I’m implementing something new. I’m not bending over backwards to make it to the boys’ baseball games or jump to get them whatever the latest gadget is that they’re wanting. They want something or they want to go on an outing – I’m referring them to Sweety. I make them mind and do chores but they know that if they really want something that I’m the person to ask about it. I admit that I’ve been the “fun” parent because I want them to like me.

They are never going to love me like they do their parents and it’s making me tired to try and be a supermom when I’m not super or a mom. I’ve spent 8 years going out of my way to be at every game and chaperon every field trip that they needed me on.

I have discovered something more embarrassing than telling a man that you love him and he says nothing – saying it to your stepsons and they say nothing. I know they can squeak it out. I hear them tell their parents all of the time. I used to tell them that I loved them when I tucked them in at night and they never said it back so I quit saying it. A few weeks ago, I thought that was no reason to not tell them since I do. But since it’s just followed with awkward silence – I give up. I know the boys love me but it’s frustrating that I put forth as much effort in all around raising them as their mother or Sweety and I’m not the same.

Last Saturday, for the first time ever – I didn’t go to a baseball game when I would have been able to. I had company and I just really wasn’t relishing the idea of sitting at the game for 3 hours with the coaew a stone’s throw away. And the world didn’t end. The boys didn’t even wonder where I was.

This weekend’s game is going to be a dramafest. They play about an hour away and they have a wedding to be in on their stepfather’s side of the family that evening. After the game, Sweety has to meet the coaew somewhere with the boys. I know what the day will be like.

They’ll get beat in the baseball game. Sweety will be annoyed. The boys will be pissy. The coaew will be calling or texting constantly trying to find out where they are. I will be pissed off that we’re having to take them to meet her because she didn’t come to the game. It’s her time with them. Yes, she has a wedding that night but if they have time to go to the game then why the fuck can’t she take them?

So I told Sweety I didn’t want to go. I have absolutely no desire to even be around the aggravation that will ensue if the game runs into overtime or Sweety can’t meet her at the appointed time. Or if he shows up at the meeting place and she isn’t there yet.

He said that he’d like for me to go but understands why I don’t want to. And guess what? I’m not having any anxiety about this Saturday since I’m avoiding it. If I was going, I’d spend all week dreading it.

I also told Sweety that I probably won’t be going to their games if he isn’t there. I’m uncomfortable being around the coaew and even more so if Sweety isn’t around to talk to.

That flaming twatwad called him this weekend to ask what size pants did BB wear because she needed to buy him dress pants for the wedding. It wouldn’t have been so bad but BB was at her house. On the couch. Watching t.v. He didn’t want to miss the football game on t.v. to go shopping so she was calling for his pants size. WTF? How hard is it to either A) Tell him to get his ass up because he as to go or B) See what size pants are on his ass? Gah. Sweety let the call go to voicemail and didn’t bother calling back.

Basically, I’ve decided if something extracurricular is going to stress me the hell out or make me want to cry then I’m not doing it.

23 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, husband, sprogs | | #

There’s a little update at the end of the last post. I didn’t put it up here because I don’t want to look at it. I’m going to try and start leaving work at work. I’m thinking of wiping myself down with baby wipes in the bathroom there before I leave to symbolically wash the shit off.

Do you listen to books on tape or audiobooks? I have become addicted to Scott Sigler. I used to worship at The Altar Of Stephen King but no more. Seriously, click on over there and download one of the free audiobooks. Ancestor and The Rookie are my favorites so far. He’s doing a tour to pimp out The Rookie and I am so there. Sure, I preordered my book long ago and requested that he sign it but won’t it be so much cooler to have him sign it again in person? Or is it just stalkercrazy? Sweety says stalkercrazy with a dash of aren’t you a fucking nerd? I don’t give a rat’s left nut. I’m going and if nobody can go with me I’ll go alone and sit against the wall like a weirdo.

School started Monday and it looks like we’re doing things a little differently this year. Instead of the boys being here half the week and then at the coaew’s, they’re going to be here Monday through Friday. She will pick them up from school on Friday and take them to school Monday morning. So we won’t have them every other weekend. Sweety brought the idea up to her because if we kept the schedule as it is, LB would be getting up at 5:30 or so but doesn’t have to be at school til 8:30. He’d have to get up so early because BB’s school starts at 7:20 and their mom lives about 45 minutes away. Of course, the conversation he had with her wasn’t drama-free but at least she sees it’s better for the boys.

Anyhoo. It has been settled. Unless she changes her mind. But I don’t think she will.

* The title has nothing to do with any of this but that song has been in my head for a week now. I may have to sing it to you like the last one. Sweety has even been singing the ant song with me and LB chimes in when he hears me muttering it to myself. Insanity: It’s a family affair!

12 Comments | In: coaew, randomness, sprogs, woot! | | #

“The coaew called to see if BB needed a Gatorade at his game today.

What? Why the fuck does she care? Has she even seen a fucking game this season? Did you tell her he didn’t need anything now – what he needed was a ride to all of the practices he missed while at her house because it was just too hard for her? (It’s nice that other shit is easy for her – like gym memberships and tanning. Flaming twatwad.)

No.

Well, since she’s gracing the world with her presence at tonight’s game….tell her I said “hi!” and give her a little kick to the coochie for me, okay?”

She puts on such a front that it makes me want to fucking vomit.

See this photo? That’s Sylvie pretending to touch the plane.

What were the words that came out of my mouth as I got ready to take the photo? “Don’t touch anything!”

Is anyone surprised that I’m sitting here, looking at Tiny Dog, wondering if the paper cupcake liner that Sylvie accidentally fed to her while taunting her will pass through her system okay? If you’re wondering, it takes less than a second for Tiny Dog’s needle-sharp teeth to snatch a cupcake wrapper out of a small hand and to gobble that thing down.

I just gave her a couple of french fries in the hopes that they will help push things along. It is also pouring down rain. I may make the niece take the dog out to potty when she cries to go out later.

7 Comments | In: Tiny Dog, coaew, sprogs | | #

We are on vacation! LB, Sylvie, Tiny Dog and I hit the road yesterday and spent last night in Alabama. We’ll be here tonight too. Getting up early to head towards Texas. Then we will pick Sweety up from the airport on Friday! As of yet, we don’t know if BB will be coming or not.

His baseball team is doing well in their finals (is that what you call a baseball tournament? I dunno.) and if they win tonight’s game then he won’t be on vacation with us. He will stay w/his mom so he can go to the county-level championship game. I’m not happy about that. But his team has never gone this far and he’s been playing since he was able to hold a glove so I can see why he’s so excited about it.

I’m sorry that BB didn’t make the trip with us but not too sorry because LB and Sylvie are having such a large time together. I don’t think they’d be getting along so well if BB was here. We’ve played lots of games, went to some historic places and they’ve developed their own secret handshake. So far, the trip is a success!

I realized this morning that I live for summer vacation. All year long, I go to hell work and spend all day long looking at my calendar that has my vacation days marked off. I really don’t give a damn about much else that goes on in the year in the way of holidays.

And I also realized yesterday as we were in the car and the kids were being little goofs – that I really like my life. The 40 hours a week that I go to work kind of crush me but the rest of the time? Very good.

2 Comments | In: randomness, sprogs | | #