What I spoke of in the last post, about having to move the day I go on vacation to suit the coaew? Still hasn’t been decided. When I tell Sweety that I’m going on the day that I originally planned on he gets all grouchy and tells me I need to let go of the hate. Whatever. Someone has to hold the hate. May as well be me.

Last Wednesday we went to Reno and then on to Las Vegas on Friday. Sweety is in a bowling tournament in Reno but we flew into Vegas because the flights were cheaper and we had to rent a car anyway. And we got our rooms in Vegas super cheap ($1 for one night and $15 for the other! We stayed at the Sahara. Some of the reviews were bad but I thought it was just fine for a buck. There were no bugs, mold or crunchy stuff in my bed.).

Thursday morning we got up and played some dollar Blackjack. I played for almost an hour and lost $8. And 4 of that tipped the dealer and waitress. An okay way to spend an hour. :)

Then we went to the little bar there that had $1 shots and hot dogs. Suwheet bebby hayzeus. I got tore up from the floor up. The shots were in these tiny little glasses and I laughed when I saw them. But then it tasted like paint thinner and bleached my teeth while getting me drunk.

I also had an epiphany while drinking – you know how Tiny Dog likes to drink beer but we don’t let her have it since it might kill her and all? O’Doul’s. I’m gonna give that bitch some unalcoholic beer the next time we’re drinking and see if she drinks it. If she does NOT drink it then that means she really is drinking for the alcohol and is smarter than I give her credit for. And if she does drink it then I’ve found a new way to keep The Queen happy.

After filling up on dollar shots and hotdogs we moseyed over to the Nascar Cafe. Where they have a 6 pound burrito. A friend and I thought it would be a good idea to give it a go. I truly believed I could eat a 6 pound burrito. I was sadly mistaken as was he. They make you eat at a special table at the front of the restaurant. People were stopping to take photos and talk to us. I don’t even like people to look at me while eating so it was hard to stuff my face while people took photos.

After the 90 minutes was up and we hadn’t finished, they gave us pink t-shirts that said “Weenie” on the front and took our photo for the wall of shame. Then I power puked and passed out. A passerby saw my plate of burrito butts (I cut off then ends to eat them last & had put them on a separate plate) and asked if she could have them. I’m glad that someone was able to truly enjoy the burrito.

I guess if you’re gonna eat something the size of a baby, it shouldn’t be a spur of the moment decision. You need to train for that shit.

21 Comments | In: vacation, woot! | | #

I had a fantastic time visiting family in Arizona! I saw my Mom’s sister (who I hadn’t seen since I was 2), her daughter and grandson (all of them are visiting from Korea) and met my Mom’s nephew’s family. His wife was an absolute sweetheart and their son was adorable.

We did a little bit of sightseeing and went to the zoo but for the most part, we stuck around the house and ate Korean food while talking. It was awesome. It was so awesome that I cried the whole way home because I hated to leave and return to regular life.

My plane landed in Orlando about 20 minutes early and I took that time to cry in the bathroom in the hopes that I could turn off the waterworks before Sweety picked me up. Sweety later told me that when he saw my crying ass sitting outside the airport that his first thought was that I looked homeless and miserable and maybe he should just leave me there. Yeah, that would have been great!

Before I left, Sweety asked me to put together a schedule for when the boys would be here and at the coaew’s this summer so he could give it to her and once she saw it they would both be looking at the same thing if she wanted to change anything about it. It’s nothing set in stone – just an idea. Well, her panties got in a wad after she saw it. It was done on the computer so I guess she assumed it was me that typed it all up and that pissed her off. She called Sweety ranting and raving about how the boys are her and his kids and I shouldn’t have any input in their lives. (hmm, I wonder if it’s ever occurred to her that I’ve lived with them quite a bit more than she has the past 9 years? and would it have been better if Sweety would have written all of it out by hand?)

