I don’t know how many more times I can come home from work and find the human sloths (aka LB and BB) sitting on the couches, t.v. blaring, food dishes around, chores half-assed done – without losing my shit in a serious way. Sweety had a “meeting” with them a couple of weeks ago but the laziness has returned. He told me that he’d had a talk with them so what good would a talk from me do?

I won’t have a talk. I’ll have a meltdown where electronic items are broken, beds are flipped over and clothes that are on the floor are burned on the porch. I told Sweety I’m about a third of the way to my batshit crazy episode if things don’t improve. Nobody here has seen me batshit crazy yet. I am a very patient person on the outside.

And if I hear one more time any whining about the precious Playstation 3 system being broken? I am going to take that thing into the garage and beat it with a sledgehammer. Then I will come in and sell all of their games on eBay with a starting bid of one penny.

I wouldn’t be so mad about the PS3 if it weren’t for how it was broken. Long story short, the boys were playing and LB got pissy because he was losing so he just flipped the power switch off instead of shutting it down properly. That PS3 was purchased by Sweety and I to play in OUR bedroom and we were kind enough to let the sprogs use it. And that was what happened.

So, excuse the shit out of me kid. I’m sorry that you’re upset because you can’t play your game under the glaring t.v. while getting a sunburn from the television light because you were being a brat and broke it.

It doesn’t help that LB spends at least half of his waking time with a sullen expression on his face and a surly little attitude. What the hell do you have to be bitchy about? Is it just because he’s 14? Can someone tell me when will this shit end? Does it? I need a timeline!

Their birthdays are coming up within a couple of weeks and they are fretting because they don’t know what they want. I told them that maybe that was a sign that they didn’t need anything if there wasn’t something they could name off of the top of their head. I want to buy them each a bucket full of cleaning supplies. Wouldn’t that be fun?

21 Comments | In: grouching, sprogs | | #

Maybe I needed to barf that last post out because I woke up yesterday feeling okay for the first time in a long time. To make it better – I got off work early! It was slow so they were letting people off if they wanted.

I took the opportunity to go back to my doctor’s office to get the fucking cough that’s been around since August tended to. He gave me something that will hopefully stop the coughing (He said it might take a few days to work. whatever. I’m not hopeful.) and I’m going to get a chest x-ray and scan of my sinus cavity. I told him that I didn’t think I’d ever poked a bean in there but maybe I had and it was festering and making me sick. I really hope they see something with all of this. Because if they don’t then I think I will cough forever.

And I stayed home today. *cough* *cough* I’m cleaning a little and realized that the vacuum is gone. Do you know how often I actively seek out the vacuum cleaner? Like once in a blue moon. I’m guessing that Sweety took it to work with him to clean up there.

Oh people, I almost wigged out on the boys yesterday. I got home an hour early. Sweety wasn’t home. (The boys had to walk home from school a couple of days this week because he couldn’t get off in time to pick them up.) BB is in the front yard playing basketball (um, how many times have I told them to stay inside the freaking house if they’re home alone?!) and LB is there with him, shoeless. (I have a big problem with them running around shoeless. This stems from the numerous times they’ve come home from the coaew’s house with cuts on their feet or other things that they’re bitching about that could have been prevented with foot coverings.)

I feel bad that they’ve been home alone and instead of cooking ask what they want. Taco Bell. We load up in the car and during the drive it comes up that they have not let the dogs out to potty since they’ve been home from school. I was immediately so pissed off that I wanted to kick them out of my car and let them walk the last few blocks home. So you played video games in my bedroom while Stinky & Tiny howled their heads off in the adjoining bathroom and Oliver pranced at your feet? Poor Stinky Dog completely messed her bed and it’s been disinfecting all night.

For crying out fucking loud. I had no idea that I needed to tell them to let the dogs out when they came home from school. They know that they should do that!

They are going to be here this weekend and I knew if I freaked the fuck out that it would make the whole weekend shit. So I’m sweeping it under the rug. This weekend I am getting a dry erase marker and writing the things that I want them to do every day after school on the icebox. They will probably get more chores than they would have yesterday morning because I’m still pissed about them ignoring the dogs.

Tonight I’m going to put on my glitter eyeshadow and ride with Sweety to the bowling alley where I will probably drink a lot and subject everyone to my music on the jukebox. I’m beyond ready!

The reason I’m able to wear my glitter eyeshadow? I’ve been thinking for two weeks that I lost my whole makeup box but noticed it when I was taking the above photo of Oliver. I’d just stashed it away for some odd reason.

8 Comments | In: canines, daily blah, sprogs | | #

I absolutely can not stand a thief or a liar. (But, then again, who likes them? Heh.)

There is just no way to excuse these things in my book. And my book isn’t very big. Don’t lie or steal or kick animals or trip children or be mean in general. It IS okay to make faces at the loud child sitting in front of you on an airplane though. My book also gives you leeway when it comes to a coaew too.

BB found a wallet at the school baseball field yesterday. There was no name inside but there was $10. He asked me when I got home what he should do with it. Well, duh. Turn it in at the front desk at school. He then asked me if he should return the money too. WTF? Uh, yeah.

It kind of gets to me that he would even ask me these questions.

He told me today that he did turn it in and I told him that that was the right thing to do. Wouldn’t he like it if someone found his wallet and turned it in? He then told me that he didn’t think there was another kid at the school that would have done it. I told him he just put points in his Karma Bank for future use.

Now, it is a fantasy of mine to find a sack stuffed full of cocaine dusted twenties but if it doesn’t look like it came from drug dealers that aren’t smart enough to hang onto their money then you should turn that shit in.

14 Comments | In: sprogs | | #

When I come home from work to barking dogs and LB is yelling at the barking dogs – I want to stab myself in the head. Repeatedly. I literally had to bite my tongue to not shriek, “Whatthefuckareyoudoing? DoyounotHEARYOURSELF?!” About that time, Sweety walked up and mentioned that I looked on edge and proceeded to give me a shoulder rub. I was so tense that it made me scream. Not a good kind of scream either.

Oliver? The best dog ever? Who has only been with us for nine days? Has already learned to ring the bell that is hanging from the doorknob with his nose when he needs to go potty. Perhaps Stinky and Tiny will follow his lead. Highly unlikely. AND he will roll over on command and when you give a short whistle he’ll flop onto his back to show you his belly. He is made of awesome.

I nibbled off all of my nails today at work. It gave me something to do and by the time I was done almost 2 hours had passed. Maybe tomorrow I will pluck my eyebrows off to help pass the time.

Something I like? Getting a nice email from someone saying that they liked my photos and they did NOT include a photo of their penis or mention whacking off. Very civilized.

18 Comments | In: canines, randomness, sprogs | | #