To Recap & Then I’m Forgetting This Shit

The incredibly messed up situation that we’ve been dealing with since July of 2012 when Sweety remembered some truly awful stuff that happened to him as a kid has drawn to a legal close. That closure happened weekend before last. It wasn’t quite the end we’d hoped for but at least it’s over. I’d hoped that when the legal part was over that everything would be okey-dokey around here immediately, but of course, that kind of thinking is a pipe dream.

Sweety felt better because he didn’t have to worry about the legal stuff anymore. I think I had a little bit of a meltdown with just trying to not be on edge after 3 years. I pretty much spent all last week hiding in bed while Sweety managed Bean. It’s a little over a week out and I’m thinking that things will get to normal around here. It’s been so long since it’s been normal though that I still feel on edge because I’m waiting for something to happen.

Right now Sweety is without a job. He has a phone interview tomorrow with a place he’d really like to work for doing something that he’s always wanted to do. I am sincerely hoping that it goes well. If it doesn’t, I’ve told myself that it’s a sign for me to go back to work while Sweety stays home with Bean. And I’ll be honest. I’d rather rub my eye with a tiny cheese grater than go out into the workforce and deal with people.

Excruciatingly slow progress is being made on the sale of my Mom’s house. We should have the paperwork to sign regarding that within the next week or so and it will be done. And then hopefully, Lintball will die in a fire. My sister and I finally got the amount we need to reimburse Lintball for insurance payments on the house over the last 2 years. It is highly likely that I will get a couple of dozen money orders totaling the amount due to send to him. Just so that fuckstick has to endorse each one. Depends on how much of an asshole I’m feeling like tomorrow. The forecast says that there’s an 85% chance of this.

Good Morning!

Sweet, tiny, colicky, baby Jesus…Why am I awake? Gah. Bean woke up at 2:30 to pee and I’ve been wide-eyed since then. I’m not bitching about having 4 hours of sleep though. That’s much better than no sleep because Bean is beside me trying to pet the skin off of the soft part of my arm. She is finally sleeping in her own bed! She wakes up once, maybe twice, a night to potty and then goes right back to bed.


Awhile back, we took the crib/toddler bed out of her room and put our old bed in its place. Tried to get her to sleep in there for months but she’d wake up all night long. We were lucky to get a solid 90 minutes without her waking up losing her shit. We wouldn’t have minded her sleeping with us if she’d let us sleep. Instead she’d spend all night rubbing or pinching us in her sleep and if the blanket wasn’t arranged just right then she’d scream about that. We noticed if she was asleep by herself in our room that she wouldn’t wake up. Our old bed felt like sleeping on a sack of potatoes so I thought maybe she’d sleep better in there if the mattress was more comfortable. Put a mattress topper on it and voila! Bean is happy with her bed. Little diva.

Friday was the last day of school for her and they had a play day. Pony rides, bounce houses, snow cones, and sprinklers. She was giving me the thumbs up because she was excited to get to play in the water at school.

Last day of school!

See her polished toes? Black glitter. I have a nail polish collection that’s ridiculous and the only colors she likes are black and a pink so pale that you can’t see it. I’m thinking of polishing her nails something colorful while she’s asleep and telling her that Tiny Dog did it for her.

We made it to Oklahoma and back without incident. The worst rain in forever has been going on there and it rained the whole time we were there. There was a window of a few hours where it wasn’t and we were able to go to the cemetery and clean up Mom’s plot. The house sale hasn’t been completed yet so I was able to check out the house. Lintball cleaned it out. Even took all of the appliances. The only thing left was a box in the shed with all of the cards that him and Mom got at their wedding. I was pissed off that he couldn’t be bothered to throw it away himself. I was greeted with a family of spiders in the box and was very tempted to send the box, spider family and all, to him in the mail.

Sweety started a new job Friday! Not in management. He’s being an ant and likes it so far. He said it’s nice to clock out and not have to think about work any more or deal with phone calls or business after hours. Hopefully, after he’s been there awhile and knows more about the place, they’ll have a management opening that he can get into though. Both of us are a little calmer now. With the new job and what we have saved, we will be okay for a little while. The person who hired him almost didn’t. Told Sweety he was overqualified and that he couldn’t believe that he was going to give Sweety a chance and hire him for the position. At the end of his first shift, the guy asked Sweety if he noticed anything they could do to make the warehouse run better. Sweety told him to give him a few days to check the place out more.

I feel really guilty that I’m not working now even though Sweety says he likes me being at home and able to hang out with the Bean. Sweety lost his mind the summer of 2012 and I was sitting at work worried that he was going to off himself and everyone around him and when Mom died it was too much and I basically stayed in bed for months. Now that I’m feeling betterish, I’m thinking that I should have just sucked it up and stayed at work. Too late now.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Today we had lunch at the T-Rex Cafe at Downtown Disney. Bean’s been there once before and loved it. Every 20 minutes all of the animatronic dinosaurs move around like they are alive. Not coincidentally, Bean lost her mind every 20 minutes.

Excited to be at TRex Cafe

Bean loves wearing her bracelet around the house and was very excited to find that she could wear it on her ankle.


