We are on vacation! LB, Sylvie, Tiny Dog and I hit the road yesterday and spent last night in Alabama. We’ll be here tonight too. Getting up early to head towards Texas. Then we will pick Sweety up from the airport on Friday! As of yet, we don’t know if BB will be coming or not.

His baseball team is doing well in their finals (is that what you call a baseball tournament? I dunno.) and if they win tonight’s game then he won’t be on vacation with us. He will stay w/his mom so he can go to the county-level championship game. I’m not happy about that. But his team has never gone this far and he’s been playing since he was able to hold a glove so I can see why he’s so excited about it.

I’m sorry that BB didn’t make the trip with us but not too sorry because LB and Sylvie are having such a large time together. I don’t think they’d be getting along so well if BB was here. We’ve played lots of games, went to some historic places and they’ve developed their own secret handshake. So far, the trip is a success!

I realized this morning that I live for summer vacation. All year long, I go to hell work and spend all day long looking at my calendar that has my vacation days marked off. I really don’t give a damn about much else that goes on in the year in the way of holidays.

And I also realized yesterday as we were in the car and the kids were being little goofs – that I really like my life. The 40 hours a week that I go to work kind of crush me but the rest of the time? Very good.

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Have you ever had a moment with your kid where you had the opportunity to have a nice, this-could-be-important, kind of talk and just blew it? I think I did that today. Sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth am not so eloquent.

I told you all about LB shooting birds at his mother’s house. Well, today I brought it up.

He asked if he could play his Playstation game. (Call of Duty. It’s a soldier on a mission kind of game.) He’s been playing these kind of games forever and when I found out he was hunting – I almost got rid of them all because I feel like I contributed to him thinking it was okay to kill birds because I let him play games where he kills people. But Sweety wanted to keep the games. LB hadn’t asked to play them in forever so I figured he was done with them anyway.

I told him he couldn’t play the game and hoped he would forget about it. He didn’t. A couple of hours later he asked again if he could play it. I told him yes and followed him into our bedroom (where the game system is) and closed the door behind me.

Immediately he looked at me warily because that was odd behavior.

Look. I’m just going to ask you about this. I know you kill – hunt – birds at your mom’s house.

*he quit moving like a deer in a spotlight*

Do you do that a lot? Is it like a regular thing? Do you eat what you kill?

Yes, but not a lot.

Do you eat what you kill?

Yes.

Well, I found out about it a few weeks ago and it totally freaks me out that you think it’s okay to kill birds. I’m afraid that because I let you play these kind of games that that is why you think it’s okay to kill a bird.

Oh, no! It’s not that! (now that I think about it, the fact that his mother’s new husband is a big hunter with guns and taxidermied animals all over the place and he has the boys set up salt licks for deers – those things probably have a lot to do with it.)

And here is where my talk just veered off into gibberish and bribery…

So-what-can-i-do-so-you-won’t-want-to-kill-birds? (that was one breathless rush of words that ended in a squeak.)

At this point, I can tell that he is trying to just keep me calm. Like, this crazy bitch has just locked me in this room with her and is on the edge.

Nothing – you don’t need to do anything. I just won’t do it, okay? (this was said in a very calm, even voice. the kind of voice you’d use when trying to keep someone from jumping off of a building.)

I’m not telling you to not do it. (because god help me if he tells his mother that I told him to not hunt) I’m just saying I don’t think it’s nice. I mean, the bird…he leaves to find food for his family and then “boom!”. You blow his little body out of the sky. (here I pantomimed a little feathery bird. quite a feat.) He never comes home. His wife and kids worry and are sad, you know?

Yes, I know.

Okay. Play your game.

26 Comments | In: coaew, sprogs | | #

Three cheers for the weekend! Yay!

I’m killing time before starting the baseball game run today. LB has one at 2 and BB at 4. BB and I will leave LB’s game early in order to get to his on time. Hours in the sun…getting my vitamin D.

BB is going to be a freshman next year and had applied to get into this career oriented program and they only accept so many kids. He got in! Yay! He’s decided that he wants to be a firefighter and this course is geared towards getting your EMT certification which is something you need to be a firefighter. I’m glad that he’s decided to not pin his whole future on being drafted into the NFL and living happily ever after.

The acceptance letter came in the mail on Thursday and Sweety took it with him to LB’s baseball game that night to give to BB. coaew saw it and was all, “what is this?”. WTF? She was invited to go with BB & Sweety when he checked out the program and didn’t go with them and this is alllllll that BB has talked about for the past few weeks while he waited to find out if he got in. I think she is clueless as to what the boys are interested in.

BB brought a form to me on Wednesday night and it was a permission slip to go to one of the theme parks as an eighth grade graduation celebration. It’s at night and is only open to middle schoolers and your school has to be registered to attend. He said the form had to be turned in with the money for it the next day. I asked him when he got it and he said a couple of weeks ago but he couldn’t decide if he wanted to go or not. He asked me what I thought about him going.

I told him I’d rather he didn’t go because I’d like him to stay safely at home til he was at least 30 but that I thought he should go because he’d probably have a lot of fun. So Sweety wrote the check and BB turned it in on Thursday.

Thursday night at the baseball game, coaew told Sweety that she needed to be consulted before BB did something like that. It worried her that it was at night and he could do something to get in trouble. WTF? Is this the same fried cunt that would leave BB at home at 11.5 years old to babysit his 3 siblings aged from around 1.5 to 9 while she hit ladies night at the bar that was an hour away? Fuck you, fried cunt. F. U. C. K. Y. O.U. I am not a forgiver or a forgeter. (yeah, forgeter. that’s my own damn word!) She doesn’t realize that BB is less than 4 years away from being pushed out of the nest to do his own thing. Might be a good idea to build a bit of independence before then.

