This happens every year – about midway through our vacation I start to worry about work. That maybe I did something wrong and when I get back to work I’ll discover that I’ve been fired. WHY DO I DO THIS?

Is it because this is the only time of year that I don’t eat Xanax four times a week? Am I detoxing from that shit and extreme paranoia is a side effect? Gah. You know what? I don’t even have caffeine at work anymore because I don’t want to be alert when I’m there. I eat my little pill on the way to work and sleep with my eyes open all day long. And if something freaks me out during the day? Well, maybe I’ll take a bathroom break and chew one of those little blue bitches up on my way off the floor.

I’m already planning on going into work on my own time the day before I’m scheduled back to clear out email and anything that’s been left on my desk. This will also give me the chance to make sure all my passwords work so I’ll know I’m still employed.

Chickie went to bed and I’m avoiding the reality of 1. It’s past 1:30am and I have to get up at 7am and 2. I have to drive 12 hours home tomorrow… so here’s a teaser photo of some fun photos we took tonight.

Seriously, I’m going to bed right now.

Stealing blogs is fun, btw.

-bekah

If you know me in real life, don’t bother.

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Two people in Cubeville make me want to sharpen pencils and do horrible things.

There is this chick with a hyena like laugh. Help me. Not only does she have the laugh, she’s also a real deep fried cunt. (You just picture one of those. It is crispy and mean. It hurts when you put something in it.) Just a straight up bitch whether you need something at work or if you run into her in public. I happened to see her when Sweety and I were at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago and when walking by I said something like “hi” or “how are you?” and she totally snubbed me. Not that I give a damn but that was rude. Par for the course, I suppose.

And there is Speakerphone Guy. All. Day. Long. he is on calls (Very important calls, I’m sure! Wait, if they’re important shouldn’t you maybe keep them private?) using the speakerphone. You can hear the entire conversations all damn day long. I’m thinking someone needs to send an anonymous letter in complaining about it. *ahem*

It’s not enough that I’m wearing a headset and getting ear raped for 10 hours a day by angry customers. I’ve also got this shit on either side of me.

The boys had to be bribed to go with me. They got to go to a movie (Madagascar 2 was good, btw) in exchange for going and wrangling the live dogs. I was standing in line with Chi Chi 2.0 in my arms when the lady behind me struck up a conversation…

Oh! Is that a chihuahua?

Yes.

Wow! She is tiny! I’ve never seen such a tiny dog!

Yeah. She weighs barely anything. She is very light!

(she peeks at Chi Chi’s wizened face that I have half-heartedly covered with a blanket) Is she very old?

Oh, yes. She is very, very old.

(she touches Chi Chi’s nose lightly and draws back) Wow! She’s asleep, huh? She sleeps good.

She is a very hard sleeper. She is the best dog ever.

The whole time, I’m talking in a very serious tone and I can see BB standing behind the lady and his face is all red because he’s trying to not burst out laughing. I would have told the lady that she was dead but I was afraid that she’d freak out and the other people in line would freak out and I would be asked to leave before getting the photo done.

These are the lights that the neighbor glares at.

I so love those twig things with lights on them.

Not only does the soap get you clean and not dry you out – it’s also great to shave with. I’ve been using it on my legs and whatnot. It doesn’t burn the heck out of you if it happens to land on any sensitive area.

The bubble bath bombs? You too, can have a good time like this if you put one in your tub. For real. I also like the bath bombs because they make you soft. Soft but not greasy. That goes for the bubble bath bombs as well as the regular bath bombs. She has powdered bubble bath too! Pretty powdered bubble bath!

Shipping is 2.50 for the first item and then .50 for each additional one. I tell you what – if you get something and really don’t like it – I will pay you back for it. The only way you can beat that deal is with a stick. So, go get something. You’ll like it!

A couple of weeks ago, Sweety said something about me needing to be a proper wife and cook the dinner. I got to thinking about it and decided that he was right. I told everyone yesterday that I would personally cook the entire dinner and Sweety and the boys started to panic. It took approximately 45 seconds for them to mobilize and do something to save themselves.

