See the title? That is me being calm.

The carpets were cleaned on the 13th of this month. When they were done (and the carpet was still wet) they looked nice and clean. But they looked dirty again after they dried. So I called them to see about getting the front room redone. The appointment was for 9:00 and it is now 9:56. Usually, on Wednesdays, I don’t have anything going on but today have approximately eleventy billion things I need to take care of. I sit here waiting instead.

I used BidMyCleaning to find the maid service that came out a couple of weeks ago and the carpet cleaning service. Both things were done by the same cleaning company. It was $110 to get two living room carpets cleaned. I went back to the BidMyCleaning site to see what it would be to have one room done and it said $35 by the same people but that their minimum fee is $110.

On the invoice that the cleaning service sent for today’s carpet cleaning it says they are charging me a “special price” of $55 since it’s a redo. I think they should only charge me $35. I would use them again to clean the house but not for the carpet. Next time I have the carpet done, I’ll use a place that will come out and redo them for free if they aren’t clean the first time. It wouldn’t have bugged me if the initial price was more but for some reason, it bugs me that I’m paying to have them redone.

There were 2 living areas cleaned and the back one (not the main one) isn’t spotless but I’m not paying full freaking price to get both areas redone.

Okay. It is 10:05 and they are here. Sweety and I already moved all of the furniture out of the living room so they won’t have to take time to do that.

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1/29/9 10:17 p.m.
Okay, people. Thank you for letting me know that this crap is normal. I’ve been freaking out for several days now, worried that I had totally failed this parenting gig. Now that I think about it, they do thank other people and know to hold doors open for others and that sort of thing. So it is just me. I guess I can live with that.

Does anyone out there have a grateful child? I mean, a kid that consistently sometimes says “thank you” for the little things that you do or the little things that you go out of your way to get for them because it will make them happy? How about a kid that doesn’t roll their eyes at you when you tell them to read a book or play outside?

Are kids usually ungrateful or have I just failed as a parent? What the fuck do I do to fix this?

Look kid, I’m sorry that I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to watch t.v. for hours on end. I’m afraid that your chin is going to chap from that thin thread of drool that is on it. The fact that all of your friends call you “ESPN” because you always know what’s going on in the world of sports isn’t a good thing.

Other child o’ mine, you have got to quit raising your voice. It makes me want to die. I am not kidding. When I hear you start that screaming whine at your brother, for just a moment, I think of plucking my heart out and squeezing it like a grape so it will all be over. I don’t like wishing for a vital organ to pop.

They are in bed. They are quiet. Yay.

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Thank you, sweet tiny baby Jesus who doesn’t possess the motor skills necessary to grasp a pencil.

BB has hammered out a 1500 word paper about Harry S Truman. It needs to be polished and some spelling needs to be corrected but I will take care of those things tomorrow night. He will pick it up before his mom drops him off at school on Tuesday.

Sweety and I have both spoken to him about how waiting to the very last second is not an acceptable way to do school work. I had never had a serious conversation with him before (I’m usually too pissed to speak straight and tell Sweety what I want him to say for me.) and think I got his attention. I do not think this sort of thing will happen again. *knock on wood*

Nobody was harmed during the production of this school project.

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BB is still working on his project. He walks up to me and asks, “Do you want to see a picture of our new dog at mom’s house?”

NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE A MOTHERFUCKING PICTURE OF THE DOG AT YOUR MOM’S HOUSE I WANT YOU TO GET YOUR ASS BACK THERE ON THE COMPUTER AND HAMMER OUT YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES PROJECT SO I CAN MAKE SURE IT’S RIGHT AND THEN I CAN GO TO BED!

Instead, I just said no and that I thought he needed to get back to work.

You people wouldn’t believe how many dogs and cats they have been through with the coaew. They run away. Or they have to give them away. They had a baby raccoon for awhile and it was left unattended in the grass and the dog killed it. Their last stepdad taught them that sometimes a dog just needs a good kicking to mind. I’ve told them that I don’t want to hear any animal stories from their mother’s house. I guess she went and got them another dog this weekend and just texted them a photo of it. Eh, I wonder how long this one will last.

They grouch that they need a dog here. That Tiny Dog and Stinky Dog aren’t really “their” dogs. That it’s “not fair” that I might get another Chihuahua or small dog. Tough shit. You are here half of the time. Who is going to take care of them when you are not here? Me & Sweety. No, thank you.

Good grief, I am such a fried cunt today.

I’m sorry, internet. Next time you see me, I will be shooting rainbows and cotton candy out of my ass.

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After the boys were delivered yesterday morning, BB immediately went over to the computer and started surfing the internet and typing away for dear life. The reason? He has a Social Studies project that is due on Tuesday. He found out about it before Christmas break and just started on it. When Sweety asked him why he waited this long, his reply? “Well, I told you two about it when break started.” WTF? Is it my mother grabbing job to tap dance on your head and make sure you keep up with your shit? You spent all Christmas break bitching about being bored and it did not enter your pea brain that maybe you should work on your project?