So, they’re not MY kids but the motherfucking cunt wants me to change MY fucking vacation to suit her. How about a big glass of “go fuck yourself with a smoldering garden spade”? We’ve taken our family vacation the same time of year for the past 4 or 5 years to suit her. We used to go on vacation in June but that interfered with one of her crotchlings birthdays and the party she likes to have so we moved our vacation into July, the same time in July, a few years ago.

She’s all pissed off that our vacation time is overlapping with the time her husband has taken off for vacation and she wants to take the boys camping. I’m planning on leaving to head to Oklahoma on Tuesday night after I get off work but she wants me to wait til Wednesday.

I’m thinking of being a bitch and not waiting. Dammit, I’ve planned on leaving on Tuesday evening. *I* don’t have any kids so what makes her think she can tell me when to go on vacation to accommodate *her* kids?

Yeah, fuck it. I’m leaving on Tuesday night like I’ve planned and everyone can suck it and deal.

I really hope a bear eats her ass when they go camping. I hope it fucking rains every day they’re camping and mosquitoes descend like a plague of locusts. A crazy ax murderer that likes women that look like Walter Matthau would be nice too.

I’m afraid that I’m going to get to the end of this journey of raising the boys and just be like “wow, that’s it.” I need a family of my own. I need kids that will call me “mom” and give me hugs. Kids that I can raise how I want to. Kids that I don’t have to walk around on eggshells with because they aren’t *my* kids and OMG what if I do something to upset them and it gets back to the coaew?

25 Comments | In: coaew, grouching, vacation | | #

We were on vacation a month ago? Holy hell. Time flies. I’ve been meaning to blog about it but wanted to download the photos first. If you know me on Facebook, these aren’t new to you but I was tired of downloading after I’d put them there. But tonight I found a place that pushed my Facebook photos to Flickr! Voila! A blog post was born.

**

I got to meet some fantastic women in the flesh for the first time. That is Amy and Kari. And they are fucking awesome. We drank. We laughed. I puked.

I was allowed to give in the urge to chew on a baby’s foot. It was as wonderful as I’d thought it would be. And no matter what Sweety says, I know that I’m not a baby-snatching freak. I don’t want to steal babies. Just lick them.

Who’s he to call me weird anyway? Here he is terrorizing me with a sock puppet made from a sock that was brutally torn from my foot. (Or maybe I took it off. I don’t remember. The tequila. Oh, the tequila.)

**

I got to meet another fantastic woman! Naomi. We ate the tastiest lemon cake on the planet at her house. I have had dreams about this cake.

I was totally tickled because Sweety had a wonderful time. Sweety can be a talker and I enjoyed listening to him and Naomi talk. I’d “heard” her tell some things on her blog and it was neat to speak to her in person! He loved snooping around Naomi’s house to look at the art on her walls (he’s still talking about the artwork!) and he actually gasped when he saw the beautiful view from her living room. He was also giddy (Yes, giddy. Shit you not.) about the driving tour that she went with us on. To see a lot of the places that he’d seen on television as a kid and whatnot. This made me glad because it’s usually Sweety taking me places that make me happy so it was nice that I led him somewhere for a change.

Sweety confessed to me after the day was over that he’d dreaded it because he thought we would be meeting a crazy old lady that talked in circles and lived out of a shopping cart with her cat. See, I tell him about my “internet” friends and he decides in his head how they will be.

**

We wore matching shirts damn near everywhere. It was chilly and we hadn’t packed for that. These were on sale at the store we went to.

We did get all dressed up one night.

It was a large time all around.

**

You can snoop through the whole set here, if you are so inclined.

20 Comments | In: vacation | | #

OsShirt went out west with us!

To the Hoover Dam!

And the Grand Canyon! (The Grand Canyon scared the shit out of me, by the way. Too big!)

It was cold so I wore it over a sweatshirt one night. I swear that I heard people talking about it as I walked past.

We had quite a time and I have lots more to show and tell you about! I have to get rested up from vacation and sort through photos first though.

13 Comments | In: hnt, perpetually lost, vacation, woot! | | #