How do we know they’ve exchanged “I love you”s? His little sister overheard them when girlfriend was visiting him at his mother’s house and the coaew sent Sweety a text about it. It kind of got her panties in a twist. I told Sweety to keep his mouth shut about it because it wasn’t any of his business and that if he felt compelled to say something, to let BB see the text and let him know that things he says can be overheard by little ears. He took the second route. I knew Sweety wouldn’t be able to NOT say anything to BB about it because he is all kinds of nosy. But he did have a nice conversation with BB about it. BB told him that he wanted to have a relationship with someone like Sweety and I have. When Sweety told me that, I choked on my laughter and mentioned that BB had no idea what kind of weirdos we are. I’m glad that we’ve set a nice, fairly normal example for him.

Girlfriend seems to really like BB. Part of me wishes I hadn’t helped him send her a kickass birthday gift or insisted that he pays for everything when they go out. Maybe if he was a little douchey, she wouldn’t be so into him and he wouldn’t be knocking this Marine idea around. Thankfully, he won’t be 18 for another year.

I’m just keeping my mouth shut. It is hard.

The kids all wandered around the mall looking for school clothes and would text me when they found something so I could come pay for it. I occurred to me that I was just a walking wallet. It was interesting to see the clothes that BB picked out with his girlfriend around. Nicer stuff than the normal t-shirts that he wears. Shirts with collars!

BB told me last night that his girlfriend is coming over to our house today. Our incredibly messy house. Our house with the boys’ mattresses in the livingroom and furniture scattered everywhere and concrete floors. Sweety is working at a football game tonight and he’s taking them to the game so she’s coming here after school. I don’t know where the hell they will sit.

Sweety just about has LB’s bedroom finished. Sweety is basically working on the house every spare minute. He gets up early to do stuff before work and stays up after I go to bed. The bathroom should be functioning by the weekend and the floor down in the front part of the house shortly after. Once we get the front part of the house done, we’ll move all the furniture stacked in the back part of the house to the front and start redoing the back part of the house and the Bean’s room.

We finally got the first part of the insurance money from the bank this week. Our insurance company had the check to us within 3 days of the water leak but it took 17 days for Bank Of America to get the funds to us. The check was too big for them to cash at the local branch so we had to mail it somewhere else where we’d been told they’d cut us another check payable just to us instead of us and the bank. We waited for the check and it didn’t come. Sweety called BoA and was advised that we needed to request the second check. Um, really? Don’t you think by endorsing the first check payable to us and BoA and sending it to BoA that they would know we wanted the money? Then they told Sweety they’d FedEx the check but they didn’t. And when we finally go the check payable to us from Bank of America and deposited it? They put a hold on the funds from their own check. In short, Bank of America can go suck a bag of dicks. A bag of dicks that have fallen off due to extreme leprosy – not pretty shiny dicks.

I’m fairly certain the Bean will be the only baby that I pop out. I’d always thought maybe I’d have a couple of kids but I’m really not loving dealing with doctors and trying to keep my worrywart self calm. There are a couple of tiny issues coming up with me health-wise that we have to watch carefully and this being pregnant thing is hard. I’m on some new medication for my blood pressure and it makes me feel really weird but it’s necessary. (The title? One of the side effects of my new medication. It’s all I can think right now. Tingletingletingle. I keep grabbing handfuls of it to gently yank. I’ll be bald soon.)

If you had one of those wonderful, glowing pregnancies where you poop cotton candy and everything you touched turned to glitter – good for you but I don’t want to hear about it. And if one more person asks me if I’m constipated or if I have hemorrhoids yet (no and no, btw), I’m going to bend over and let them see my asshole. I swear, who asks that kind of shit? Apparently the random people I work with.

Speaking of work…I’m bidding on a new schedule that would have me working Monday through Friday from 5:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. This way, Sweety and I can manage watching the Bean ourselves. My fervent hope is to not go back to work after she’s born or not go back to work for very long but this way it can be done without me freaking out about leaving her with someone.

I will leave you with this gem that fell from Sweety’s mouth while he was talking in his sleep last night.

Santa Claus needs to fuck Mary Poppins. No…Little Bo Peep! Then when Mrs. Claus divorces his ass and takes his reindeer – he could use Bo Peep’s sheep to pull the sleigh! I wonder if it would take more than eight sheep to pull a sleigh?

Right before saying this, he muttered every curse word under then sun and then said, “It only hurts when you’re happy.”

I have a feeling that by the time he’s done doing everything that needs to be done to get the house back together that he will be fully batshit crazy.

We play fantasy football every year as a family and we’ve been doing it the last few years. It’s fun even though I know doodlysquat about football. I particularly like the weeks where my team wins even though I’ve done no real managing of my team and everyone else knows I’ve done nothing too. Heh.

This morning LB sent a text asking if it was okay to use a curse word in his team’s slogan. I told him that I didn’t care what they said at home as long as they don’t say it in public so in short – have at it boy. He texted me later and told me to go check out his team.

The Honey Badgers: The Honey Badgers Don’t Give A Shit!!

Yes, My heart swelled a little with pride.

We certainly have a fondness for the honey badger around here.

Yeah. That’s me sucking an imaginary bag of dicks. That’s about how useful I’ve been lately. I have a metric ton of stuff to blog about but a hard time getting it on here. That trip to Bekah’s four months ago? Yeah, that’s in my noggin. An awesome early gift that Sweety got me for our 10th anniversary? A kick-ass baby blanket someone made? Yes and yes. These things are all banging around in my head.