So he continues typing away and tells us that he has to do a 500 word report. It appears that he’s getting there and we leave him alone.

Sweety bowled yesterday and I went with him so I wouldn’t have to sit at home and glare at BB for being a little sloth. I decided that it would be my “cheat day” on my diet. I love bowling alley food almost as much as I love carnival food. Wait, that’s a lie. I love carnival food WAY more than bowling alley food but I didn’t have a carnival that I could go to. Anyhoo…

By just after noon, I had swigged back enough tequila on my nearly empty stomach to put me three sheets to the wind. I was eating a plate of nachos with Sweety. I had half of an ice cream sandwich. Life is good.

I get in the car and sleep it off on the drive home.

We get home and after I read the rules for the project, realize that it needs to be at least 1500 words. I had to show BB this, in print, several times before he believed me. He had not even read the packet of instructions. *insert bloody thump of my head against the wall here*

I went and laid in the bed at about 9 last night just because I was feeling so very unsociable about the whole thing. And maybe I was a little hungover too. Usually, Sweety gives me a hard time if I take a nap but I explained that I wasn’t napping, I was just saving the house from my presence.

We got up this morning and went to the bookstore (and bought fucking books because the library was closed. I will whip the cost of books out of BB’s hide.) for books about Harry S Truman and he read them and has been working on the paper all day. He showed me his “finished” project a bit ago and it is exactly half as long as it needs to be. I went over it and asked him some questions that he could find the answers to and write about to lengthen it up.

I have spent much of my at home time today in the bed, wadded up with Tiny Dog. It was ignore my family or eat a whole bunch of stuff while stomping around the house. Sweety knows that I like to eat when I’m annoyed (or happy, or sad, or bored) so he has been kind enough to leave me be.

I don’t care if he is up all stinking night long and types his fingers to bloody nubs. I am not bailing him out on this one. I will go over it and make sure that things are spelled correctly but that is it.

Oh! He just brought it back to me and he has 881 words. A wee bit shy of 1500, eh? Oh, the sighs that I get to hear as I deliver the word count to him! It’s like angels singing! Harelipped angels with emphysema.

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I freaking overslept this morning and the boys got to school late. Argh. School starts at 8:51 and I woke at 8:57. I set my alarm clock incorrectly. We managed to get out of the house and to the school by 9:08. I’m embarrassed. I hate to be late for things. I have been known to NOT GO to something if I’m going to be late. If you look at my work record, you will see that I have NEVER been late. Absent perhaps, but not late. I was tempted to tell the boys they could stay home today (today is the day that school lets out an hour early anyway) but figured that Sweety would cut my head off if I did that.

An asshole seller on eBay has burned me. I won an auction for a camera about a month ago and it was never sent to me. PayPal did give my money back. That was nice. But I really wanted the camera. On the same night that I won the camera, I bought a lens for it from an online store. The time frame to return it passed while I was still waiting for the camera to arrive. I sold the lens on eBay this weekend. I give up. I’m not ready to pay the retail price for a big boy camera. Meh. The dogs’ retinas thank me.

Sweety tried to fix our t.v. awhile back and it didn’t work. For the last month, we’ve watched a television that makes a sound like a plane taking off and the color on it was almost black and white. Unbeknownst to me, when we were out and about on Saturday, Sweety bought a new t.v. Brought it home last night, hooked it up, and voila! The color was still off. After much poking and prodding, we realized that some things weren’t plugged in properly at the cable box. But now we have a new t.v. And another giant t.v. that probably will work after buying a $100 part and making sure that it’s plugged in correctly. I don’t know what in the hell we’re going to do with that one. I think we should just take the new one back and try to fix the old one again but I have a feeling that my idea will not be met with open arms by the menfolk of the house.

Do you pass the hat at your job to get a gift for your boss at Christmas? I’ve been at this hellhole place of employment for 7 years now and have never been on a team where the people did that. Until this year. I didn’t get a stinking, fucking turkey sandwich when I worked on Thanksgiving but you people want me to contribute to the “buy the supervisor that makes more money than us – Oh! By the way! No more raises til the economy picks up!” fund? I’m seriously thinking of checking my name off the list when the envelope comes around but not putting any money in it. I stuck $10 in the envelope that came around yesterday for the lady on our team that is always baking cakes and bringing them in though. I like cake. I’m not a total tightwad. I like to prioritize.

We’ve put up more Christmas decorations and our anal neighbor is spinning out of control. Colored lights! Oh no! All we have up are a row of lights around the edge of the roof, a snowman and 3 things that you poke in the ground (they look like tree limbs with lights on them). After the addition of the tree limb things, he stood at the end of his driveway, looking at our house and shaking his head for a good 10 minutes, I kid you not. I spied on him through the kitchen window. When I was tired of spying, I opened the blinds and he scurried away. I REALLY like the tree limb things. I’d like to buy more and keep them up around the perimeter of the house year round. To keep dragons away. Heck, I’d even leave the snowman up. He is so cheery.

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