Poor Tiny Dog. Not only is there shame involved in The Wearing Of The Cone – it also keeps her from beer.

After Sweety finishes one, he’ll throw it across the room and Tiny Dog will rocket to it & spend all night trying to crack it open to get to the few drops left inside. When she was presented with a bottle that actually had stuff in it, she almost lost her mind.

Sweety does let loose with some cursing. He’d had a bit to drink and I had already chased him around the house while wielding Tiny as a weapon. So he was a little jumpy around her.

Here’s the link if you don’t see the video.

12 Comments | In: Tiny Dog, husband, moving pictures, toast | | #

I clicked on my Twitter account (you can see the updates in the sidebar) yesterday morning and realized that my father was following me. (I think my sister showed him her account and she follows me.) And since my Twitter profile leads HERE, I had a tiny heart attack. I immediately called him and told him that he should never click over here in order to preserve his sanity. I pretty much made my blog out to be something that would turn a father into a pillar of salt. He said, “Well, they say you shouldn’t put anything on the internet that you’re ashamed of.” I told him I wasn’t ashamed of anything here but wanted to save him embarrassment. He does not need to see my boobs. Or hear about me sucking Sweety’s weenie.

Then I went on a giant Twitter purge (if you haven’t talked back to me when I talked to you in the past few days) and block (if I knew you before this blog was born) and I feel cleansed now. I will now physically phone call more people so they do not feel that they need to follow me on Twitter.

I was a cunt hair away from killing Twitter and the blog.

Did you see the movie The Wrestler? We watched it tonight. I can totally see why it is taken as a good movie. But dammit, I like a happy ending. I would have been pissed off if we’d have paid to see it in the theater. I’m washing away the sadness with Pineapple Express. I’ve already seen it (in the theater!) but I like it. I might watch it AGAIN tonight.

Oh! The Rocker! I’ve got that and Sweety hasn’t enjoyed it properly. I’ll shove that down his throat after this!

…..a lot of time has passed since i wrote that last sentence.

In the meantime…

Tiny Dog bit the hell out of me because I was taunting her with a french fry. Bitch does NOT like her fries to be teases.

We are still watching Pineapple Express. Thank goodness for pause buttons.

Love is letting your Sweety have 2 cheeseburgers when you want one of them.

Love is still loving your Tiny Dog when she won’t eat from your mouth. I thought she’d like a bit of burger and fries since she begged for that shit but she refused. Sweety laughed while she snubbed me. That’s okay. I’ll still sneak her in the bed and sniff her toes.

And here is me 2 weeks ago ish (i fucking hate when people say “ish”, but Sweety does it so I do too.”

Please, pay no attention to my ruffled eyebrows. I wish I could photoshop those fuckers straight.

18 Comments | In: excuse me while i scream, saturday night gratuitous photo, toast | | #

Sweety and I are going out of town tomorrow night for a bowling tournament. It’s very close to Weeki Wachee so we might swing by and see a mermaid show. Or I might have too much beer at the bowling alley before his game is over and we’ll continue with that sort of fun. Who knows?

I was packing my bag tonight and couldn’t find a slip to wear under my dress. Totally tossed the house for it and it’s nowhere to be found. It must have went on vacation. Decided to go to Wal-Mart (at midnight. hahahahaha!) to get another one. There wasn’t one to be found. All they had were body shaper sort of things. I was delirious and ended up buying one. It’s like a tank top with shorts attached. You wear your own bra under it. AND THERE IS A HOLE IN THE CROTCH TO PISS THROUGH!!! When I saw it in the store, I immediately had to poke my finger in there to make sure I was seeing what I was seeing. I have a feeling that I will probably completely disrobe in the bathroom if I need to go. I don’t want to get any pee on me and be Super Urine Smelling Girl all night long.

When Bekah was here last week she had her waterproof camera. What you see here folks is cinematic gold. She’s in the first video and I’m in the last one. We were pretending to be shark attack victims. I died pretty quick. (links are here & here) (Or here & here)

You all have a good weekend!

27 Comments | In: toast | | #

I’m sitting on the couch while BB plays the slot machine game on pogo.com. He’s been dying to get a membership there for weeks now and I broke down tonight and signed him up for a free, two week trial. Haven’t heard a peep out of him in an hour. I will pay for rehab when he’s fighting a gambling addiction in 10 years. For the record, I also made him read a book today too so his brain wouldn’t rot.

Sweety & LB are at baseball practice for the next couple of hours. The house is clean and it smells good and it’s quiet. I am totally digging life right now.

I decided that I’d like a drink (Yes, I know I said I was laying off tequila but the bottle is open. It needs drinking.) of tequila but I didn’t want BB to see me doing it. (Though, he REALLY hasn’t moved off the couch in awhile. I’m sure he’s still breathing. He changed the t.v. channel a minute ago.) So I moved my bar into the bathroom. I really need a little icebox in there. And now the panic that likes to grip me the night before going back to work has been tamped down. Wootie woot!

You know what my problem is? I’m a dumbass and let my birth control run out. I thought there was another package in the cabinet but there wasn’t. So I haven’t gotten laid in a coon’s age. I am ready to come unglued. (Don’t worry. Sweety is still being tended to. I’m nice like that.) But! I found two condoms in our dresser drawer! I’m seriously going to get banged into next week tonight or else. It is entirely possible that Sweety will get fucked to death tonight. And then snapped in half and eaten.

Whoa. Tequila makes me mean.

22 Comments | In: toast | | #