Have you ever heard of Insane Clown Posse? All I knew about them was that my friend (17 year old neighbor) was a huge fan. I knew this because she had stuff with the hatchet man logo on them.

I didn’t know he was a little man with a hatchet until I went birthday shopping for her. I asked her Grandma what she might like and she said that she’d love anything with “the running man logo” on it. You should have seen the looks on the faces of the girls in the store after telling them I needed something with a red man holding a lightening bolt and they didn’t know what I meant by my verbal description. They knew exactly what I was looking for when I did my best profile pose mimicking what I wanted.

I found a baseball hat for her birthday and she loved it. I was pleased. I like getting people gifts that they like.

And now, Christmas is coming up and I was trying to figure out what to get for her and her sisters. I decided that I’d take her sisters (ages 12 & 14) parkhopping at The Land Of The Mouse and I’d ask her if she’d like to go see Insane Clown Posse when they have a show a couple of hours away from here next month. She wanted to go. Part of me kind of thought that she might not want to since I’m a grown-up but she said that I was a teenager at heart when I gave her an easy out to decline the invitation.

Unfortunately, I didn’t ask her in time to buy the really good tickets that gave you a chance to meet them. (Because I was fearing rejection.) It didn’t occur to me that these tickets would fly like hotcakes and I realized I needed to hurry up and ask her before they were all gone.

I borrowed all of the ICP CDs that she has because I feel like I need to have a tiny idea of what the hell I’m going to listen to. When she brought the discs over, she asked if I’d ever listened to them before and when I told her no – she said, “Well, it’s kind of different.”

Normally, on my way to work, I spend my time listening to National Public Radio shows or an audiobook. This morning I decided to dive into her music. Sweet, tiny baby Jesus who has never had his eardrums assaulted – there was nothing soothing about it. It’s some pretty fucked up shit. I’d never listened to music before that actually nauseated me. I have to admire them for that.

We’re still going to the concert. I’ve already bought the tickets and I will not be afraid!

P.S. Her grandparents know what kind of music she listens too (and despise it) and I asked them if she could go before I mentioned it to her. She’s a really good kid who has had one hell of a life. I wish she were mine.

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You can click it to see the carefully edited photo in all its glory.

For the record, I do not lounge around naked with the dog (well, not without a blanket between us). She was being ejected from the bed.

I love the look on Tiny Dog’s face.

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“My little sister is graduating from pre-k. She only had to go to school half a year! Only half a year and then you graduate from pre-k.

Mmm-hmm. That’s nice.

They’re having a party for her.

Really? That’s nice.

You wouldn’t believe it. It’s going to be huge.

Mmm-hmm. That will be nice.

No, really. They’re going alllll out. For her graduation.

Hey! When you learn to write your name and quit eating your boogers we’ll have a giant party for you, okay?

Huh?

Well, I mean, isn’t that great progress for a four year old? It certainly deserves a giant party.”

****

“Aunt Anna? You know, good people have good lives and bad people have bad lives.

No, sweety. That’s not how it works.

Yes, it is. We’re not talking about your life, Aunt Anna.

Look kid, I hate to break it to you but that isn’t how it works. Sometimes good people have bad things happen to them.

No! Good people get good things and bad people get bad things. That’s the way it is!

Well, that would be nice. But someday, you’ll notice someone bad have good things happen to them and someone good will have bad things happen to them. But if you think good people get good then you just keep being good, okay?

Okay. You know why? Why I’ll be good? I couldn’t live with the guilt on my conscience. It would make me feel bad to sleep at night.”

***

“If I get my teeth sealed will I still be able to chew gum?

Yeah. No, wait! You won’t be able to chew gum anyway when you get braces.

Gee, thanks for bringing that up. The dentist just said maybe I won’t need braces.

Um, kid…did you not hear him tell me that your teeth were crowded and ask if I needed a referral to an orthodontist and I told him that you’d just been to one last week and braces are coming in a few months?

Well, I hope I won’t have them.

Just call me the Dream Killer.”

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“It’s like we’re running a damned zoo now.

But look at all the love! And they’re good doggies!

Hmph. Well, if we fall on hard times we can eat one and still have a full house.

Dude, if we fall on hard times? We will boil the preservatives out of Chi Chi’s body and then use the jerky for a stew! AFTER that, we will move on to the live animals.

Wow. You know, just when I think you can’t pipe up with anything more crazy…there you go.

Thank you!

I knew you’d take it as a compliment.”

8 Comments | In: conversation, my brain needs bleach | | #