and marshmallow gun of 2008 were real surprises. He’s also been great about having my friends and family come down to visit too. I was expecting nothing to open on Christmas morning but when things started appearing under the tree, I couldn’t help but wonder what they were.

I was super excited to see Sweety open his gifts because I’d been listening all year whenever he said that he wanted something (Even to his sleep talking. He gave me gift ideas in his sleep.) and I had found it all. All at good prices and some things that could only be found online.

Let me set the scene: This was the night of Christmas Eve. The previous week at work had been shit. Complete shit. Like, “here, let me cry at my desk multiple times while everyone watches” kind of shit. The last time Sweety had mentioned it, we were going to have to take the boys to the coaew on Christmas morning. On Christmas Eve (after I’m off work and we’re on our way out to eat with the boys in the car), it is brought to my attention that she’s picking them up around noon on Christmas Day. Which meant we could have had an early Christmas dinner instead of going out to eat after I got off of work on Christmas Eve. Perhaps I haven’t mentioned my extreme annoyance at the holiday scheduling of the boys? Officially, I was afuckingnoyed.

All night Sweety kept saying that he couldn’t wait for me to open my presents. But the manner in which he was saying it kind of alarmed me. It was like, “I can’t wait to see your reaction, muahahahahaha!” More alarm bells started ringing when Sweety and BB got out of the car to run into the pharmacy and LB spent the whole time telling me that he had been telling Sweety that my gift was a bad idea and that they should get me something else.

We got home and Sweety and the boys opened their presents first. Sweety wanted me to open mine last so they could watch me. (He was also kind enough to video it. I decided me telling you about this would make me sound like a big enough bitch. You don’t need to see the look on my face or witness me throwing a dusting mitten at Sweety.) They were all grinning at me like hyenas and I noticed that the boys had positioned themselves on the outskirts of the room. I was tired of the week and felt like my last nerve was coated in sea salt.

The theme of my gift this year was “from the clearance bin at the hardware store”. The best part was some of the items are totally useless in this house. Does anyone need tarp holder clips? I have no tarp or truck that I would use a tarp cover clip on. How about a mitt you wear to dust the furniture? Because I’m not a fan of dusting. It’s so much fun to doodle in the dust after its collected! A toilet paper hanger? Doesn’t fit either of our toilets. Some animal crackers that are most likely expired?

I’d put makeup on before leaving work to try and make my mood better. I laughed my crazy laugh for a good 30 minutes after opening the gifts and streaked my face up like a clown. Sweety cornered me in the bedroom and told me that I needed to quit laughing because I was scaring the children.

Sweety’s inspiration for this? I’d told him a few weeks ago about the Christmas where my Mom stuffed socks into toilet paper rolls and my sister and I had gone nuts trying to figure out what the packages were. We saved them to open last and were a bit disappointed. After I’d opened everything, Sweety asked me what I thought. Told him it reminded me of that Christmas and he beamed, “Yes! That is what I was going for!”

I kind of felt like I’d been the butt of someone’s joke all week long and now my family was laughing at me too. Maybe I was a little irrational.

Let me say that I’m happy:
To have a roof over my head.
That I have a bellyful of food.
To not be worrying about how to pay for utilities.
That we’re all basically healthy.

I know some people didn’t have any gifts to open and maybe their loved one is gone. I know some kids in Africa have flies skating on their eyeballs. I know that this makes me look like the biggest ungrateful bitch around.

Me, Sweety and the boys are all having laughs about it now. I did tell the boys if they have wives to never do this to them, especially if the wife is working at a crappy job and has had a crummy week.

Sweety was super duper nice New Year’s Eve and got tickets to the Merle Haggard show in February. I was planning on buying one ticket to go alone and sit in the nosebleed section (because Sweety is not a fan of crowds or live music) but he got them four rows from the stage! Sweet.

Here is some more meanness…

For the record, the very sound coaew’s voice touches something very visceral in me. That part that wants to kill things with my teeth. I was sitting on the couch in the living room on Christmas morning and heard her braying like a donkey yell a question to Sweety while he was standing in the garage. I immediately wanted to hop up, grab a stick, sharpen it and poke her eyes out while eating her neck. I went to the potty instead. (Yes, people, I call it “potty”. I like that word. Say it a few time. Potty. Potty. Pawteee.) It seemed to be a fitting thing to do while I waited for her to leave my yard.

Can I point out that if you’re sending your kids off during the day to do something sports related and you’ve known about it for months that it would be a good idea to have all of their shit together and a plan for things before children-swap-off-time on Christmas? I’m just saying. Sweety was running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to get the boys’ stuff together and I hear that whore caterwauling about how she doesn’t know where to drop the boys off. I have an idea – Mapquest that shit and get away from my house.

Oh, and that stunned cunt had the nerve to call Sweety and suggest to him that we get LB an iPod Touch at our house because she was getting BB one at hers and LB was bent out of shape about it. I guess she asked them privately what they each wanted and LB named something and when he found out later that BB asked for an iPod and was getting it wanted to change his gift to that. Sweety told her that we’d already taken care of the boys’ gifts here and that LB wouldn’t be getting that from us. She ended up giving one iPod to both boys as a joint Christmas gift. A little birdie told me that their younger stepsister got an iPad. LB came in yesterday and was asking all sorts of questions about the iPad – how much do they cost? Are they really any good? What did I think of them? To make him feel better I told him that I thought they were overpriced and I’d much rather have an iPod that I could carry around and did some iPad bashing. (LB doesn’t know that I know what his stepsister got.) Of course, if I found an iPad laying around – I’d be on it like white on rice.

