I was busy brushing my teeth this weekend, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sweety come into the bathroom with Bean. He’s telling me to hurry and look at them but it takes me a minute to turn around.

As you may (or may not) know, we like to give things voices around here. The dogs all have their own voices and talk to us regularly. Even Chi Chi. Due to her freeze-dried nature, her voice is rather raspy. Like she’s been smoking for 50 years. Having a voice naturally extends to Bean. We talk for her and sometimes even wobble her bottom jaw to enhance her “speaking” abilities.

Now people, we are some sick fuckers here. Most humor is highly inappropriate and totally tasteless. This was no exception.

I swing around to see Bean sitting in the crook of Sweety’s arm and she is grasping in her right hand an untwisted coathanger.

Hey, baby! What are you doing?!

I wanted to show you this.

What is that?

When I was inside of you there was a sister with me but I evicted her with this coathanger.

At that point, all I could do was turn around and carefully inspect the sink faucet because sometimes I run out of words and this was one of those times. Sweety is cackling his ass off because if one of us can render the other speechless then something has been accomplished.

I finally found some words.

Dude. The first time I really see my baby hold something? It’s a fucking twisted coathanger and she’s making a joke about aborting her roommate? Damn. Just…damn.

And then I couldn’t help it – I laughed.

speak up!

The niece has picked up skateboarding in the past year or so. Last year for Christmas I sent her a board because the “baby” board she was using wasn’t very good. She didn’t bring it with her when she came here this go around and it’s already been packed up and sent on its way to Germany. So she decided to use the gift cards/money that she received this Christmas to pick out a new board.

She was super excited to learn that there’s a skate park in our town. To go though, you have to have a waiver on file with the city and buy a pass. The park is only open at night and on the weekends and I took care of the paperwork so she could go last night. She had been bugging the hell out of me to go since she got the skateboard on Tuesday.

We got there last night and the place was crawling with teenaged boys. No girls and the boys were zooming all over the place. Sylvie was to nervous to go out there amongst everyone so we decided to just scope the place out and come back this afternoon. (Some days skateboarders can use the facility from 4 to 6 and some days from 6 to 8. The place is also used by kids on bikes.) We decided to tell Sweety and the boys that I wouldn’t let her skate because it was too cold and I didn’t want to sit in the cold. She was afraid the boys would tease her for being a chicken. But we agreed that we’d go today as soon as the place opened because maybe it would be less crowded.

And we did.

When I picked her up from school today, I asked her what I ask the kids every day:

What did you have for lunch?
A Slushie.
A Slushie? Didn’t you have one of those yesterday because it was the first day back to school?
Yeah.
And don’t you like to have one to “celebrate” Friday so you’ve earmarked tomorrow for one?
Yeah.
Why did you have one today? You need to eat real food.
Well, I knew you were talking to my Mom about me getting to stay the rest of the year and I figured she’d say no. Sooo…
So, you needed a Slushie to console yourself?
Yeah! To console myself!
Hrmph. Have real food tomorrow. No Slushie.
Hey! Did you know they have mochas at school?
Hey! Did you know I can look on the computer and see what you’ve eaten every day?
Really? That’s…not cool. Not cool at all, Aunt Anna.

speak up!

I spoke with my sister and Sylvie will stay here until the end of the school year. We go on vacation every year to stay in a cabin near my Mom’s house and we always go pick up Sylvie so she can go with us. She’ll go with us this year and “say goodbye to everyone” (her words) and then will go to Germany the end of June or July.

I. Am. So. Glad. I’m beyond relieved that my sister was okay with this.

I know it was hard on Sylvie (and me!) not having a definite date for anything. “whenever we can get your passport and ticket” isn’t very reassuring to a kid. This way, we know the time that she’s leaving and she can actually live here and do some extracurricular activities instead of being in limbo. This reminds me that I now need to find somewhere close by to rent a cello.

See this happy baby?

How can this little baby take what is probably no more than 4 ounces of milk going down and turn it into a half-gallon coming up? It’s her superpower. I am pleased that she’s learned to power launch spit-up over my shoulder and miss her own clothing. I think she’s doing it that way because she hates to change clothes but loves to barf. I need to get a rubber sheet for our mattress.

In that photo she’s smiling at the ceiling fan. We call it her best friend. I felt like a neglectful parent for letting her lie down under a home appliance for amusement but have since found out that babies in general are enamored with ceiling fans. So, that makes me feel better. It’s not like I plop her under it with no other stimulation. I’m not running a creepy orphanage here.

speak up!

Right now I’ve got a tit flopped out, a baby asleep on the Milk Bar (what we call the pillow I put her on when she’s eating) on my lap and I can’t quit crying.

I talked to my sister this morning. She got to Germany yesterday and she’s not being deployed with her unit. So my niece will be going over there sooner rather than later. This way, she will be able to go to school over there and hopefully make some friends before this summer.

I know she’s not my kid. But damn, in my heart she may as well be and I’m really not liking the idea of her being somewhere that I’m not able to hop in the car and drive to.

speak up!