I’m not cooking Thanksgiving dinner by a vote of 3 to 1.

I believe I’ve mentioned that everybody in the house with a penis in this house was rooting for McCain. Stinky, Tiny, and I were pulling for Obama. You can only imagine the air in the house last night. BB was beside himself when he went to bed because the election results hadn’t been announced yet but things weren’t looking good for his man.

When he got up this morning, Sweety told him that McCain won just to see his little face light up and then told him he was just kidding. I’ve promised Sweety that I’ll continue to work for the next 4 years so when wealth is being redistributed that we’ll still be able to eat. But I swear, if Sweety calls me “Barack” one more time, I may lose it and pop him in the nose. Or scratch Tiny Dog’s butt with my finger and then stick it in his mouth while he’s asleep.

In other news…

A toaster oven.

One lonely sock.

A three legged gerbil.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

All of these things have fallen out of my coochie in the last 10 days. I was off the pill for about a month and having my first “natural” cycle in 17 years. This shit is for the birds. I’ve heard that some chicks deal with this every month. Fuck that noise. I’m going crazy. It has been over a month since I’ve gotten laid. I’m ready to pull someone’s leg off and beat them to death with it. My birth control pills arrived via Pony Express last week and I’ve been eating them so maybe this will all end soon.

I spent a some time at my friend Elaine’s house when I was on vacation a few weeks ago. Her Mama has recently went to stay in an assisted living place and her house is next door to Elaine’s. She knows how fond I am of snooping and offered up Mama’s house for my snooping pleasure.

I’d planned on going over there and spending a few hours leisurely poking through drawers but time got away from me and it got to be my last day there. I usually go to the place that I used to work at in Texas to say hi to some people and it was either go say hi or snoop.

Snooping won.

Elaine actually went to work and told everyone that I blew them off to snoop through Mama’s house. I wish she hadn’t done that. Now everyone really knows what a whackjob I am.

You can learn lots of things by snooping.

Mama’s cupboard is very neat and orderly. Not surprising because she is one very put together lady. Whenever I see her she’s always cute. Even if she’s just in the yard or something.

It appears that she has a fondness for shampoo samples, soap samples & germX. It is good to be clean.

I was also able to see where Elaine gets her love of Clinque products. See that little white thing in the bottom of the photo? That’s a little brush that folds out. Elaine had one and gave it to me last year after I organized her towel closet.

When I first got to her house, E was showing me around and pointing out places that I might want to snoop in. She told me if there was anything that I wanted to let her know. She was a few steps ahead of me in the hallway and I pointed at something hanging on the wall and said that I liked it just as she said “anything except Grandma’s fan. Of course, I was pointing at Grandma’s fan. That is something that she has to keep with her but she said I can have it when she dies. Elaine is 25 years older than me and has said that when I’m her age that she probably won’t be around. I prefer to think that she’ll live to be at least 100.

Poking through a clothing drawer, I found these things. My first thought was that they were urinal cakes. But why would a little old lady keep urinal cakes? Were they some sort of souviner? When I got brave enough to touch one I realized it was fancy soap. Not a urinal cake.

This was something I thought was really neat. They are brooches that belonged to E’s Grandma and they are just stuck into that thing. Like a decorative pincushion. Very pretty.

Mama also had tons of jewelry. There was a brown drawer full of it and also a red drawer. I’d never seen so much dress-up stuff before.

She had a plate collection on one wall with some really neat plates. The oriental one was my favorite. For some reason, these figurines and jar really caught my eye. As I looked at the figures, I made up a short story about what they were doing. (He was asking her to dance and she didn’t want to. She was getting ready to hide in the white jar.)

This is E’s senior portrait. She doesn’t want it because she says “why would I want to hang up a photo of myself” and I told her I’d take it and put it up because I love it.

I didn’t get to have a relaxing snoop because time was short. It was maybe a good 20 minutes and I giggled like a lunatic the whole time. She had some cedar chests that I would have liked to have gotten into and I didn’t even peek into the boxes in the closet. Maybe next year.