October 24th, 2009
Coming Clean
Let’s have a debt amnesty meeting!
Is that like library book amnesty where you take your overdue book back but don’t get a fine since they’re happy to get the book back?
Yes! You bring me all of your debt and I will not ask where it came from. I need to know how much you owe so we can fix this.
Okay!
I was at the computer, looking up credit card statements and scribbling numbers down on a piece of paper. We were going to have the meeting after supper. I was going to type up all of my numbers nice and neat so they wouldn’t look so threatening. I needed to go cook so I slid the paper into the laptop and closed it.
About 10 minutes later I heard a strangled cry from the living room. Oh, shit. He looked at the list before it was done! He came into the kitchen and whacked his head on the table a few times.
Hey! You weren’t supposed to look at the list yet! I’m not done with it!
WTF? You have MORE to put on here?!
No, no, no! I was going to type it up and make it pretty! So it wouldn’t be so shocking.
You can’t polish a turd.
After the meeting, (he did let me type things up along with how much money I bring in) I told him that I imagined that I felt like a Catholic after being in the confessional booth.
He said it was amnesty but his curiosity is getting the better of him.
Can’t say that I blame him. I’m nosy and would want to know where the money went but I can’t give him one good giant answer. It got pissed away. I have volunteered to order my credit card statements so he can peruse them. He just has to do it when I’m not around and then not say a word to me about anything he reads. He has not taken me up on the offer. I hope he doesn’t. It would be embarrassing.
WHAT did you buy? You don’t have anything BIG around here.
You said it was amnesty! You weren’t going to ask!
*crickets chirping*
I don’t know. Little stupid things.
Do you know how many little things you’d have to buy to amount to this?
Yes. If there’s one thing I’m good at – it’s spending money…I have my books to show!
But those books are a tiny dent in the mountain. So every time I asked you how you paid for something and you told me not to worry about it?
Yes. Think of every single time you asked that and there is your answer.
Oh my god. *insert more head banging here*
The last conversation took place as he was getting ready to shower. No matter how serious the conversation, I have a hard time holding in giggles while his back is turned to me and I can see his scrotum waggling around. It’s a mood lifter. I wanted to touch it but sensed that the time was not right.
Every now and then he’ll look at me and name something off that the money could have bought. So far, my favorite has been, “Dancing stripper clowns! You could have had them come to the house at least 3 days in a row and STILL had change left!”
We had a meeting like this awhile back but I strayed from our original plan. I’m serious now. I haven’t touched a credit card in a few weeks. I’ve got to get this shit paid off so I can entertain the idea of quitting my job for awhile and having a Chickie Junior.
