You can click it to see the carefully edited photo in all its glory.
For the record, I do not lounge around naked with the dog (well, not without a blanket between us). She was being ejected from the bed.
I love the look on Tiny Dog’s face.
“My little sister is graduating from pre-k. She only had to go to school half a year! Only half a year and then you graduate from pre-k.
Mmm-hmm. That’s nice.
They’re having a party for her.
Really? That’s nice.
You wouldn’t believe it. It’s going to be huge.
Mmm-hmm. That will be nice.
No, really. They’re going alllll out. For her graduation.
Hey! When you learn to write your name and quit eating your boogers we’ll have a giant party for you, okay?
Huh?
Well, I mean, isn’t that great progress for a four year old? It certainly deserves a giant party.”
****
“Aunt Anna? You know, good people have good lives and bad people have bad lives.
No, sweety. That’s not how it works.
Yes, it is. We’re not talking about your life, Aunt Anna.
Look kid, I hate to break it to you but that isn’t how it works. Sometimes good people have bad things happen to them.
No! Good people get good things and bad people get bad things. That’s the way it is!
Well, that would be nice. But someday, you’ll notice someone bad have good things happen to them and someone good will have bad things happen to them. But if you think good people get good then you just keep being good, okay?
Okay. You know why? Why I’ll be good? I couldn’t live with the guilt on my conscience. It would make me feel bad to sleep at night.”
***
“If I get my teeth sealed will I still be able to chew gum?
Yeah. No, wait! You won’t be able to chew gum anyway when you get braces.
Gee, thanks for bringing that up. The dentist just said maybe I won’t need braces.
Um, kid…did you not hear him tell me that your teeth were crowded and ask if I needed a referral to an orthodontist and I told him that you’d just been to one last week and braces are coming in a few months?
Well, I hope I won’t have them.
Just call me the Dream Killer.”
“It’s like we’re running a damned zoo now.
But look at all the love! And they’re good doggies!
Hmph. Well, if we fall on hard times we can eat one and still have a full house.
Dude, if we fall on hard times? We will boil the preservatives out of Chi Chi’s body and then use the jerky for a stew! AFTER that, we will move on to the live animals.
Wow. You know, just when I think you can’t pipe up with anything more crazy…there you go.
Thank you!
I knew you’d take it as a compliment.”
Who wouldn’t want to receive this incredibly catchy e-card for Christmas? Completely safe for work.
I can’t get that song or the lipsticked camels out of my head. What the hell was American Greetings thinking?
For the first year since they’ve been divorced – the boys won’t wake up at our house on Christmas morning. The coaew decided this because they have siblings over there (and we don’t have any here) that it’s not fair for Santa to visit them (the other siblings that believe in Santa) on Christmas Eve morning as he has in the past.
To put it mildly. I am fucking pissed. Kind of makes me wished I’d jumped on the baby bandwagon so our family would be “equal” to hers.
Sweety had called her to work out what time he’d get them Christmas Eve night or if she was bringing them over when she made the announcement. He tried to talk to her but ended up getting pissed off, telling her “whatever” and hanging up while she was still yammering away.
When he first told me I just started to cry. She gets them on Thanksgiving and we do on Christmas. This is just how it’s been. She hadn’t told the boys about it because BB asked me today where they’ll be Christmas Eve (for some reason, he asks me this every. single. year. and I always tell him, “Here!” and he says, “Just checking.”.) and when I said, “Your mother’s house.” he gave me a sideways look. So I elaborated with, “She’s bringing you here Christmas morning or day or whenever it is she feels like it. Wasn’t my idea and I’m not a fan.” And he said, “Okay.” and shuffled on out of the room.
This is the only time I’ve ever said anything in front of him that would be taken negatively about his mother but I just couldn’t hold my tongue. Sue me.
Anyhoo. In INSANELY HAPPY NEWS!
Bekah (don’t let the sign-in scare you! sign-in and check out her adorable photos.) and her daughter Sam (aka The Artist) are coming to see me! The weekend before Christmas! I won two parkhopper tickets to visit The Mouse and Sweety was going to go with me but he can’t because of bowling obligations. I won them back in the summer and we’ve been meaning to go and just keep putting it off and the tickets expire at the end of this year. So Bekah and Sam are coming and Sweety is being an awesome guy and buying us two more passes so we can go two days! Yay! Sam isn’t three yet so she’s freeeeeeee! I like me some free.
Tiny Sammy hugs!
Very excited. I am very excited!
And!
My Mom, sister and fantastic niece are arriving on Christmas Eve! They will be staying until January first or second! I can’t wait to see my niece and tell her bedtime stories and hug on her! I love my niece more than I like to breathe. She is an awesomely odd human being.
See this? This is one of Bekah’s hedgehogs all decked out for Christmas.
Now, it is nice and festive but do you know what I think when I look at it?
Hedgehog coochie!!!
I’d like to gently poke it with a pencil eraser.
My ear feels itchy so I absently rub it.
It still feels itchy. More invasive action is required.
I poke in there and feel something.
*scratch* *scratch*
Out comes something tiny, white and wormlike on my finger.
Holy shit! I have a brain worm! Gag! Gag! I’m gonna die! This is only a tiny bit! The rest of it is still squirming around in my brain! AAAAAAGGGGHHH!
How am I going to get it OUT of there before I go crazy and start banging my head against the wall?
*insert horrified squeaks here, maybe some panicked tears*
Wait a minute…..
It’s plastic! Plastic from my earbuds that are disintegrating!
Phwew. That was a close call.