She’s started riding that little bike all over the house. Sometimes she says, “Vroom!”. Cracks me up.

She kept a dry diaper today from around 2 p.m. until she went to bed at 9 p.m.! We put her on the potty throughout the day and she used it.

Trying to keep her amused.

The other day while I went to the grocery store, she stayed with the boys. She told BB, “Potty!” so he quickly put her on it and she did her business as everyone gave her high-fives and praise.

She loves to see herself on the camera.


My antisocialness has hit a new level. A friend left a voicemail last week saying hi and asking if I wanted to go out tonight. I didn’t call or text her because I was feeling like a grumpy asshole and couldn’t think of a good excuse as to why I couldn’t go. She left another message and I love her to pieces and figured I should pick up the damn phone and be sociable. Instead of making up an excuse as to why I couldn’t go out, I just told her the truth. That I didn’t feel up to the exertion it would take to hold a conversation. She understood. I’m glad. I could immediately quit worrying about offending her by saying no (She’s so nice I don’t think she’d really have been offended. It was just something to worry about.) and quit worrying that I’d accidentally say I’d go and then have to fret over interacting with people. I feel like a human slug.

I cooked the worst dinner EVER today. Beans and a pork roast in the crock pot with fried potatoes. Put it in last night and it was done this morning. It was just shit. The roast was so dry that you could use it to exfoliate your face and the beans were yuck. And I love beans. This is the first time I’ve thrown beans away in my life. I followed the recipe completely so this absolves me from the shittasticness of the meal. It was a bad recipe. Bean at the beans though so I kept some of them for her to dine on later.

I’ve been trying to not think about Mother’s Day being on Sunday but I’ve been a more-than-normal weepy mess this week and decided to just embrace the sads. Part of the reason I made fried potatoes tonight was they remind me of my Mom and Grandma. Theirs were always so good. Figured I needed to learn make them myself. Mine were not so good. Fried potatoes is probably not a dish that I need to make on the regular anyway.

Oh! BB has a job! In the kitchen of a H00ters. He starts Monday. It’s very close to where he will be going to school in the fall so he’ll be able to go to work easily after school. I can’t believe that he will graduate high school in a couple of weeks.

On Boys and Baby

Sweety is busy demonstrating how awesome he is. In the past 7 weeks:

He existed in the house with my mother and father (I hadn’t slept under the same roof with them in 20 years. There is a reason they’re divorced.).

He was home alone with Bean while Mom and I were gone and my Dad showed up with his lady-friend that none of us had ever met – we didn’t know he was bringing her to our house.

He’s totally okay with my niece living with us indefinitely.

He’s been okay with me having lots of company since Bean’s birth. We were home alone with her the first week but have had visitors ever since. I like that. The week that I was home alone with her, I had a giant case of The Weepies and I just looked at her and cried about who-knows-what every spare moment. I’m still a little off feeling and having someone around helps keep that away.

He surprised the hell out of me on Christmas. I’d told him that I didn’t want anything. On Christmas morning though there were presents for me under the tree – hand sanitizer, scissors and garbage bags. When cleaning up all of the present-opening carnage, Sweety told me to look under the couch and there was one more present for me there – a MacBook. He rocks.

Right now he is dancing around the living room with Bean telling her, “Your Mama couldn’t have done any better with you. Nope, she couldn’t have done any better than having a baby with me.” Heh.

I’ve gotta say – she is an awesome baby. The only time she really cries a lot is late at night when she’s tired. She goes right back to sleep after waking up to eat in the night and generally lets me lie her down when she sleeps during the day. I spend much time petting her while she sleeps.

Right now she sleeps with us at night in a basket that fits on our bed between us. My grand plan is to let her keep sleeping with us after she outgrows the basket but Sweety isn’t on board with that yet. He said he doesn’t want a kid sleeping with us forever. I told him it won’t be forever. I mean, she probably won’t be 13 and crawling into bed with us.

See this?


Notice the little fist in the top right? She’s screaming because she’s pulling her own damned hair. She likes to pet her head when she’s eating and this can happen way too easily.

Heh, something funny that happened with BB…He had told his girlfriend’s 13 year old sister that when the new Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn, came out that if she remembered to ask him that he’d take her to the opening showing that started at midnight. He was telling me about it and he was saying that he didn’t think she’d remember. I told him that she would definitely remember and she did.

The best part? BB’s girlfriend didn’t want to go see the movie at midnight because she didn’t want to be tired at school the next day so BB had to take her little sister alone. I kept calling him a creeper and told him that from now on when I see a guy on a date with a girl who looks way too young for him that I will assume that she’s his girlfriend’s sister and he’s taking her out because he opened his mouth and made a stupid promise. He hadn’t seen any of the Twilight movies and spent a couple of days watching them so he’d know what was going on. When I asked him the next day how the movie was with her, his only answer was, “Awkward. Very awkward.”

For the first New Year’s Eve in 17 years, I’m not drinking in the New Year. My beverage of choice tonight is Caffeine Free Coke. Usually I drink the caffeine-free and diet version but decided to walk on the wild side for New Year’s Eve. I’m really looking forward to what 2012 has in store for us.

Happy New Year!