Oh. Speaking of these things reminds me that I have stuff that needs to be mailed. I dub NEXT Wednesday “get your ass to the post office day”. Let it be written. Let it be known.

And we found out what flavor the Bean is today! A girl! Yay! I’m so pleased. We’re going to name her Sunny, after my Mom.

On the 3rd of this month we took off on a road trip to see Sweety’s Mom in Massachusetts and we got home on the 13th.

We stopped along the way and visited Mount Vernon. There I learned that the Bowling Green wasn’t a nicely groomed lawn where George Washington entertained guests with some version of lawn bowling.

We spent a couple of days at Sweety’s father’s house. That was interesting. I was educated on the fact that I’ve been making sandwiches incorrectly. Apparently, you shouldn’t put mustard on the bread – you should put it on the meat. The look I got from my FIL as I continued to make my sandwich wrong was priceless. And what did the boys say after coming back from their canoeing trip with dear old grandpa? “Wow. We didn’t know grandpa was so racist.” Yes, boys…have an undiluted peeky-poo at grandpa. He’s a gem, eh? There’s a reason that Sweety speaks to him approximately once a year. He was even nice enough to ask if I was pregnant on purpose.

Sweety’s Mom took me maternity clothes shopping! It was great because I just got naked in the dressing room and Sweety ferried clothing back to me to try on. I was planning on just buying a bunch of giant men’s t-shirts to wear but I have to admit, I look better with clothes that fit. When we were visiting her, the boys stayed with her and her husband and Sweety and I were in a hotel. It was nice to be alone. Sweety learned that he can watch sports for two hours while I check out porn on my phone and then I will snap him in half after the lights go out. A good time was had by all.

Bwahahahahaha! I just got off the phone with Sweety and he relayed the following conversation to me. BB went to visit his girlfriend at her house for the first time today.

So, did you kiss her?

BB just smiles.

You did.

Yeah.

How do you know what to do? Do you practice or something?

I’m the master. I take notes.

Huh? How are you the master?

I’ve been watching you and Anna. You kiss whenever you see each other and when you say goodbye. So I figure that’s the thing to do.

I am now desperately hoping that BB didn’t lay one on the girl in front of her mother as he was entering and exiting the house. I’m afraid to ask.

Got no sleep Sunday night because I’d wake up needing to puke every hour and 45 minutes when the stuff I’d rubbed on my back wore off and ended up not going to work on Monday. I hid in the bed with a heating pad until everything started to feel a little better.

Now I’m living in fear that the pinched nerve will come back and fuck my day up.

The coaew sent Sweety some really awesome texts Sunday night! I’m glad that I was too occupied with myself to give them too much inspection. As it was, I read her drivel and laughed like a hyena and told Sweety to delete that shit because I knew I didn’t need to read it later when I had the energy to get good and mad. The boys had told us that they wanted to play baseball this summer. This would entail them being here a lot more than at her house and they were okay with that. (for the record, Sweety had a conversation with the coaew about summer baseball and she said if they wanted to play and be over here more that it was okay) We didn’t push them to play, just let them know they could if they wanted to. I guess LB said something to his mother about how it was too hot and he didn’t want to play (this was after he told Sweety that he wanted to try out). The fried cunt calls Sweety at work and is rambling on and when he tries to explain to her the conversation he had with the boys she tells him to not take it out on her if he’s having a bad day. So he hung up on her because it appeared that the conversation had run its course. That’s when the text messages started blowing up his phone.

The point she was trying to make (or I think anyway. it seems that her phone doesn’t have a spellcheck and she isn’t familiar with many basic grammar rules) was that just because the boys only saw her on weekends didn’t mean that they didn’t share information with her and that Sweety needs to not push them.

And she hopes when the boys are grown that they will see all she sacrificed for them. That bitch hasn’t sacrificed shit. I’m sorry that she married the first sucker that would have her and had to move an hour away from where they go to school and it’s not feasible for her to pick them up and bring them to school every day. (when it was suggested to her that the boys stay here during the school week – she sure didn’t have any alternate suggestion) She doesn’t sacrifice any time for them because if something they are doing interferes with her other life then they get shuttled to the side. She damn sure doesn’t sacrifice any money. She bitches that it would cost $5 for her to watch them play in a game but that dingbat has never paid for anything they do. The boys can thank me and my insurance for their straight teeth, thank you very much.

Dudes. Seriously. When the boys DON’T play sports? It’s a whole fucking lot easier around here. Does she think we LIKE running all over central Florida in the heat? Burning up gas and weekends to see them sometimes only play a tiny bit of a game? Honestly, I’d rather poke my bad eye out than deal with baseball season. Not to mention the money that’s involved with paying for them to play along with the equipment! We do it because they ask to play. There have been seasons where they didn’t play because they didn’t want to. BB is at an age where I think he really likes doing extracurricular activities because it gives him the chance to hang out with his friends. And LB is going into high school next year so if he makes this summer team – he will know some people besides his brother when school starts.

Anyhoo. Both boys said last night that they were trying out today. I expect if LB makes the team that the coaew will bitch to Sweety about making her kid play in the heat. Whatever. Oh! And the last text she sent after ranting? Was about how excited LB was that Sweety was going to mount his first deer.

I swear, if a fucking deer head shows up in the garage that I will eat its nose so it’s not pretty anymore and then wipe my ass all over it.