I told BB if he was smart that he’d save money and buy a fast pass for himself and one extra to give to the hottest girl he saw waiting in line so she could skip it with him. I am full of great parenting nuggets.

10 Comments | In: coaew, sprogs | | #

**ELAINE? ARE YOU READING THIS? YOU CAN GO ON AND SKIP THIS ONE.**

LB hunts at his mother’s house. Birds. With a bb gun. Sweety said something to the coaew about it and she said that LB enjoys it. She says he eats what he kills. I say he can’t be so fucking hungry that he needs to shoot tiny birds out of trees. I saw a photo of him online, smiling from ear to ear, gun across his body and a bird the size of a tiny rat with feathers in his hand. She said he ate it. I don’t believe her and I don’t care if he did eat it. I think it’s one thing to hunt for food. He’s not hunting “for food”. He’s killing birds. I threw up when I saw the photo.

He told me a few weeks ago that he built 3 bird feeders for the trees in the yard over there. I wonder if they’re like salt licks for deers? Get them in the habit of coming by for some grub so you can blow them out of the sky?

It makes me sad.

I’m just totally freaked out by the whole thing. I can’t even look at him right now. I want to ask him if the bird was tasty. I have told Sweety that I’ll never hear another word out of LB’s mouth at dinnertime if he doesn’t want to eat something. If you can pick a bb out of a feathered rat’s ass and eat it then you can damn well eat anything I cook.

My sweet Mom happened to call today when I was in the middle of freaking out over the bird killing thing. Somehow, the conversation turned to religion. I’ve come out of the closet with my Mom. She’s knows I’m an atheist now. I told her I have morals because they are the right thing to have. Not because I want to go to heaven. She said that she would still pray for me and I told her that was fine.

In other news, here’s where baby chihuahuas REALLY come from.

24 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, sprogs | | #

If you have kids and they have fundraisers do you peddle their wares at your workplace? I don’t. When someone comes at me waving a catalog of candles or knick-knacks I tell them that I don’t buy things at work and that they won’t find me in their face pimping things when my kids are selling.

There are just too many people at work with kids selling stuff. I bought something from someone many, many moons ago and when my kid was selling whatzits, I thought she would reciprocate and buy from me but she did not. That made me mad. Did she really think I needed whatever it was I bought from her kid? No, no I did not. Hence the “I don’t buy and I won’t be selling” rule.

I know that when kids are selling crap for school that the school only gets a tiny portion of the profit. I donate to my kids’ class instead. I figure the teacher gets more to work with that way and I don’t have a bunch of stuff that I don’t need.

BB’s FFA organization is having a carwash in a few weeks and tickets are $5 each. You get a carwash and chicken dinner from the restaurant whose parking lot they are using to wash the cars. Sweety is bugging me to sell 10 tickets at work and doesn’t believe me when I tell him what I’ve told people that want to sell to me. “I don’t even want to look at your catalog. Thank you though. I don’t sell my kids’ stuff here and I don’t buy anyone else’s.” For real, Sweety. I say that. So I can’t go in and try to sell things.

I’m just going to buy all of the damn tickets myself.

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I’m sitting on the bed cross-legged, Indian style (feather not dot). Tiny Dog is nestled in the space between my legs. A pillow it on top of her and the laptop is on top of the pillow. This is probably the best sitting position EVER.

I was feeling not too hot this morning and stayed home today. There are people here cleaning the carpet so I’m hiding in the bedroom with the canines.

I think after the carpet is cleaned that I might have to sacrifice the dogs. They really stink up the place.

Wait. I’m in the process of making Tiny a Twitter page. I should probably keep her around so she can contribute to that.

LB had a special breakfast at the school this morning because he had an A in all of his classes for the last period. You had to RSVP in advance. The coaew told Sweety she wanted to go when the invitations came in a couple of weeks ago. Last night, she told him that since he was going that she wasn’t. She dropped the boys off here early this morning and I went with Sweety. She is such a fucking idiot. Sweety said that he started to tell her that LB would probably really appreciate it if she went but he didn’t because she should know that. Do you know how hard it is for me to not run over and smack her head on the ground and rub her nose of on the concrete on the rare occasion that I lay eyes on her? Hard. Very hard. She looks like Walter Matthau. It would be hard work to make her head smooth on the sidewalk.

Oh. Sorry. Off on a tangent there. Ahem.

It was neat to see him get his little award. We weren’t even aware they had such a gathering at the school because BB has never gotten all As on his report card. I made the mistake of saying that. LB heard me and told BB as soon as we got home. Maybe it will motivate BB to be less lazy. He says that people who get good grades are nerds. I tell him better being a nerd than a ditch digger when you grow up. (no offense to any ditch diggers out there)

The contest for free maid service for a year ends tonight and the winner will be announced tomorrow. I would like it if you all would send thoughtbeams to ensure that my name is picked out of the hat. That would be fantastic! The contest was originally supposed to end on the 11th with the winner announced today but it was extended to give people who had attended Blissdom (whatever the heck that is) a chance to enter too. I say too damn bad if you were gallivanting at Blissdom and missed the boat to enter. But it’s not my contest. Send thoughtbeams to me anyway.

11 Comments | In: coaew, daily blah, sprogs | | #