What I spoke of in the last post, about having to move the day I go on vacation to suit the coaew? Still hasn’t been decided. When I tell Sweety that I’m going on the day that I originally planned on he gets all grouchy and tells me I need to let go of the hate. Whatever. Someone has to hold the hate. May as well be me.

Last Wednesday we went to Reno and then on to Las Vegas on Friday. Sweety is in a bowling tournament in Reno but we flew into Vegas because the flights were cheaper and we had to rent a car anyway. And we got our rooms in Vegas super cheap ($1 for one night and $15 for the other! We stayed at the Sahara. Some of the reviews were bad but I thought it was just fine for a buck. There were no bugs, mold or crunchy stuff in my bed.).

Thursday morning we got up and played some dollar Blackjack. I played for almost an hour and lost $8. And 4 of that tipped the dealer and waitress. An okay way to spend an hour. :)

Then we went to the little bar there that had $1 shots and hot dogs. Suwheet bebby hayzeus. I got tore up from the floor up. The shots were in these tiny little glasses and I laughed when I saw them. But then it tasted like paint thinner and bleached my teeth while getting me drunk.

I also had an epiphany while drinking – you know how Tiny Dog likes to drink beer but we don’t let her have it since it might kill her and all? O’Doul’s. I’m gonna give that bitch some unalcoholic beer the next time we’re drinking and see if she drinks it. If she does NOT drink it then that means she really is drinking for the alcohol and is smarter than I give her credit for. And if she does drink it then I’ve found a new way to keep The Queen happy.

After filling up on dollar shots and hotdogs we moseyed over to the Nascar Cafe. Where they have a 6 pound burrito. A friend and I thought it would be a good idea to give it a go. I truly believed I could eat a 6 pound burrito. I was sadly mistaken as was he. They make you eat at a special table at the front of the restaurant. People were stopping to take photos and talk to us. I don’t even like people to look at me while eating so it was hard to stuff my face while people took photos.

After the 90 minutes was up and we hadn’t finished, they gave us pink t-shirts that said “Weenie” on the front and took our photo for the wall of shame. Then I power puked and passed out. A passerby saw my plate of burrito butts (I cut off then ends to eat them last & had put them on a separate plate) and asked if she could have them. I’m glad that someone was able to truly enjoy the burrito.

I guess if you’re gonna eat something the size of a baby, it shouldn’t be a spur of the moment decision. You need to train for that shit.

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OsShirt went out west with us!

To the Hoover Dam!

And the Grand Canyon! (The Grand Canyon scared the shit out of me, by the way. Too big!)

It was cold so I wore it over a sweatshirt one night. I swear that I heard people talking about it as I walked past.

We had quite a time and I have lots more to show and tell you about! I have to get rested up from vacation and sort through photos first though.

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We rang it in at a friend’s house last night and had a large time. Even though we didn’t get there til about 9:30, I managed to eat and drink enough equal to at least 8 hours of party time.

You know those sliding glass doors that people have leading out to their patios? Some little kid crashed through one of those last night. The kids were playing tag or something and another kid decided to close the door as the other one was hauling ass towards it. He ran straight through it and luckily didn’t get hurt at all. I have never seen such. A vacuum gave its life while cleaning up the mess.

I also discovered the best place to pass out rest (Resting! I was just resting!) if you are at a party where children are present. Wait til some kids crawl off to sleep somewhere and weasel your way onto the bed too. Nobody will really bother you because they don’t want to risk waking the children. Drinking makes me sneaky and smart! Sometimes. The other times it makes me puke.

Here is my favorite photo from when Bekah and Sam were here. Sam’s the kid in the striped shirt with her back to the camera. She was jumping up and down. All of the little kids lost their freaking minds when the band started playing. It was so cute that my uterus twinged the whole time. I wanted to steal a kid. Any of those kids.

May 2010 have you jumping for joy on a regular basis!

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Merry Christmas!

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For the first year since they’ve been divorced – the boys won’t wake up at our house on Christmas morning. The coaew decided this because they have siblings over there (and we don’t have any here) that it’s not fair for Santa to visit them (the other siblings that believe in Santa) on Christmas Eve morning as he has in the past.

To put it mildly. I am fucking pissed. Kind of makes me wished I’d jumped on the baby bandwagon so our family would be “equal” to hers.

Sweety had called her to work out what time he’d get them Christmas Eve night or if she was bringing them over when she made the announcement. He tried to talk to her but ended up getting pissed off, telling her “whatever” and hanging up while she was still yammering away.

When he first told me I just started to cry. She gets them on Thanksgiving and we do on Christmas. This is just how it’s been. She hadn’t told the boys about it because BB asked me today where they’ll be Christmas Eve (for some reason, he asks me this every. single. year. and I always tell him, “Here!” and he says, “Just checking.”.) and when I said, “Your mother’s house.” he gave me a sideways look. So I elaborated with, “She’s bringing you here Christmas morning or day or whenever it is she feels like it. Wasn’t my idea and I’m not a fan.” And he said, “Okay.” and shuffled on out of the room.

This is the only time I’ve ever said anything in front of him that would be taken negatively about his mother but I just couldn’t hold my tongue. Sue me.

Anyhoo. In INSANELY HAPPY NEWS!

Bekah (don’t let the sign-in scare you! sign-in and check out her adorable photos.) and her daughter Sam (aka The Artist) are coming to see me! The weekend before Christmas! I won two parkhopper tickets to visit The Mouse and Sweety was going to go with me but he can’t because of bowling obligations. I won them back in the summer and we’ve been meaning to go and just keep putting it off and the tickets expire at the end of this year. So Bekah and Sam are coming and Sweety is being an awesome guy and buying us two more passes so we can go two days! Yay! Sam isn’t three yet so she’s freeeeeeee! I like me some free.

Tiny Sammy hugs!

Very excited. I am very excited!

And!

My Mom, sister and fantastic niece are arriving on Christmas Eve! They will be staying until January first or second! I can’t wait to see my niece and tell her bedtime stories and hug on her! I love my niece more than I like to breathe. She is an awesomely odd human being.

See this? This is one of Bekah’s hedgehogs all decked out for Christmas.

Now, it is nice and festive but do you know what I think when I look at it?

Hedgehog coochie!!!

I’d like to gently poke it with a pencil eraser.

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This photo was taken when we were on the top flight of stairs at the Pilgrim Monument.

When I’m somewhere high – I want to jump. Luckily, the railing was too high and I couldn’t get my leg up over it. I did notice that it would be easy to flip Sweety over it because he was so much taller than it. I shared that with him and he made sure to stay at least an arm’s length away from me til we had descended far enough that he would survive the fall.

Anyhoo.

This got me to thinking…

If you were falling to your death? What would you holler if you had to say something besides screaming your guts out? Sweety and I talked about it for several flights of stairs and couldn’t think of anything suitable at that time. But upon reflection, I think I’d go out screeching as much of “the ants go marching one by one” song (well, the part that I sing. I really like the “hurrah! hurrah!” part.) that I could get out. That song is always in my head like background music.

What would you say?

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