July 11th, 2011
Le Vomit
Oh, holy hell, people.
We went to a birthday party today. For a seven year old.
It morphed into the adults playing cornhole in the backyard.
When is a good time to leave the party? When you see that points in the cornhole game are being celebrated with shots of Jagermeister.
Who is conked out on the sofa right now? If you guessed Sweety – you win!
I drove home and by the time I got the car parked he was passed out in an unglorious heap asleep on the living room floor. I went to bed. I woke up awhile later to what sounded like a hippopotamus dying. It was just Sweety. Puking all over the floor. It looks like someone was murdered in the living room.
Yes. I’m looking at puke splashes as I type. All of this carpet is going to be ripped up and replaced within the next few weeks so I’m not cleaning it. I fought the dogs over it as I scraped up the chunky stuff (how weird is it that Oliver won’t taste alcohol out of a cup but he will tear up some Jagermeister and M&M infused upchuck?) and I’m just going to make Sweety cut out the soiled spots when he won’t cut off his finger because he’s drunk wakes up.
FYI – If you have an iPhone? A Ballistic case protects against submersion in puke! Sure, it was gross as hell to clean up for him (as he told me what a good woman I am. heh.) but at least the phone didn’t get fried.
I told him (during a brief conscious moment a bit ago) that he needs to get out of the house with his friends more. I think he was suffering from cabin fever and totally overdid it when he had the chance.
The best part? I get to wake him up at 3:30 a.m. to go to work. I fully expect to see a grown man cry.