18 Comments | In: bwahahahahaha!, coaew, conversation, excuse me while i scream, grouching, keyboard vomit, my filter is broken, secret shame | | #

I don’t know how many more times I can come home from work and find the human sloths (aka LB and BB) sitting on the couches, t.v. blaring, food dishes around, chores half-assed done – without losing my shit in a serious way. Sweety had a “meeting” with them a couple of weeks ago but the laziness has returned. He told me that he’d had a talk with them so what good would a talk from me do?

I won’t have a talk. I’ll have a meltdown where electronic items are broken, beds are flipped over and clothes that are on the floor are burned on the porch. I told Sweety I’m about a third of the way to my batshit crazy episode if things don’t improve. Nobody here has seen me batshit crazy yet. I am a very patient person on the outside.

And if I hear one more time any whining about the precious Playstation 3 system being broken? I am going to take that thing into the garage and beat it with a sledgehammer. Then I will come in and sell all of their games on eBay with a starting bid of one penny.

I wouldn’t be so mad about the PS3 if it weren’t for how it was broken. Long story short, the boys were playing and LB got pissy because he was losing so he just flipped the power switch off instead of shutting it down properly. That PS3 was purchased by Sweety and I to play in OUR bedroom and we were kind enough to let the sprogs use it. And that was what happened.

So, excuse the shit out of me kid. I’m sorry that you’re upset because you can’t play your game under the glaring t.v. while getting a sunburn from the television light because you were being a brat and broke it.

It doesn’t help that LB spends at least half of his waking time with a sullen expression on his face and a surly little attitude. What the hell do you have to be bitchy about? Is it just because he’s 14? Can someone tell me when will this shit end? Does it? I need a timeline!

Their birthdays are coming up within a couple of weeks and they are fretting because they don’t know what they want. I told them that maybe that was a sign that they didn’t need anything if there wasn’t something they could name off of the top of their head. I want to buy them each a bucket full of cleaning supplies. Wouldn’t that be fun?

21 Comments | In: grouching, sprogs | | #

I had a fantastic time visiting family in Arizona! I saw my Mom’s sister (who I hadn’t seen since I was 2), her daughter and grandson (all of them are visiting from Korea) and met my Mom’s nephew’s family. His wife was an absolute sweetheart and their son was adorable.

We did a little bit of sightseeing and went to the zoo but for the most part, we stuck around the house and ate Korean food while talking. It was awesome. It was so awesome that I cried the whole way home because I hated to leave and return to regular life.

My plane landed in Orlando about 20 minutes early and I took that time to cry in the bathroom in the hopes that I could turn off the waterworks before Sweety picked me up. Sweety later told me that when he saw my crying ass sitting outside the airport that his first thought was that I looked homeless and miserable and maybe he should just leave me there. Yeah, that would have been great!

Before I left, Sweety asked me to put together a schedule for when the boys would be here and at the coaew’s this summer so he could give it to her and once she saw it they would both be looking at the same thing if she wanted to change anything about it. It’s nothing set in stone – just an idea. Well, her panties got in a wad after she saw it. It was done on the computer so I guess she assumed it was me that typed it all up and that pissed her off. She called Sweety ranting and raving about how the boys are her and his kids and I shouldn’t have any input in their lives. (hmm, I wonder if it’s ever occurred to her that I’ve lived with them quite a bit more than she has the past 9 years? and would it have been better if Sweety would have written all of it out by hand?)

So, they’re not MY kids but the motherfucking cunt wants me to change MY fucking vacation to suit her. How about a big glass of “go fuck yourself with a smoldering garden spade”? We’ve taken our family vacation the same time of year for the past 4 or 5 years to suit her. We used to go on vacation in June but that interfered with one of her crotchlings birthdays and the party she likes to have so we moved our vacation into July, the same time in July, a few years ago.

She’s all pissed off that our vacation time is overlapping with the time her husband has taken off for vacation and she wants to take the boys camping. I’m planning on leaving to head to Oklahoma on Tuesday night after I get off work but she wants me to wait til Wednesday.

I’m thinking of being a bitch and not waiting. Dammit, I’ve planned on leaving on Tuesday evening. *I* don’t have any kids so what makes her think she can tell me when to go on vacation to accommodate *her* kids?

Yeah, fuck it. I’m leaving on Tuesday night like I’ve planned and everyone can suck it and deal.

I really hope a bear eats her ass when they go camping. I hope it fucking rains every day they’re camping and mosquitoes descend like a plague of locusts. A crazy ax murderer that likes women that look like Walter Matthau would be nice too.

I’m afraid that I’m going to get to the end of this journey of raising the boys and just be like “wow, that’s it.” I need a family of my own. I need kids that will call me “mom” and give me hugs. Kids that I can raise how I want to. Kids that I don’t have to walk around on eggshells with because they aren’t *my* kids and OMG what if I do something to upset them and it gets back to the coaew?

25 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, vacation | | #