I’ve just about got the war plan all mapped out! This Saturday I’m taking two of the girls next door (aged 12 & 14) to The Land of The Mouse! I won the tickets awhile back and have been hoarding them. We’re gonna burn through all four parks in one day. I have carefully plotted the order in which we’ll visit the parks so we can see all of the shows. Part of me wants to rent a hotel room so I don’t have to drive home after midnight (and we could wake up the next morning and go to the giant mall!!) but my thrifty side realizes that it would be stupid to spend the night in Orlando so I’ll drag our tired asses home. I’ve already tagged Sunday as my “sleep til noon” day.

I thought about taking the boys but when I nonchalantly asked LB a couple of months ago if he wanted to go to Disney, instead of saying “yes” or “no”, he said that he wanted to go to another theme park. I took that as my sign to do what I wanted with the tickets which was take the kids next door. I told Sweety if the boys found out that I took the girls and ask why – I’m going to tell them it’s because the girls give me random hugs and tell me that they love me. I can be bought.

Later this month is when I’m taking my old self to a concert with their sister. I tried listening to the music that she brought me from Insane Clown Posse but I just couldn’t do it. I think I heard two songs that I could say that I liked and the rest of it was just unpleasant to my ears. I told her that I’ve heard enough that I can fake it an the concert and look like I’m truly excited to hear them.

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I went to Miami for the first time this weekend to meet the most awesome Jeni. I’ve followed her all over the interwebs for years now and I was so nervous on my way to meet her. It’s that fear of being a giant dork that does me in. But we met and we had a large time!

We met at the World Erotic Art Museum (a wonderful place to meet someone to break the ice, by the way). If you are in Miami – go here. For real. When we went in I was expecting to be underwhelmed but the place came through on their advertisement of “largest collection of erotic art in America”. You can click to see the items that really caught my eye. I even took video of the spinning, Swarovski encrusted penis. A still photo just didn’t convey its glorious presence.

The traffic there was crazy. People sauntering in front of you without a glance. I think I was the only person there who used the car’s blinker. Some cyclist pedaled up to the driver’s side of my car and put his hand up in a “stop” gesture before darting in front of me. He obviously had a death wish.

I was a screaming-on-the-inside mess by the time we got from the museum to our hotel. We had talked about going to a club that night but when I’m visiting with someone it’s nice to be able to hear them speak and after being in that traffic, I really didn’t want to go back into it even if I was in a cab. So we hit the hotel bar and stayed there until the place closed and they were prepping the tables for the next morning’s breakfast.

We had a great visit and I’m so glad that it happened!

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Check this out…

It’s a tiny PopTart! I won a necklace a few weeks ago from Epicurean Designs. I’d signed up for their newsletter and each month they pick someone from their newsletter list and that person wins a free item. They have some cute stuff at their etsy shop.

I like little things. I wish I had a dollhouse. With electricity.

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Personalized shot glasses! Pickle forks!

I had a birthday last month! Hi, 34. Nice to meet you.

These were sent to me by Amy. Her daughter makes some awesome stuff and customized the shot glasses! Just so you know, men do NOT like having their testicles poked with pickle forks. I opened the envelope and Sweety’s naked self was sitting there, ballsack shining. I had to do it.

Then we drank the entire bottle of tequila while I used the pickle forks for their intended pickle-eating purpose and I woke up the next morning with a messy house but no hangover. It’s probably not a good thing when you can drink a half bottle of tequila and not ralph your guts out. Something I did wake up with? A giant hickey. We have been together over 9 freaking years and this is the first time he’s left one where I couldn’t hide it with a shirt. Damn near on my jaw. I told him he may as well have put it on my face. Thank goodness for kickass concealer.

During the drunken revelry? Sweety recalls throwing something large into the retention pond behind the house but can’t remember what. We aren’t missing any dogs, electronics, furniture or coaews…so whatever he threw away wasn’t too important. After chucking things into the retention pond he turned around and fell into the pool.

We’ve decided we both won’t drink tequila at the same time. Someone needs to be responsible. Or something.

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